Lawyers

[jimmer]

Q: What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

 

A: One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

 

Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at the bar association convention?

 

A: The caterer.

 

Q: What is the difference between accountants and lawyers?

 

A: Accountants know they are boring.

 

Any more?

Edited December 1, 2016 by jimmer

[Squirrel]

Lol ... you do know that our head moderator is a lawyer, right? Just fair warning!

 

Actually ... he's probably heard those and will likely have many more to contribute.

[Mike Sixel]

 

Lol ... you do know that our head moderator is a lawyer, right? Just fair warning!

 

Actually ... he's probably heard those and will likely have many more to contribute.

 

there is a head moderator? huh....

[jimmer]

Lol ... you do know that our head moderator is a lawyer, right? Just fair warning!

 

Actually ... he's probably heard those and will likely have many more to contribute.

I didnt know that, but they are just jokes :-) Edited December 1, 2016 by jimmer

[USAFChief]

What is the best thing to throw to a drowning lawyer?

 

His partners.

[gunnarthor]

Yeah, I was given a 1001 best lawyer jokes book when I graduated law school.  I have not read it.

[Vanimal46]

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

 

The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

[Vanimal46]

http://www.lawyer-jokes.mytwotails.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Murderer.gif

[Craig Arko]

[Craig Arko]

By the way, I've always preferred the term 'solicitor.'

[USAFChief]

Yeah, I was given a 1001 best lawyer jokes book when I graduated law school. I have not read it.

Smart...maintain plausible deniability.

[ashbury]

I didnt know that, but they are just jokes :-)

http://i966.photobucket.com/albums/ae147/aceojuno/backpedal.gif

http://i.imgur.com/4zDgecD.jpg

[ashbury]

Here are the lawyer jokes from my accumulated 80-character repository.

 

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- B.Franklin
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
A town too small to support one lawyer can easily support two.
Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.   -- Robert Louis Stevenson
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?
Lawyer is just liar mispronounced.
Lawyer, n.:  One skilled in circumventing the law.  -- Ambrose Bierce
Lawyers bat last.
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.  -- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
Lawyers: The larval form of politicians.
My lawyer calls his doctor Doc; does the doctor call him Law?
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.  -- Shakespeare
The second thing we do is go back and kill all lawyers we missed the first time.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?  Professional courtesy.
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

 

And, two other variants on that Shakespeare thing that assumes you know lawyers are implied:

First thing we do is kill all the cabdrivers.  -- W. Shakespeare, safety officer

First thing we do is kill all the spammers.  -- w.shakespeare@bard.avon.org