Jake Cave to Spend Offseason Training at Jake Cave

[RandBalls Stu]

It's a cave for Jakes.

Image courtesy of © Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

After making the final out of the 2023 NLCS, former Twins and current Phillies outfielder Jake Cave has some decisions to make.

He’ll be making them at Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes.

“Now that I’m 30, I know that I’m at a professional crossroads,” said Cave, who Philadelphia claimed off waivers in December 2022. “I’m not promised anything. Jake Cave will help me, Jake Cave, be the best Jake Cave I can be.”

Located in the verdant Tennessee countryside near Chattanooga, Jake Cave is a cave for Jakes fed by natural spring water. It has provided a home for wayward and troubled Jakes since its discovery in the late 1800s, as well as providing health resources and skill building opportunities for adult Jakes.

“Our career development and pivoting courses are the envy of other organizations,” said Jake Cave spokesperson Annika Hunter. “We’re not just a cave for Jakes. We give Jakes a chance to learn, grow, and celebrate other Jakes’ strength. If Jake Cave wants to focus on cardio and weights, he can. If he wants to scrap baseball and become a landscape architect, our cave for Jakes gives him the tools.”

The Phillies haven’t indicated if Cave is in their 2024 plans, but Cave says being at a cave purpose-built for Jakes helps him focus amid the uncertainty.

“I’d love to stay with Philadelphia, but that’s not something that’s in my control,” said Cave. “Here at the Jake Cave, I can control my diet, my breakout sessions, even my collaborations with our friends at Nick Cave, the cave for Nicks.”

Nick Cave, the cave for Nicks, is in Dalton, Georgia, roughly 45 minutes away. It provides similar services to Jake Cave, only for Nicks. It has no affiliation with Australian singer-songwriter Nick Cave, despite a client list exclusively comprised of goths and moody balladeers.

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[KBJ1]

Sad thing for Philly that it came down to that. Several questionable decisions by the Mgr. In that game. Why did he let a guy who was 0 - 22 bat before him? Obviously has not been seeing the ball of late. Wasn't  Schwarber also available on the bench? We have a 512 % team in the WS now.

[Johnny Ringo]

Jake should spend time in the Bat Cave. 

Love it as always Stu.

[chinmusic]

35 minutes ago, Johnny Ringo said:

Jake should spend time in the Bat Cave. 

Haha.  Good one!

An aside . What better way to illustrate the randomness of baseball, than having Jake Cave represent your last chance.

[Logi_Clevs]

I heard Jake Peavy and Jake Arietta are making some good headway in remodeling and renovating Jake Cave. Supposedly there wasn't enough room in the game room so they're taking some space from the kitchen. No word on how Jake Odorizzi feels about it yet. 

[Mortimerkenny21]

They are likely to encounter some bad seeds at the Nick Cave's

[singlesoverwalks]

There was plenty of room to work in a "Release the Bats" joke in the last couple paragraphs.

[ashbury]

I would exile Jake Cave to Nicolas Cage and throw away the key.

[Andrew Bryz-Gornia]

Needs more Less Than Jake.