Why is it that all of our bigger Twins bits this offseason, have come from NEW YORK?!?
This is basically my only tin-foil hat topic, but OK, here it goes:
The Pohlad family rolls over their real estate losses on to the Twins to play funny tax games -- The Pohlads decide to sell the team for liquidity to pay off unrelated debts -- No one bites due to the funny tax games debt -- The Twins decide they'll get some liquidity for selling PART of the Twins -- A hedge fund licks it's lips, winks and says, "Oh yeah, we love businesses with losses; after our sister accounts short them" double wink and a lip pucker -- The Pohlads whisper to each other, "Is this legal, I feel dirty" -- A Pohlad advisor says, "Yeah, this looks real bad, you can't do this in public" -- A second well-liked and very attractive local investor knocks on the door and in a sultry voice, asks if they could buy a slice of the team -- The Pohlad advisor says, "OK, maybe you can do this in public, but no guarantees. And you guys have to keep your mouths shut and pretend you don't exist for four months."
Meanwhile in a secret lair lined with the skulls of lost arbitration victims:
Joe Pohlad presents the new investors to the rest of the league -- Crickets -- Joe explains that with these investors, it will help the other billionaire owners, as it will make the Twins a more solvent team -- John W Henry asks Joe, "Do you know what the word solvent means?" -- Crickets -- Steve Cohen asks, "OK, can you at least tell us how this new ownership will lesson your burden on us in terms of revenue sharing?" -- Joe says, "Well your revenue sharing money will now be paying off less debt from our other businesses, like we've been having you do since COVID but forgot to tell you about. -- Crickets -- "And then we won't have to sell our team below market, which would lower the bar for all the rest of you -- Rob Manfred finally steps in and with a terrible James Cagney accent says, "We can't let these mooks shave dimes off of your teams' values, we'll approve these wise-guys" He then turns to Joe, "But you ain't passing off another IOU onto the rest of the owners and we're done with youse trying to rig the game, you're at least going back to top 20 in payola." -- After the Pohlads confer, Jim Pohlad tells the rest, "Our fans are already expecting a 60M payroll, plus all the East Coast reporters have already started reporting about our player sell off" -- Rob Manfred looks down at his boots and says, "Ken, stop shining, I have a story for you to write"
I mean, is there any doubt this is exactly what happened?!?!