Twins @ Tigers 3/12/24

[Riverbrian]

8 hours ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

Sigh.

@Riverbrian Once upon a time, didn't you have a mop joke in your signature?

Or am i getting senile?

The best Joke ever:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a Beer and a Mop". 

[USAFChief]

4 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

The best Joke ever:

 

[Riverbrian]

3 minutes ago, USAFChief said:

 

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

[Squirrel]

2 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

Child: Mommy, Mommy … what’s a vampire?

Mom: Shut up and eat your soup before it clots!

[Squirrel]

2 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

What do you call a man who hangs on the wall? Art

What do you call the old guy next to him? Pop Art

[Squirrel]

8 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

The best Joke ever:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a Beer and a Mop". 

The problem with this is it’s such a waste of a beer …

[Riverbrian]

1 minute ago, Squirrel said:

The problem with this is it’s such a waste of a beer …

What I love about the Joke is that it takes some people a while to get it. 

A Beer? and a Mop? 

They wait for something else to be the punchline and it doesn't come until 1 hour later and then they start laughing. 

It's a great joke to tell someone before they get on a plane. They don't get it right away. They board and then half way through the flight they get it... they are all alone on a flight and they start laughing. Now the entire plane is nervous because of this guy laughing on a plane for seemingly no reason. 

The attendants are asking the sky Marshall to keep an eye on the crazy guy. 

Great Joke... it has a delayed time release. 

 

[ashbury]

4 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

I think I've shared this one recently but it remains hands down the Best Joke Evar.

NSFW, I repeat, Not Safe For Work.  "Well, wouldja like to hear me tell a joke?":

 

[USAFChief]

5 hours ago, Squirrel said:

The problem with this is it’s such a waste of a beer …

By that logic, every beer eventually ends up a waste. 

[USAFChief]

9 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

Only need the punch line: "you go back up there and tell off that bus driver. I'll watch the monkey."

[sampleSizeOfOne]

10 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

You must provide an example of a better joke. 

Must i?

 

Very well...

 

(this may take a while)

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Would saying the odds are even count as a better joke?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Doesn't involve betting, but i always was a fan of this:

Lieutenant. And how came you to leave your last employ?

Point. Why, sir, it was in this wise. My Lord was the Archbishop of Canterbury, and it was considered that one of my jokes was unsuited to His Grace's family circle. In truth, I ventured to ask a poor riddle, sir — Wherein lay the difference between His Grace and poor Jack Point? His Grace was pleased to give it up, sir. And thereupon I told him that whereas His Grace was paid £10,000 a year for being good, poor Jack Point was good — for nothing. 'Twas but a harmless jest, but it offended His Grace, who whipped me and set me in the stocks for a scurril rogue, and so we parted. I had as lief not take post again with the dignified clergy.

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Also more shooter joke than a better joke (and i think those are different things, unless perhaps you are shooting craps?

Anyway, this sage advice came to mind:

Safety first...

Then trigger.

[big dog]

A small, thin guy with a beret and a skinny mustache walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Before he can say a word, the bartender says "Hey, that's really cool! Where did you get it?"

The parrot says "France, they've got millions of them."

[Riverbrian]

11 hours ago, USAFChief said:

Only need the punch line: "you go back up there and tell off that bus driver. I'll watch the monkey."

Scott and Cindy happy couple with a growing household with two beautiful daughters and Cindy pregnant with their third child. 

When the baby was born. Scott knew something was wrong immediately. The baby was... well... i'll just say it...  ugly. Scott looked at his daughters and he looked at the new baby and he knew... something was wrong. He grew suspicious and he couldn't shake the suspicion so he walked up to his wife... looked her in the eye and said. The difference between our daughters and our brand new baby is striking. Our daughters are so beautiful and this baby is... he pauses... he couldn't contain the question any longer. He didn't want to ask it but he does. 

Cindy... did you cheat on me? 

Cindy says... no...(she pauses) She looks at his face... she can tell that Scott doesn't believe her answer. She grabs Scotts hands... looks him in the eye to be more reassuring.

No Scott I didn't... I promise... not this time.  

 

[MABB1959]

On 3/12/2024 at 2:30 PM, Squirrel said:

Maeda is a proven MLB pitcher and a decent starter. Not sure what you meant by this. While our away lineup wasn’t our starters, Detroit had a home game, so they played a lot of their starters. Our lineup tomorrow, a home game, will be mostly our starters

Yesterday against STL (home game)  only 1 run scored with our starters.  10 Strikeouts?

[Squirrel]

1 minute ago, MABB1959 said:

Yesterday against STL (home game)  only 1 run scored with our starters.  10 Strikeouts?

While I’ve already said elsewhere on this site, I worry about the offense. I wanted to see a big signing of a bat, not a pitcher, in FA. But I’m not going to worry about it in meaningless ST games. It’s just wasted energy, imo. But go ahead and complain if you want.

[big dog]

19 minutes ago, Riverbrian said:

Scott and Cindy happy couple with a growing household with two beautiful daughters and Cindy pregnant with their third child. 

When the baby was born. Scott knew something was wrong immediately. The baby was... well... i'll just say it...  ugly. Scott looked at his daughters and he looked at the new baby and he knew... something was wrong. He grew suspicious and he couldn't shake the suspicion so he walked up to his wife... looked her in the eye and said. The difference between our daughters and our brand new baby is striking. Our daughters are so beautiful and this baby is... he pauses... he couldn't contain the question any longer. He didn't want to ask it but he does. 

Cindy... did you cheat on me? 

Cindy says... no...(she pauses) She looks at his face... she can tell that Scott doesn't believe her answer. She grabs Scotts hands... looks him in the eye to be more reassuring.

No Scott I didn't... I promise... not this time.  

 

ouch

[Riverbrian]

18 hours ago, Squirrel said:

The problem with this is it’s such a waste of a beer …

Who are we to judge what a skeleton does with a beer. 

We all have skeletons in our closet. 

[Riverbrian]

12 hours ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

Would saying the odds are even count as a better joke?

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Steven Wright

[Riverbrian]

11 hours ago, sampleSizeOfOne said:

Doesn't involve betting, but i always was a fan of this:

Lieutenant. And how came you to leave your last employ?

Point. Why, sir, it was in this wise. My Lord was the Archbishop of Canterbury, and it was considered that one of my jokes was unsuited to His Grace's family circle. In truth, I ventured to ask a poor riddle, sir — Wherein lay the difference between His Grace and poor Jack Point? His Grace was pleased to give it up, sir. And thereupon I told him that whereas His Grace was paid £10,000 a year for being good, poor Jack Point was good — for nothing. 'Twas but a harmless jest, but it offended His Grace, who whipped me and set me in the stocks for a scurril rogue, and so we parted. I had as lief not take post again with the dignified clergy.

[MABB1959]

1 hour ago, Squirrel said:

While I’ve already said elsewhere on this site, I worry about the offense. I wanted to see a big signing of a bat, not a pitcher, in FA. But I’m not going to worry about it in meaningless ST games. It’s just wasted energy, imo. But go ahead and complain if you want.

I agree about ST games but it a little scary

[sampleSizeOfOne]

2 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

Me neither.

But is it funny?

[sampleSizeOfOne]

2 hours ago, Riverbrian said:

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Steven Wright

I can see that happening.

[ashbury]

On 3/13/2024 at 3:32 AM, Riverbrian said:

The best Joke ever:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Give me a Beer and a Mop". 

Also a good setup for any Cardi B jokes you may have on hand.

[Riverbrian]

33 minutes ago, ashbury said:

Also a good setup for any Cardi B jokes you may have on hand.

I'm not sure who Cardi B is exactly but I am very familiar with Cardi B because I frequently order it from the bartender once my drunkenness triggers my dyslexia. 

[sampleSizeOfOne]

On 3/16/2024 at 12:56 PM, Riverbrian said:

triggers my dyslexia. 

Luckily not a problem for me. I don't drink, and people only think i have lysdexia.