'Cheap Pohlads' Guy's Heart Isn't In It Anymore

For decades, there's been a vocal faction of Twins fans furious with the Pohlad family for not spending money on the team they own. It's waxed and waned over the years, with the payroll slashing of the last two seasons causing a spike in disgust. Now, with new Pohlad-in-charge Tom adding salary and making moves to better the squad, even dyed-in-the-wool Pohlad haters are tipping their caps.

With this in mind, Twins Daily reached out to Jack Nyquist, the local man who claims to have invented the "Cheap Pohlads" talking point in the mid-'90s. And while he's still skeptical, it's clear that he's working to adjust to the new reality.

"OK, so they're well under their payroll number from last season, and way under the one from the last playoff run," said Nyquist, dejectedly. "But even I can't get mad about it. They're actually trying. I can't believe I've gotta hand it to them. It's a real bummer."

Nyquist, who bought 11 seats in the upper deck recently so he and his friends could wear T-shirts that spelled S-E-L-L-T-H-E-T-E-A-M when they all sat together, said he's been getting calls, texts, and email from his fellow haters about potential next steps.

"Nobody knows what to do right now," said Nyquist, rubbing both index fingers against his temples. "They're doing the one thing cheap Pohlads don't do, and that's be not cheap. I just wish they'd given us some warning."

Although Tom Pohlad has been vocal since spring training about his desire to help the team be competitive this year, Nyquist said he had no way of knowing he actually meant it.

"Lucy told Charlie Brown he could kick the football so many times, man," said Nyquist. "He never got to kick it. The Pohlads spent money before he got to kick the football. Think about that. The world is upside down and I don't know what to do about it."

When asked if the recent losing streak and the nebulous status of Joe Ryan and Byron Buxton might cause the Twins to regret their relative largesse at the trade deadline, not even Nyquist could reach for the anger he once so easily accessed.

"Man, they've got (new reliever Jeff) Hoffman and (new starter Dean) Kremer for 2027, too," said the longtime Roseville resident. "They clearly plan to be competitive next year, too. I don't even know, man. Should I transition to being a 'Buxton won't play hurt' guy? I never thought I'd need to get a new bit. This stinks." 

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