Local Idiot Surprised by Rash of Twins Pitching Injuries

A veritable infusion of variations on stupidity😀

"Snarky writer lampoons readers who are simply pointing out Twins Front Office's track record of trading for starting pitchers who immediately get hurt"

Aptly written.  There is literally nothing of value to say about this team.  We are who we were with a few changes. From a year ago we have diluted our starting pitching. Buttressed that with a thin bullpen and patched together the field with a mixed bag of players who’s first line of their bio starts with “If they stay healthy…”. 

“YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME ARE YOU”!?!-Logan’s Wife

Logan, “What a weird way to start a conversation “. 

"Cornfed rube".

Given the state's predilection for homegrown sweet corn this could be any of us.

1 hour ago, killertwinfan said:

Aptly written.  There is literally nothing of value to say about this team.  We are who we were with a few changes. From a year ago we have diluted our starting pitching. Buttressed that with a thin bullpen and patched together the field with a mixed bag of players who’s first line of their bio starts with “If they stay healthy…”. 

Sounds like your beer stein is 3/4 empty. I'd suggest a bottle of Grain Belt. Stay away from that canned stuff.

I'm not really a fan but calling Derek Falvey a "local idiot" is a bit extreme imo.  

It's truly a measure of how sideways the modern sabermetric-obsessed game has become when fans are trained that the ONLY way to pitch is to chuck the ball as hard as humanly possible every single time and OBVBIOUSLY this means most chuckers are going to destroy their arms and if you didn't unquestioningly accept this you're a stupid rube.  

In a few years some cutting edge team is going to try a grand experiment in which starters DON'T actually chuck it as hard as possible every time but experiment with mixing speeds and taking a few MPH off the heater in an effort to prolong careers.  They'll call it "pitching" and minds will be blown.   

What’s wrong being corn fed? I like my ribeye corn fed. I like my bacon corn fed. Go Twins.

Well if the pitcher who throws 104 is only throwing 101 at this point of the season that is significantly less torque and he should be able to handle that lower level of stress on his body.  

The ‘24 Twins opening day roster. “Sound as a pound”.

20 hours ago, Woof Bronzer said:

In a few years some cutting edge team is going to try a grand experiment in which starters DON'T actually chuck it as hard as possible every time but experiment with mixing speeds and taking a few MPH off the heater in an effort to prolong careers.  They'll call it "pitching" and minds will be blown.   

The Rick Anderson way

Idiot, moron, bozo, dullard, sap.

These don't make it funnier and actually make it less funny.  (This is not about PC, I"m talking about writing satire).  The "report" of this guy would never use these words.  Certainly the writer of this article (in the fake world) needs to be credible for this to be funny.

I've seen it before in this space and believe Stu wouldn't do this without a reason (because he knows this takes away from it all).  But it's the same with feeling we need to make sure people understand it's satire by putting the definition up there, and maybe that's the point.  It's sad.  If it gets to the point where you have to explain it's satire once, much less multiple times, it's maybe time to stop.  My guess is that Stu's talents in this arena can be much better used, more comedic.

On Canis Hoopus you're not allow to explain the joke.  If someone can't get it, that's their own fault.  

Logan must be a high ranking member of the FO?

On 3/22/2024 at 3:24 PM, Woof Bronzer said:

I'm not really a fan but calling Derek Falvey a "local idiot" is a bit extreme imo.  

I agree.  I think he’s done an okay job, for example the Lopez trade.  And then not so good such as the Tyler Mahle trade.  Do I prefer him over Terry Ryan ABSOLUTELY!