Chuck Klostermann's HYPERtheticals

[Hrbowski]

 

Today's question off the top of my head....

Back to the 90's:

AT&T is running a once in a lifetime offer! They want to increase sales on their land line phones, and offers you a monthly stipend for the rest of your life to ditch your smart phone, and return to the days of land lines. What that monthly stipend will be is up to you. However, there is a catch... No matter what year it is, you will never be able to own another cell phone again. And whatever they invent as the replacement of cell phones is also on the list for devices you can no longer own. Everything else in your life remains the same, using the computer to check email, browse the internet, etc.

How much money would you need per month to give up your cell phone for good? 

 

I don't have a cell phone, but I don't want to go back to the 90's.

[Craig Arko]

Since all the baseball threads have devolved into pissing contests again, let me see if I can think up a question to get this thread moving again.

 

With your permission, Mr. Vanimal.

[Mike Sixel]

 

Since all the baseball threads have devolved into pissing contests again, let me see if I can think up a question to get this thread moving again.

 

With your permission, Mr. Vanimal.

please do

[Squirrel]

 

please do

concur

[Vanimal46]

 

Since all the baseball threads have devolved into pissing contests again, let me see if I can think up a question to get this thread moving again.

 

With your permission, Mr. Vanimal.

Yes, go for it. It'd be nice to be a contestant instead of a host.

[Craig Arko]

I'm tempted to go for something from Cards Against Humanity but that might prove too un-family friendly for this site.

[Mike Sixel]

Try something about other sports?

Food you have to give up or eat in exchange for?

[Craig Arko]

 

Try something about other sports?

Food you have to give up or eat in exchange for?

If you think of a good one please do jump in.

[Mike Sixel]

 

If you think of a good one please do jump in.

 

I would if I had one.........not as easy as I thought. New appreciation for our friend.....

[Vanimal46]

Alright, here's one I made up off the top of my head:

One-time Time Traveler:

Holy buckets you did it! You finally made a working time machine, and it's completely fool-proof. You sent a dog back to 1931, and it returned with a newspaper from August 21, 1931. There's a catch with this time machine; it can only work one time, and anything more than one time will permanently alter your body and mind. So you have a choice: What are you going to do with your one-time opportunity to travel back in time?

Do you try to alter mankind and kill baby Hitler? Do you go back and invest heavily in Apple/Macintosh in order to be obscenely rich today? Do you go back and help out a younger version of yourself? The choice is yours.....

What are you going to do with your opportunity? 
 

[Mike Sixel]

Go back and invest, I'd think. That would allow me to be so rich I could donate money to charities like crazy.

 

I do have some political things I'd like to figure out how to pull off though, so I'll reserve the right to alter my answer.

 

would you go back and tell everyone about the holocaust? Or maybe even more recent, and protect the people of Flint?

[Vanimal46]

Those are all good questions Mike. Something to think about though. If you do go back to let's say 1932, before the Nazi regime came to power, would anyone believe you that the Holocaust is imminent? I would think you'd have to do something drastic like kill Hitler, or whoever you feel is going to lead that charge for genocide....

[Craig Arko]

I think I'd go and rescue Sam Beckett.

 

[TheLeviathan]

The temptation to follow around the major religious figures would be hard to resist.  But I'd go back and invest and use my future riches to help the world in other ways.

[Squirrel]

I honestly have no idea.

[Vanimal46]

I don't think there's a wrong answer here. I'd probably go with the investment angle, but it would be hard to explain how a person born in 1990 made his first investment in the 1970s....

 

A small part of me would like to travel back to the time when I was heartbroken from my first girlfriend to let myself know you're going to be better for it. Now that I'm slightly (emphasis on slightly) more aware on cues from women, it'd also be nice to go back to the college days to slap myself and say hey dumb*** she likes you...

[Craig Arko]

Okay, sticking with the time travel theme. In the 1960 classic film, The Time Machine, based on HG Wells' novel there is a mystery left at the end.

 

The Time Traveller (played by Rod Taylor) gets back in his machine and returns forever to a future with the illiterate Eloi and the degenerate cannibals, the Morlocks.

 

To rebuild the shattered world, he takes with him three books from his library. His friend Philby inquires of the housekeeper "What three books would you have taken?"

 

So, to rebuild the future, what three books would YOU bring?

[Vanimal46]

Okay, sticking with the time travel theme. In the 1960 classic film, The Time Machine, based on HG Wells' novel there is a mystery left at the end.

The Time Traveller (played by Rod Taylor) gets back in his machine and returns forever to a future with the illiterate Eloi and the degenerate cannibals, the Morlocks.

To rebuild the shattered world, he takes with him three books from his library. His friend Philby inquires of the housekeeper "What three books would you have taken?"

So, to rebuild the future, what three books would YOU bring?

Man I'm going to have to think about this. My first instinct are books I would not include in this list. I can say for certain I would leave all religious literature out of it, solely for the hope to prevent all of the wars, genocides, and conflicts that were caused by a difference in religious beliefs.... I'll get back to you with my titles.

[Squirrel]

 

Okay, sticking with the time travel theme. In the 1960 classic film, The Time Machine, based on HG Wells' novel there is a mystery left at the end.

The Time Traveller (played by Rod Taylor) gets back in his machine and returns forever to a future with the illiterate Eloi and the degenerate cannibals, the Morlocks.

To rebuild the shattered world, he takes with him three books from his library. His friend Philby inquires of the housekeeper "What three books would you have taken?"

So, to rebuild the future, what three books would YOU bring?

'The Martian' ... for both learning how to survive and for comedy.

[Craig Arko]

I also am still thinking about this; trying to limit it to choices that are actually in my library. Inclining towards one book about Earth science, one about Chemistry, and one about Engineering.

 

I thought about including works related to the Arts, but maybe it would be best to let the Eloi start from scratch and develop their own.

[Mike Sixel]

I'm going to back in time to the earlier question......

 

I guess it is about investing. It allows you to do so many things. Heck, I could buy Flint's water system.....so, ya, that has to be it. Become so wealthy that you can fix so many things, and influence so many things......

 

Books? Tough call. I'll have to re-acquaint myself with the Eloi before answering, brb.

[Vanimal46]

When it comes to the book question, I'm answering this with the assumption that I'm the only one that knows how to read in the new world, and I have to be the one to read it to these people... I have no patience to explain the meaning of every word, so the first book is for sure a dictionary.... 

I'd also need a book on construction/survival, because once again, I'm the only one who knows how to read, and don't know the first thing about construction. 

Finally, I need a book with comic relief. If these people are illiterate, at least they can enjoy pictures/comic strips. IMO Calvin and Hobbes are one of the best comic strips of all-time, so I'm bringing that to entertain the folks. 

[Squirrel]

I don't know what books are out there on survival, but I'd try to find the best, most practical one I could. Same with some kind of DIY book. It all depends on if in the scenario of the ruined world, how much is ruined? Completely destroyed, decimated, flattened, turned to rubble, starting from scratch ruined? Or not functioning, broken but still salvagible ruined?

[Craig Arko]

In the film, there are some remnants of the advanced civilization that existed prior to the war that pretty much wiped out the planet. Most of the remaining industrial-type technology was underground, where the Morlocks ruled and took Eloi prisoners for slaves and, ultimately, food.

 

The quickest way to get a handle on the environment may be to search for 'Time Machine 1960.' and then check out the images from the film that are available.

 

And if you've never seen the film, it actually has held up quite well over the years; give it a shot.

 

 

[Mike Sixel]

This is a hard, hard question. I assume I am bringing a hard copy, and not e-book. So, it can't be so big I can't carry it around........

[Craig Arko]

 

This is a hard, hard question. I assume I am bringing a hard copy, and not e-book. So, it can't be so big I can't carry it around........

Assumption = fact, in this case. No free passes in the baseball threads.

[Vanimal46]

Here's a ridiculous HYPERthetical of the day:

Dove Contest Winner:

 

Congratulations! You've been selected to participate in a study conducted by Dove Hair and Body Wash. In this study, you will be compensated $35k for your efforts.... The study is pretty simple. Dove wants to find out how well their product works for hygiene purposes. They are seeking the dirtiest, smelliest people on the planet to ensure their products work. In order to qualify for the payment, you have to go 2 months without washing your hair, using deodorant, or brushing your teeth.

Would you go through with this study? If you are on the fence, what price would you need to be paid in order to go through with this study?

[Mike Sixel]

No chance I would go 2 months w/o brushing my teeth. None.

 

I don't use shampoo on my hair hardly at all. Stopped a few years ago. After a few weeks, your hair produces less oil, and it is as good as "new". Maybe 1-2 times a month I use shampoo right now. I still wash my hair with water every day, but the purpose of shampoo is to dry out your hair, so you buy conditioner. For most people (w/o "dirty" jobs), shampoo is a waste of money, and is bad for your hair.

[TheLeviathan]

35,000 just isn't enough to be a total slob for two months for me.

[Vanimal46]

 

No chance I would go 2 months w/o brushing my teeth. None.

 

I don't use shampoo on my hair hardly at all. Stopped a few years ago. After a few weeks, your hair produces less oil, and it is as good as "new". Maybe 1-2 times a month I use shampoo right now. I still wash my hair with water every day, but the purpose of shampoo is to dry out your hair, so you buy conditioner. For most people (w/o "dirty" jobs), shampoo is a waste of money, and is bad for your hair.

Hmm, very interesting. I had no idea shampoo was that bad for your hair.. I would have thought it would be the complete opposite where your hair produces more oil if you don't use shampoo. 

Now I know, and knowing is half the battle... GI JOE.