Time Running Out to Mock, Belittle White Sox Fans

[RandBalls Stu]

There are two weeks left in the season. Focus on landing your cheap shots and unsubtle jabs before Game 162.

Image courtesy of Flickr/Jen Gallardo (Fans Without Outstanding Warrants Day at Guaranteed Rate Field)

While it’s important to monitor the Twins’ efforts to escape their worst slump of the season, hold on to their Wild Card spot, and hopefully be healthy enough to matter in the playoffs, it’s critical not to lose sight of another, equally important, goal: Remind fans of the godless Chicago White Sox that their team is a real stinkeroo.  

Although it’s easy to continue sending screenshots of the AL Central standings to these woebegone freaks, there are other ways to maximize their misery in the gloaming of the 2024 campaign:

• Go to the nearest prison and talk to them. White Sox fans don’t get a lot of visitors, as their families have long since disowned them for stealing from the elderly and infirm. Just remind them that the prison of fandom is one they can escape, unlike the penitentiary.
• Gather all the loose change from your car and/or purse. Tally it up and show them how many White Sox tickets you can buy on the secondary market. That $4.59 in pennies, dimes, and nickels will get you four upper deck tickets for the Angels game at Guaranteed Rate Field, plus change, before fees. Offer to match that amount and donate it to one of the charities they haven’t scammed yet (this could take some time, carve out an hour or two this weekend).
• Search internet and physical media archives. There were quite a few stories about the emerging White Sox dynasty in the late 2010s. Print them out. Make copies. Do whatever one does with a microfiche. Remind them of when they had hope. Remind them of when they thought Dad was coming back from going out for some cigarettes. Remind them.
• Make an offseason plan. There won’t be any daily reminders of the futility of their existence if the White Sox aren’t playing. It’s up to you. Texts. The US Mail. WhatsApp. Public access television. Instagram Reels. There’ve never been more outlets to bully and harangue the sicko White Sox fans in your life. They may not be playing in October, but they will be checking notifications. If Cameos are still a thing, see how much it costs to have one of the lesser Baldwins record a video reciting the final score of each White Sox loss this year.

With some dedication and attention to craft, you can really pulverize what's left of their souls, if they have them, which they don't.

Image license here.

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[IndianaTwin]

To aid in your hassling, I think we should come up with a collection of Wacky Sox Factoids. A few favorites for me so far: 

White Sox: 22 wins against AL clubs.
Cubs: 26 wins against AL clubs.

White Sox slugging percentage: .338
Zack Greinke career slugging percentage: .336
(So basically, the Sox offense has hit like good-hitting pitchers. Which makes sense, given that their pitchers have basically pitched like a bunch of hitters.)

The AL Central has four teams above .500, including three in the playoffs if the season ended today, along with the closest team chasing a playoff spot. Yet the division as a whole is 34 games under .500.

And if you're an Iowa football fan like me, you'll remember last year's "Drive for 25," the need to average at least 25 points per game to save offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz's job. This year, the Sox have taken on the "Drive for 125." They appear to have a good shot. Better, it turns out, than Ferentz did.  

[IndianaTwin]

Also, I would dispute the headline. Time never runs out on mocking the Sox. Even if the team is good on the field, there's still plenty of opportunity to mock them for other things, like the amount of cement that was killed to create one of the ugliest stadiums in the majors or the decision to rehire LaRussa. 

[Parfigliano]

Kicking the ChiSux never gets old.  

[Rod Carews Birthday]

It’s always fun to mock the Sox, but it would be way more fun to be able to mock the Cubs! 

[Fire Dan Gladden]

I would literally watch every single White Sox game this year if Hawk Harrelson  was announcing.  They joy it would bring me....  

[Johnny Ringo]

What a ridiculously sorry franchise. They haven’t won a World Series since 2005. Can you believe that? 

[theBOMisthebomb]

The only fans I like less and that deserve more mocking and belittling than White Sox fans are Packers fans. 

[insagt1]

The 62 Mets have the modern 'worst record ever' at 40-120. They had two games cancelled. So to truly be the worst the Sox need to win only 39 and lose 122. Which is quite possible since they are now 33-115. If they lose 120 they will have won 42 so they won't be the worst.

Still it has been an awful season for the team, its fans, and the city.  I wonder now how many WhiteSox fans have pivoted and are cheering for them to break the record.