Your Guide to the Worst Black Friday Deals in Twins Territory

[RandBalls Stu]

Don’t be fooled by these deals. They’re not steals.

Image courtesy of K-Bid

 

As you battle your fellow Minnesotans for the last Rosedale parking spot, hoping the sporting goods store has an XL Byron Buxton Twin Cities jersey you can drop half a paycheck on, you should know that there are many other online and brick-and-mortar outlets showcasing their wares for you, the hardcore Twins fan. Twins Daily has run the numbers, and what follows are the worst consumer options out there. Keep your head on a swivel.

• 20% off signed copies of “Why Is He So Tiny Now? An Oral History of Bret Boone’s Three Weeks as a Minnesota Twin.”
• $99 for a six-month premium subscription to My Favorite Blown Calls, Phil Cuzzi’s podcast about his signature umpiring moments.
• Free first-timer visit to Ken Mauer and Andrelton Simmons’ new holistic medicine outlet, Vitastrong, located in Maplewood’s worst strip mall. No vaccines, no doctors, just nutritional advice from a cooked shortstop and an NBA ref that looks like he wears a leather jacket to Latin Mass. Vitastrong is not responsible for any measles you get during your visit, and you will get measles.
• Trial subscription to Aaron Gleeman’s new Substack newsletter, Text Messages I Haven’t Responded To. The Twins beat writer shares all the texts he gets from other baseball writers, morning radio hosts with unlikely haircuts, and unwashed bloggers to whom he simply is never going to reply. Use code WOULDYOUJUSTSTOPDANA to receive 40% off.
• 50% off The Motivational Speeches of Tommy Herr. This 12-cassette collection from the recalcitrant infielder for whom we traded away Tom Brunansky is the perfect gift for the father or uncle you flat-out hate.
• Craigslist ad for Metrodome urinal trough. It says $40 or best offer, but it’s just a scam. Do not ask which Twins Daily writers have had their credit card information compromised by this too-good-to-be-true deal (OK, so far it’s Stu, Parker, and John).

 

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[cHawk]

Due to the flavor of the fruits of past offseasons, I have reason to believe Falvey and Levine would make every single one of these deals.

[DocBauer]

Stu, you forgot to mention that along with the $99 6 month Phil Cuzzi, "MY FAVORITE BLOWN CALLS" offer, you also receive...FREE OF CHARGE...a 12 month subscription to Angel Hernandez's podcast "WHY I'M A REALLY GOOD UMPIRE", subtitled, "why everyone should really like and root for me". 

It's an amazing 2 for 1 gift idea that should be at the top...errr...bottom of every baseball fan's Xmas list.

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

3 hours ago, DocBauer said:

Stu, you forgot to mention that along with the $99 6 month Phil Cuzzi, "MY FAVORITE BLOWN CALLS" offer, you also receive...FREE OF CHARGE...a 12 month subscription to Angel Hernandez's podcast "WHY I'M A REALLY GOOD UMPIRE", subtitled, "why everyone should really like and root for me". 

It's an amazing 2 for 1 gift idea that should be at the top...errr...bottom of every baseball fan's Xmas list.

Don’t forget to select “Auto-renewal” on those podcasts, doc, cuz after about a week you’re gonna forget you ever subscribed, theyre gonna keep pushing you the product anyway, and you don’t want those nasty umpires sending you to collections after 6 months plus 90 days ?

[mikelink45]

I heard that the Twins were going to shock the world and pick up Justin Jefferson after confirming that he can catch everything!  So long Carlos. 

[ashbury]

Beware of the "buy 2, get 1 free" offer on Jaime Garcia game-used Twins jerseys, whatever the bargain price you see in the ad.

[LewFordLives]

Interesting....I saw that picture before reading the article and the first thing that came to mind was the Metrodome "troughs".

On a side note, I was at the Oakland Coliseum about 10 years ago and they also had the troughs in the men's room, only they were all rusty (and I think they were also leaking). At least the ones at the dome were relatively clean. Might make a good stocking stuffer!