Chuck Klostermann's HYPERtheticals

[Mike Sixel]

 

You hound dog, you.

 

Just trying to keep the wife happy.....

[Squirrel]

 

Just trying to keep the wife happy.....

Did you check with her on that answer, then? Are you sure she wouldn't have said Dozier's hair?

[formerly33]

 

I should have clarified that part. For the pitching end, I'm using the more traditional four pitch "tools" and command/control "tool" as the five pitching tools. For hitting, the traditional hit, power, run, arm, field.

I wondered if you'd let me get away with that.

[twinsnorth49]

I think I'm safe where I am for the zombie apocalypse, maybe a bit further north and let the polar bears sort them out.

 

I'll take power and speed as my tools, Aaron's power and Hendo's speed. That should be a good career.

[biggentleben]

I think I'm safe where I am for the zombie apocalypse, maybe a bit further north and let the polar bears sort them out.

 

I'll take power and speed as my tools, Aaron's power and Hendo's speed. That should be a good career.

Even if you only hit .210?

[twinsnorth49]

Even if you only hit .210?

Zombies don't like low batting averages?

[Squirrel]

Zombies don't like low batting averages?

If it were low bowling averages, I'd be safe everywhere.

[Craig Arko]

Zombies don't like low batting averages?

Zombie Mendoza.

[Hrbowski]

The arm of Yoenis Cespedes and the glove of Willie Mays.

[ashbury]

Zombie Mendoza.

Like, anyone could tell the difference?

[Vanimal46]

Here's a question in the spirit of real baseball games approaching quickly...
 

Two Tickets to Paradise!
 

Congratulations! I don't know how you keep winning these prizes, but you do! Good job, you! This prize is 2 tickets to an upcoming Twins game! You have two options on where to sit in Target Field for the game... The first option are nosebleed seats. However, you're in a section where there's a giveaway with free beer, food, and a crowd of TD members next to you. It's up to you whether that's a good or bad thing that TD members are sitting next to you. The second option are Champion's Club seats. However, in these seats, drinks, food, and even using the restrooms are out of the question. You're just there to sit in those seats, and that's it.

Which option do you choose?

[Mike Sixel]

A, not even close. I want to have some fun.

[formerly33]

B. And it's not even close. I don't need you guys to find out what I'm really like, and I'm not sure if i want to find the same about you. And anyway, I'm too young to drink, dislike potty trotters, and it's cheaper (and healthier) to bring your own food. And the only two times I went to games I just sat there and stared at the field like a Border Collie staring at a sheep; I totally enjoyed myself, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I was in a group. Sorry guys ... maybe if you bring your binoculars you can view me from afar. Though you might not want to ... I get there are a few TD posters who'd say, "A - if Always isn't going to be along." In which case, you totally get your cake and can eat it, too.

[Craig Arko]

I rarely turn down free beer.

[Squirrel]

C. Turn down the offer and stay home and watch the game on the television. Or turn them down and buy my own to have the freedom to enjoy the game on my own terms.

[twinsnorth49]

A.

 

I didn't even read the rest.

[biggentleben]

B. Not really close. I tend to be the guy with pencil and a scorebook the entire game. If I'm close enough, I'm charting pitches as well, so I'm not going to be going to the restroom or worried much about food or drink at a ballgame. I know that I'm one of the weird ones...and I'm perfectly fine with that. I've got the sickness, and no, I have no desire for the cure.

[formerly33]

 

B. Not really close. I tend to be the guy with pencil and a scorebook the entire game. If I'm close enough, I'm charting pitches as well, so I'm not going to be going to the restroom or worried much about food or drink at a ballgame. I know that I'm one of the weird ones...and I'm perfectly fine with that. I've got the sickness, and no, I have no desire for the cure.

Lol ... we'll sit next to each other without saying a word, and neither of us will ever realize who the other is ... though I might recognize you from your Twitter picture (if I bother to look).

[biggentleben]

 

Lol ... we'll sit next to each other without saying a word, and neither of us will ever realize who the other is ... though I might recognize you from your Twitter picture (if I bother to look).

 

Luckily, I married very well, and she was willing to accompany me on a 10-game, 2-week baseball-focused honeymoon. She frequently was exploring the stadium and finding food, though, while I was watching the game. She understands...

[formerly33]

 

Luckily, I married very well, and she was willing to accompany me on a 10-game, 2-week baseball-focused honeymoon. She frequently was exploring the stadium and finding food, though, while I was watching the game. She understands...

I doubt I'll ever marry (I'm suffering from an extreme and debilitating case of narcissism), but I've promised myself if I do, we'll have a baseball-focused honeymoon as well. I was thinking the WS ... we'll get engaged at whatever time just to make it official, but instead of wasting a bunch of money on making a big shebang of our wedding, we'll not settle on a date until the Twins go to the WS (when we're 66 and 62, respectively), and then we'll have a quick little town hall wedding and then on to the Twins ...

 

Fortunately for me, I'm the lady in this situation and will probably sit with my pencil and scorebook as he wanders around the stadium finding food, etc.

[Vanimal46]

So we've found out there's 2 seat elitists here, ChiTown who won't leave her house, and the rest of us can't turn down a beer and a good time  

Clearly my answer is A. Those are some of the best game time experiences I've had at TF. It's been a couple of years since I've been able to attend a game at TF, but I do recall one of my favorite times there was with a group of 5 other guys, getting seats in the LF home run porch, and heckling whoever was playing LF for the Orioles at the time. The beers were flowing, trash talk was on point, and Josh Willingham crushed a game tying HR in the 8th inning a few rows over from us.  

[Vanimal46]

Alright, here's something to dream about....

Shaquille in the Shower

 

You come home from an afternoon of shopping, expecting your residence to be empty. However, upon entering your front door, you immediately sense that something is strange: The entire place smells like marijuana and roses. There is a briefcase sitting in the middle of your living room floor, filled with diamonds and Christmas cookies. You can hear the shower running, and -- when you open the door to the bathroom -- you realize that the man using the shower is basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal. A naked Shaq peers at you from behind the shower curtain and smiles enthusiastically, but says nothing. He then returns to washing himself. When you ask O'Neal what he is doing in your home, he simply says, "I don't remember."

 

Do you call the police?

[Mike Sixel]

Wow, that's, um, either from a movie, or really creative.......

[Craig Arko]

Yes. My dogs must have been napped.

[formerly33]

Actually I put some perfectly executed Tae Kwon Do moves into use and boot him out the door without bothering to ask what he's up to. Not a basketball fan so I don't recognize him, nor would I care if I did. Not only do I call the police but I sue for reparations.

 

Then I think to myself, "This may be a popular subject for a blog post ... "

[Hrbowski]

 

Actually I put some perfectly executed Tae Kwon Do moves into use and boot him out the door without bothering to ask what he's up to. Not a basketball fan so I don't recognize him, nor would I care if I did. Not only do I call the police but I sue for reparations.

 

Then I think to myself, "This may be a popular subject for a blog post ... "

You don't know any Tae Kwon Do moves. Get your Father to teach you Karate.

[Hrbowski]

 

Alright, here's something to dream about....

Shaquille in the Shower

 

You come home from an afternoon of shopping, expecting your residence to be empty. However, upon entering your front door, you immediately sense that something is strange: The entire place smells like marijuana and roses. There is a briefcase sitting in the middle of your living room floor, filled with diamonds and Christmas cookies. You can hear the shower running, and -- when you open the door to the bathroom -- you realize that the man using the shower is basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal. A naked Shaq peers at you from behind the shower curtain and smiles enthusiastically, but says nothing. He then returns to washing himself. When you ask O'Neal what he is doing in your home, he simply says, "I don't remember."

 

Do you call the police?

Sure would.

[ashbury]

Do you call the police?

No. A paparazzo, and negotiate my percentage cut. With which, I then hire a divorce lawyer.

[Squirrel]

Alright, here's something to dream about....

 

Shaquille in the Shower

 

You come home from an afternoon of shopping, expecting your residence to be empty. However, upon entering your front door, you immediately sense that something is strange: The entire place smells like marijuana and roses. There is a briefcase sitting in the middle of your living room floor, filled with diamonds and Christmas cookies. You can hear the shower running, and -- when you open the door to the bathroom -- you realize that the man using the shower is basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal. A naked Shaq peers at you from behind the shower curtain and smiles enthusiastically, but says nothing. He then returns to washing himself. When you ask O'Neal what he is doing in your home, he simply says, "I don't remember."

 

Do you call the police?

If he doesn't remember why he's there chances are he doesn't remember the diamonds or me interrupting his shower. So after a good long look I say, 'Okay then,' and leave him to his shower. While he does that I take the diamonds and leave and pretend I was never there.

 

I also take any unused pot with me too.

[formerly33]

 

You don't know any Tae Kwon Do moves. Get your Father to teach you Karate.

This is fantasy, Hrb.

 

To add to that (now that you're no longer hovering over my shoulder), one of the two things I really, really want to learn is tae kwon do. The other is riding a motorcycle. You know good and well I don't have a chance getting my father to teach me karate (or much else, for that matter), and he probably isn't a very qualified black belt at this point in his life anyway.