Image courtesy of Flickr/Jeffrey Hayes
Twins Video
The legendary Ichiro Suzuki was overwhelmingly elected to Baseball’s Hall of Fame on Tuesday, nabbing all but one of the 550 votes needed to make it a unanimous decision. The lone holdout, who remains anonymous, didn’t want to discuss their vote, but did respond to Twins Daily’s request for opinions on other universally beloved, respected, and acclaimed people, places, and things. We reprint those answers in full below.
- A refreshing glass of water. “Hydration was invented by the Stanley Corporation to make you buy those giant tumblers in an assortment of eye-catching hues. Do a modicum of research. Black coffee in styrofoam cup was good enough for your granddad, it's good enough for you.”
- The Grand Canyon. “A better name might be the Good Enough Canyon? It’s a hole in the ground. Congratulations, you drove the family 11 hours to visit a dry swimming pool.”
- Tom Hanks. "Hasn’t made anything worth watching since Bosom Buddies. Got the entire series on VHS, prove me wrong."
- Puppies. "Don’t care for ‘em."
- Baby kittens. "See above. Just not my jam, man."
- Pizza. "There are too many toppings nowadays. And at the end of the day, it’s just a big piece of bread with tomato sauce and cheese. It’s a warm lunchable. How's second grade going, slugger?"
- A full and restful night’s sleep. "While you’re sleeping, I’m creating content and forming some of the worst opinions you’ll ever read in your life. Enjoy naptime, kiddo."
- Beyonce. "Mostly I just wait for the Kidz Bop kids to improve on her frankly mid body of work. Those tots really brought out the pathos and yearning in Single Ladies."
- America’s National Parks. "No A/C, no B-Dubs, no way you’re getting me to go there. Get someone else to prevent forest fires, boss. Not my problem."
- The vastness of the ocean as you stand on the shore, awestruck by the expanse and beauty of the world and your tiny place in it, yet still hopeful that one person can make a difference. “I mean, it’s water. I can get water out of a tap.”
- Baseball’s Opening Day. “It means another six months ‘til I get to take a vacation. Why would anyone feel good about that? Also it’s usually too cold unless you’re in the Sun Belt, and it’s already too hot there. Need more domes.”
- Catching a home run ball and giving it to a wide-eyed child, a memory they will have forever. “Another extension of participation trophy culture. No thanks, chief. Maybe they should have positioned themselves to make a play on the ball. Now they’ll probably become a drug fiend.”
Image license here.







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