The Totally Scientific Guide to Picking Your New Favorite Twins Player After Trade Deadline Fire Sale

[Cody Christie]

Image courtesy of © Jesse Johnson-Imagn Images

The Twins traded Carlos Correa, Jhoan Duran, Griffin Jax, Louis Varland, and seemingly anyone with any semblance of value in their back pocket. The result? Fans are wandering around Target Field like shoppers in a grocery store that just discontinued their favorite brand of cereal. Don’t panic. I’ve prepared a completely unbiased, absolutely objective guide to selecting your new favorite Twin.

Think of this as a dating app for baseball fandom: you’re not swiping left or right, you’re just bracing for whoever is still on the roster come August.

Byron Buxton – The Lifelong Hope Investment
If you’ve ever said “this is the year” every single season since 2015, Byron is your guy. He’s a franchise mainstay, a walking highlight reel when healthy, and a permanent “day-to-day” designation in human form. Picking Buxton as your favorite player is like buying stock in a company that might go bankrupt or might invent the next iPhone. There is high risk or infinite reward.

Ideal Fan Type: Eternal optimists, fans with three unused Buxton shirsey purchases in their closet, and anyone who has the Mayo Clinic bookmarked

Luke Keaschall – The Prospect Hipster Pick
Keaschall is for the fan who loved Jose Miranda before he popped up on top prospect lists and listens to bands before they hit Spotify’s Top 50. He’s a rising infielder with sneaky power and plenty of “up-the-middle” defensive swagger. If he becomes a star, you’ll be insufferable about how you “always knew."

Ideal Fan Type: People who talk about OPS+ at dinner parties, own one of those old-school “Win Twins” pennants, and correct others when they say “Cash-ull” instead of “Keesh-al.”

Joe Ryan – The Workhorse With the Perfect Hair
Ryan didn’t get traded because you can’t put a price on a facial hair-and-flow combo like his. He’s got a competitive streak, throws more fastballs than your rec league softball team, and delivers the occasional gem to keep you hooked. He’s the safe bet, even if there's a danger that he's traded this winter.

Ideal Fan Type: Folks who love reliability, Instagram hair tutorials, and shouting “give him one more inning” from the second deck.

Ryan Jeffers – The Lunch-Pail Slugger
Jeffers is the guy who just keeps showing up, mashing home runs, and doing interviews in a voice that sounds like it should be narrating truck commercials. He’s become one of the most underrated offensive catchers in baseball, but still somehow looks like he’s filling in until the starter gets back.

Ideal Fan Type: Fans who like power hitters who don’t need a spotlight, people who pack their lunch in an old Igloo cooler, and anyone who still remembers Tim Laudner fondly.

Royce Lewis – Buxton 2.0
If you’re looking for potential star power that somehow survived the deadline purge, Royce is your man. He’s got charisma, clutch hits, and the kind of smile that makes you forget how many IL stints he’s had. He’s lost some of the prospect shine, but he has a chance to be a core piece until the next fire sale.

Ideal Fan Type: Kids who wear eye black for tee-ball, fans who cry during walk-off celebrations, and anyone willing to refresh Twitter for injury updates during dinner.

Brooks Lee – The Old-School Baseball Guy in a Young Body
Lee plays like he’s been in the league for ten years, even though he still gets carded at restaurants. He’s got smooth hands, a pure swing, and the fundamentally sound play that warms the hearts of “the game used to be better” purists.

Ideal Fan Type: Baseball traditionalists, people who complain about shift bans, and anyone who has a favorite fungo bat.

Matt Wallner – The Homegrown Hulk
Wallner is here for the fans who like their baseball players built like they just walked out of a lumberjack competition. He hits baseballs to places where Statcast can’t find them and throws like he’s trying to dent the catcher’s mitt. Yes, he’ll strike out, but those home runs are worth the price of admission.

Ideal Fan Type: People who measure distance in “dingers,” Duluth natives, and anyone who believes launch angle is a lifestyle.

Totally Accurate Flowchart for Picking Your New Favorite Twin

1. Do you enjoy disappointment but believe in miracles
   1. YES: Welcome to Team BYRON BUXTON
   2. NO: Continue…
2. Do you brag about prospects before anyone else knows them?
   1. YES: L-U-K-E  K-E-A-S-C-H-A-L-L
   2. NO: Continue…
3. Are you here for elite hair & reliable innings?
   1. YES: Joe "Fastball" Ryan
   2. NO: Continue…
4. Do you like catchers who hit bombs & look like they could fix your carburetor?
   1. YES: Ryan Jeffers
   2. NO: Continue…
5. Do you need a player injured as much as Buxton with less upside?
   1. YES: Royce Lewis
   2. NO: Continue…
6. Do you wear stirrups unironically and own a scorebook?
   1. YES: Brooks Lee
   2. NO: Continue…
7. Do you only watch for tape-measure home runs & 100 mph outfield assists?
   1. YES: Matt Wallner
   2. NO: Try Again…

Final Step: Accept the Chaos
Remember, your favorite player selection is temporary. The 2025 trade deadline taught us that. So pick someone, root like crazy, and keep an emotional go-bag ready for next July.

The Twins may have traded away their stars, but at least you’ve still got options… for now.

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[Brett]

An emotional go bag is the thing I never knew I needed. Thanks Cody!

[Patzky]

I bought a Joe Ryan Dead T shirt in 2023.. I believe I got my guy already lol.

Would be awesome to be a Royce fan but I just see a broken body and spirit..

[Nshore]

Winning baseball games brings in the fans and pitching is the name of the game, so I have to go with Ryan.  Ryan is one of the top starters in the game and looks like a medieval pirate.  It's all good.  Keep Lopez and Ryan, and the other 3 starter spots can be the Twins permanent development camp.

[mluebker]

Best analytic piece I’ve read in weeks. Five stars!

[mluebker]

47 minutes ago, Patzky said:

 

I bought a Joe Ryan Dead T shirt in 2023…

 

A Twins fan and a Deadhead!!?? I thought I was the last of a dying breed! My profile pic was taken at Terrapin Crossroads back in 2018

[Fatbat]

How do I pick a fav from that list??? Impossible 🤷🏼‍♂️

[ashbury]

28 minutes ago, mluebker said:

Best analytic piece I’ve read in weeks. Five stars!

You jest but non-numerical analytics is a thing.

[Patzky]

21 minutes ago, mluebker said:

A Twins fan and a Deadhead!!?? I thought I was the last of a dying breed! My profile pic was taken at Terrapin Crossroads back in 2018

They say Rocco is a fan as well!

[terrydactyls]

1 hour ago, ashbury said:

You jest but non-numerical analytics is a thing.

Really?  In this era of acronyms with lower-case letters as prefixes a deal numerical additions as suffix's?  (Even spellcheck could figure out the plural of "suffix")   😃😃😃

[Blyleven2011]

1 hour ago, Patzky said:

They say Rocco is a fan as well!

You had to go and spoil it , he's probably the president of the fan club as well ... 🤣

[theBOMisthebomb]

Buy a jersey with no name and number or customize it with your own name. 

[Western SD Fan]

1 hour ago, theBOMisthebomb said:

Buy a jersey with no name and number or customize it with your own name. 

You mean like this one?  This is my new favorite Twins player.  The one aptly named 'Baseball Player'.

[mluebker]

12 hours ago, Patzky said:

12 hours ago, mluebker said:

A Twins fan and a Deadhead!!?? I thought I was the last of a dying breed! My profile pic was taken at Terrapin Crossroads back in 2018

They say Rocco is a fan as well!

Well, I guess a guy can have good taste and still not be good at his job. But still, I might have to choose my words more carefully when his name comes up from now on.

[Otaknam]

Lewis has not produced and has been a major disappointment this year, IMO. Hopefully he can recover from this down year and regain his confidence and stroke. But it looks like the pitchers have figured him out, as he flails away a sweepers six inches off the plate and tries to pull everything and loses his balance.