Locals React to Wednesday Rout of Yankees

[RandBalls Stu]

An event rare enough to challenge Halley’s Comet or a Superwolf Blood Moon occurred Wednesday evening. The Minnesota Twins beat the brakes off the New York Yankees 8-1, in a game so lopsided that normally superstitious Twins fans were seen smiling as they left the game in the 7th inning to beat traffic out of Ramp B on a weeknight. Twins Daily spoke with local citizens and tastemakers about the experience.

Jimmy Trueheart, Young Child with Fear and Distant Wonder in His Eyes: Papa told me that sometimes good things happen to bad people. When we beat the Yankees to death and left them screaming on the side of a gravel road on Wednesday night, I asked Papa, “Are we the bad people now?” Papa said, “No, son. Some folks deserve to scream on the side of a gravel road on a Wednesday night. The sinner reaps that which he sows. A great culling awaits. Mostly for (The Athletic’s Aaron) Gleeman.” I like chocolate.

Fred Marsters, Frequent Internet Commenter: Why are people happy? They’ve lost one million games to the Yankees. Enjoying one victory, much less anything ever, betrays an obvious lack of critical thinking or needed context. My wife left me.

Collin Roberts, Usher: Watching Yankees fans file out of the stadium, reeking of imported cologne and $14 domestic lagers, has convinced me to return to church this Sunday.

Rocco Baldelli, Manager: So everyone talks about the Phish Halloween shows as being for newbies to the whole Phish experience, but I always say the more the merrier. It’s a communal vibe. They’re for everyone. Listen to the 1994 show where they do the White Album. Glen Falls. It’s a whole ‘nother level, brother. ‘Glass Onion’ alone is price of admission stuff. What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah, Yankees. Good win, guys did great.

Dana Wessel, FM Radio Personality: Remember when the lawyer in Jurassic Park got ate? My dude was on the toilet! Chompjection, your honor!

Terry Nelson, Suburban Hockey Fan from Blaine or Woodbury: I heard thugs check your ID at the Target Field gate to make sure you’re woke enough to attend a game and if they don’t mug you on the spot, they let you in, but still burn your car and make your daughters listen to hip-hop. My penis doesn’t work, and it has never worked.

Winston, a Black Lab Dog: My owners were high-fiving the entire night and killed an entire box of wine. I saw a squirrel outside the bay window in the 6th inning who was clearly an immediate threat, and the owners chose to kennel me and continue watching the game. Humans are a mystery to me. Squirrels must die.

Glenn Hauer, Longtime Twins Fan: I enjoyed it 100% because if history is any guide, the Yankees will resume crushing our hopes and dreams on Thursday.

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[wsnydes]

Glenn nailed it.  He's no Nostradamus for it, but he nailed it.

[Dave The Dastardly]

Winston the Black Lab story reminds me of the time one of our daughters and her husband brought their 100 lb Rottweiler to our country home. Apparently the Rott had never seen a deer or a raccoon before, or apparently a picture window. After several failed attempts to hurdle through the window, our son-in-law subdued the Rott after earning several carpet burns as the dog dragged him across the living room carpet like a dead water skier. Roberre the Racoon was totally unfazed by the attention and returned that evening to lick the grease off my grill and clean up the grape jam the orioles had left in my wife's, she of the "Shoot that SOB" chant, bird feeder. The deer? Well, we think it was Matilda of the Twins. No, not an avowed Twins fan, she's not a masochist like me, but the female deer who drops a pair of twin fawns in my wife's flower garden every spring, the same deer family that eats the blossoms off all the flowers and craps all over our front sidewalk. They sort of have the runs of the place.

[miller761]

More to baseball than hitting and pitching. Failure to hold runners close to the base, dropped pop up, errors on throws, our guys botching up their base running. Last night's game looked all too familar - see 2021 season. Even if we make the playoffs we are doomed. Look at the Yankee and Astro games this year (1-5). These failures are on the manager. Hopefully this is a one time thing but it can't continue. 

[ashbury]

That 8-1 win probably means we're going to win the World Series, but we're still doomed.  Rocco should be fired and it doesn't matter who they hire to replace him because the team has no heart.  We won, 8-1, woohoo!  Woe is us.

[TheLeviathan]

How many TD accounts do Fred and Terry have combined?  Right now 85% of posts are being made by them....

[BK432]

Sheer brilliance.