BREAKING NEWS: Twins sign 4th-String Catcher

[Diesel]

January 15th, 2019

 

written by Diesel (Note: this is a satire piece inspired by many works, including RandBallStu)

 

The Minnesota Twins have signed catcher Josh Donaldson to a 4-year $92 million contract, pending a physical. It is expected that Donaldson’s main role will be being the third or fourth-string catcher, dependent on whether Willians Astudillo is up with the major league club.

 

“We are very excited to have 4 catchers available to play on any given day,” said manager Rocco Baldelli at the press conference introducing the largest free agent signing in club history. “We expect Josh (Donaldson) to pick up a few reps at third, first, and DH, but we’ve got to make sure Mitch Garver gets enough rest throughout the season. 2019 was very strenuous on the kid.”

 

In 2019, the now 29 year-old Garver appeared in 93 games, with now-Angels catcher Jason Castro and Astudillo also having significant workloads. “I haven’t played catcher for a few years, due to being behind some generational talents

on the depth chart, like Kurt Suzuki, Russell Martin, and Tyler Flowers.” said Donaldson.

 

Even as Donaldson has aged, he has belief that he can step back behind the plate after so many years playing other positions. “A couple years ago, Joe Mauer went back to playing catcher. Why can’t I?” In other news, there are currently rumors that the Twins are discussing a trade with the Indians for catcher Carlos Santana. “Catchers are known to be some of the smartest guys in the world,” stated team president Derek Falvey. “Having many catchers who can also play other positions will be key in this team’s path to a title. Joe, you can come back too if you want!”

 

[Seth Stohs]

Well played... that was great, highlighted by the photo at the end. 

[Richie the Rally Goat]

Too funny!

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

Replacing emergency catcher CJ Cron was not going to be cheap!

 

[operation mindcrime]

Replacing emergency catcher CJ Cron was not going to be cheap!

 

CROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sampleSizeOfOne]

At this rate, could we be the first team to run 9 catchers out there opening day?

 

I approve!

 

This could really catch on...

[ashbury]

At this rate, could we be the first team to run 9 catchers out there opening day?

 

I approve!

 

This could really catch on...

Could get a bit unwieldy in Spring when pitchers and catchers report.

 

[JD Green]

So the day pitchers and catchers report, if you aren't a pitcher, everyone else reports as a catcher?

[Twodogs]

At this rate, could we be the first team to run 9 catchers out there opening day?

 

I approve!

 

This could really catch on...

This might explain our infield defense??

[sampleSizeOfOne]

So the day pitchers and catchers report, everyone reports as a catcher?

ftfy.

 

Yes.

 

I suppose there might be a seperate day for coaches?

[David HK]

 

This might explain our infield defense??

Yeh. But you'd think MLBers would know not to wear the tools of ignorance out on the diamond...

[sampleSizeOfOne]

Actually i bet this is really stupid.

 

Are there rules about how close an infield can be drawn?

 

Can we apply hockey tactics like screening the batter so he can't see the pitch coming?

 

Or have someone deflect the pitch through the strike zone?

 

Would the tools of ignorance make a player comfortable there?

 

I loosely assume the pitcher is supposed to be the closest fielder, but i don't actually know...

[Diesel]

Actually i bet this really stupid.

 

Are there rules about how close an infield can be drawn?

 

Can we apply hockey tactics like screening the batter so he can't see the pitch coming?

 

Or have someone deflect the pitch through the strike zone?

 

Would the tools of ignorance make a player comfortable there?

 

I loosely assume the pitcher i supposed to be the closest fielder, but i don't actually know...

According to the rule book, enough space has to be given for the batter to have a full swing, for the runner to get to first, and for the pitch to get to the catcher. So yeah, you could technically do this.