Vegas Releases Odds On Next Byron Buxton Injury

Bet your child’s college fund on what happens to the talented and oft-hurt Twins outfielder next.

When Byron Buxton experienced a setback in his recovery from a shoulder injury this week, it cast a cloud over an otherwise positive run of play for the Minnesota Twins. It also caused Las Vegas bookmakers to reset the big board on what will next ail the star-crossed center fielder.

These are the current odds on the next mishap that will send Buxton to the injured list.

• Bruised ribs 3-2
  
• Separated shoulder 2-1
  
• Concussion, baseball-derived 5-2
  
• Runningintoawallatfullspeed-itis 3-1
  
• Killer bees 7-2
  
• Concussion, struck-by-errant-Kirk Cousins-pass-while-attending-Vikings-game-derived, 4-1
  
• One of those diseases you get because people aren’t vaccinating their kids anymore 5-1
  
• One of those diseases you get because of the melting Arctic permafrost, like werewolf dysplasia or something 11-2
  
• Trampled by Paul Bunyan statue that has come to horrible life, 8-1
  
• Treated by Indianapolis Colts trainers, 10-1
  
• Told to “rub dirt on it” when it’s obviously an open wound by one of those guys who always rails against participation trophies and entitled millennials even though he works for his dad 12-1
  
• Zach Granite’s Lament 14-1
  
• Toilet explosion 15-1
  
• Joins Slipknot as a second drummer and tours Europe 18-1
  
• Zombie uprising (fast zombies) 20-1
  
• Attacked by the same bird that attacked James Paxton, who has developed a taste for it now and continues to learn 25-1
  
• Zombie uprising (slow zombies) 35-1
  
• Gets lost in rural Falcon Heights looking for State Fair parking spot, 40-1
  
• Zombie uprising (Rob Zombie) 55-1
  
• Watches the watchmen, develops cataracts, 60-1
  
• Comes at king, misses 65-1
  
• Develops allergy to baseball gloves 70-1
  
• Joins an improv group and constantly asks teammates to come out and watch a performance and is told to stay away from the team for a while because my god Byron 85-1
  
• Doesn’t get hurt for the rest of the season 5000-1
  

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