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  • Area Fan Transitions Seamlessly from Lockout Panic to Roster Panic


    RandBalls Stu

    “It’s like riding a bike, but the bike is existential sadness and it doesn’t have a bullpen,” said Edmund.

    Image courtesy of Landon Bost/Naples Daily News/USA TODAY Network-Florida / USA TODAY NETWORK

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    Lisa Edmund is just about to lose it.

    “Where are the pitchers? Where’s the shortstop? Do we have any catchers left?”

    Edmund, 44, is a Minnesota Twins fan since childhood. She spent most of her winter fretting about the owners’ lockout. As the rhetoric grew harsher and games started getting canceled, she “totally panicked.” When the two sides finally came to an agreement last week, the Belle Plaine native was profoundly relieved, right?

    Wrong.

    “The regular season starts tomorrow, basically. They made a bunch of trades and still have gaping holes in the roster. This cannot possibly be the plan. I feel like I am taking crazy pills.”

    When it was pointed out that the Twins did acquire a top-of-the-rotation starter in Sonny Gray, Edmund grew agitated.

    “Did they get four more Sonny Grays? Can he come out of the bullpen on his off-days? Do they really expect to contend this year? And if they don’t, why did they trade Chase Petty? I’m trying to find any sort of road map here and I’m coming up wanting.”

    While the front office has urged patience, Edmund refuses to heed that advice.

    “I’ve seen this before. Remember when they brought up Jason Bartlett as the 25th man even though it made no sense and then he just went, 'Oops, retired, smell ya later' and we all just had to deal with the fact that they only had 24 guys to bring north and just started asking around if anyone else felt like going? That’s where we’re at now. We just dumped all of Josh Donaldson’s contract, we have money to burn and spaces to fill. Last I checked, we picked up Jose Godoy to be a less-swole Ben Rortvedt. Terrific. I should get season tickets because I’ve never seen a team play without a shortstop for 81 games, oughta be a blast. This is madness.”

    When asked if she was actually happy that the season was saved, Edmund took a moment to ponder the question and light another cigarette.

    “I guess so? I would have been miserable if the owners banged the season, but I’m miserable now, too. It’s like riding a bike, but the bike is existential sadness and it doesn’t have a bullpen.”

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    I will light my cigar this afternoon.  The Twins have become so confusing - the Vikings are signing players and dumping players, but when they dump one, the sign one to fill the gap.  The Wild had issues so they traded to get the season back on track.  The Wolves, smartly did not trade, and they were right.  But the Twins have instead decided that an infield of 2B - Arraez, Polanco, Miranda, Gordon will be acceptable if we don't have a SS or starting pitching.  We gave up extra players to dump salary and let the Yankees dump players that would not have made their roster this year because we gave that player a contract that we all celebrated and he performed as well as ever and then he was the albatross that needed to be gone.  Please continue to help us - we all need counseling. 

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    Dman is right--it does hit a little too close to home.  I think the thing is with the Twins, I am never convinced that they are really willing to spend what is necessary to get the team over the hump.  They were loaded two and three years ago and added Happ and Shoemaker instead of a real difference maker.  At least with the Vikings, Wild and Wolves, their failures are not due to looking to maintain a tight budget.  It is almost like they want to win more than the Twins.

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    I met Lisa once at a town ball game in Gaylord. She was sitting behind home plate throwing insults at the home plate umpire between wheezes. Turns out he was her husband. I was downwind of her and had to burn my clothes when I got home, what with the smoke smell and hot ash burns. If I'd known that I'd have borrowed a Yankees jersey before the game.

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    For everyone who hasn't figured it out yet and for those who fail to believe it, this is our 2022 pitching situation;

    • Sonny Gray
    • Joe Ryan
    • Dylan Bundy
    • Bailey Ober
    • Jharel Cotton
    • Randy Dobnak / Chi Chi Rodriguez
    • No Bullpen Additions

    That's it.  That's all there is.  No one else is coming.  It's this trash up until the trading deadline then we'll move anyone who was remotely mediocre and then roll in the rookies to finish out our 100+ loss season.  

    We have all been had.  Not only did the Twins not do the bare minimum moves needed to make the Twins "competitive" again, they actually SIGNIFICANTLY downgraded the entire team.  They traded away about 60 homeruns and added 200 more strikeouts and about 50 more errors.  But they saved the Polads about $50 million.  That was the end result of all of the moves.  They didn't need to dump salary and could have at least kept the nucleus of the team together to make the season entertaining, but they willingly chose to give all of us fans the middle finger.  They brought back unwanted Yankee garbage and handicapped the team in amazing fashion.  They traded away guys who are actively producing today for guys with the hope and prayer that they can turn into the players they were 3-4 seasons ago.  Except, that those players 3-4 years ago still weren't good.  

    ENJOY THE SEASON!!!  IT'S GUARANTEED TO BE HISTORIC!  

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    Well, if this article is any indication, I'm either going to save money on Scotch cause I gave up during Spring Training or spend a lot more on Scotch to tolerate the fact that I didn't give up during Spring Training.

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    4 hours ago, wsnydes said:

    Well, if this article is any indication, I'm either going to save money on Scotch cause I gave up during Spring Training or spend a lot more on Scotch to tolerate the fact that I didn't give up during Spring Training.

    Stock your scotch roster with cheap, rookie-level brews that cost the LSM (liquor store minimum.)

    That way you can still field a full roster of 26 bottles, but at low cost. You won't win many taste contests, of course, but hold your nose and tell yourself it will improve as it ages.

     

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    2 hours ago, USAFChief said:

    Stock your scotch roster with cheap, rookie-level brews that cost the LSM (liquor store minimum.)

    That way you can still field a full roster of 26 bottles, but at low cost. You won't win many taste contests, of course, but hold your nose and tell yourself it will improve as it ages.

     

    You say that with such precision that it's almost like you have a very specific example that you have based it on.  Like you've spent years studying it!

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