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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    Ah, Grasshopper! Even the smallest pebble shines bright in a sea of mud.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    It's hard to talk long-term when the Twins are busy choking in the short term. If you want to advance the runners, if we're lucky enough to have any runners, you can't do it by striking out.
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Whoops. My bad! I usually get it right.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    "Willians Astudillo has been an uninspiring replacement." Nick Nelson Huh? .289 average, 2 strikeouts? Garver and Sano added together have only .271 average and 44 strikeouts so the Turtle is better than both players combined. And then we have Cave at .155 average and 25 strikeouts. Time to back off criticizing El Tortuga and be thankful he's in the lineup. Respect the Turtle!
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    "They managed to hit nine balls — two less than the Pirates — that qualified as being hard hit by Baseball Savant, though only two — Cave’s doubles — were converted into hits. They also hit six balls that had an xBA of at least .500, including Astudillo’s single and one of Cave’s doubles; Kirilloff's fly out in the second inning had an xBA of .700 and Polanco's line out in the fourth an xBA of .870." How many runs did that put up on the scoreboard?
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    Rumor I heard was Colome and Sano were kidnapped by irate California Twins fans and were shipped to Tokyo via a slow boat to China. The kidnappers apparently informed the Front Office of the snatch but Falvey's secretary burned the note. Rocco apparently hasn't yet missed either player because he thinks he gave them a week off.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    "Bottom of the 6th, 10 - 7: Again, barring a bad matchup, why not ask The Driver to hold that lead when there are still 12 outs needed? If he allows runners on base, the high-leverage arms will be there; if he doesn't, those arms will only be needed for 9 outs (same applied to Duffey)" VivaBombaRivera The Driver - I like that! And your argument makes a lot of sense.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm not calling for anyone's head, but I am calling for everyone to start using their heads.
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    And Minnesota temperatures will stop running 20 degrees below normal and pigs will fly, which given the millions of pigs on factory farms will jam up the air traffic control towers, regular flights will have to be diverted to Flint, Michigan where the stranded air passengers will say, "Damn! This water tastes good!" and the raccoons that have been raiding my sweet corn patch will pass a background check, buy rifles and start shooting at me. Then Sano will get hot.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    You know things are going to hell fast when nap-inducing golf is chosen over baseball. But right now I'd rather watch a game of marbles than the Twins. Knuckles down!
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    I live in the country, mostly wooded 12 acres with a creek running through it. That means a lot of wildlife and that means raccoons dropping by. They bust up my wife's bird feeders, steal the occasional chicken, throw open my grill so they can lick up the grease (thanks for that by the way), dig up the potted plants on my deck, raid the vegetable garden, etc. etc. Basically a major pain in the patootie. Anyway, I once made the mistake of asking two of my brothers-in-law, both avid hunters and one a retired infantryman who got into shooting scrapes in both Somalia and Afghanistan, what was the best Raccoon Eradicator I could buy. For the next half hour I was deluged with footpounds, muzzle velocities, trajectories, grains of powder, etc. etc. They both felt pretty pleased with themselves by the time they finished though my brain had gone dormant about one minute into the conversation. So I went home and continued to eradicate raccoons with my trusty .22 Ruger. Aim, squeeze the trigger and dispose of the bodies. That's all I need to know. And I don't think the coons care how many footpounds hit them. My point is, let the statistics guys, like my two gun nut brothers-in-law, do their thing because that's what makes them happy and guys like me and you can just gloss over all those arcane stats and just talk regular baseball stuff because that's all we need to know to hit our target.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    Bieber goes nine, Twins starters can't go 5, bullpen can't hold a lead, hitters can't hit (half the position players are struggling to get to .200) Donaldson and Simmons are the only two infielders who can field (and Simmons is out with Covid) and Rocco makes baffling moves. But I'm positive! Call me Pollyanna.
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    You must live in a different Wisconsin than I know. I spent 14 years of my adult life in the Badger state, most of it coaching basketball from junior high to junior college and ran into enough negativity to discharge a Tesla battery. Let's be honest; when a team wins, fans are positive, when a team stinks, fans are negative. Human nature.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    Looks like we'll only have three hitters batting below the Mendoza Line in the lineup today instead of four like we had yesterday; Sano, Cave, Garver. Sano batting a whopping .091. Gonna have to come up with the Sano Line to define his futility. 16 strikeouts in 33 ABs. My grandmother hits better than that and she's been dead for 20 years.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Yeah, Simmons is great with a glove but I don't know if I can buy the superlative "unlike anything Twins fans have ever seen". I seem to recall Greg Gagne was a pretty good defensive shortstop for the Twins and he played on both the World Series teams. Is there a defensive stat somewhere that we could use to compare the two shortstops?
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    The Twins we saw yesterday won't have to worry about losing to the Yankees in the playoffs.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    Dream a little Dream - Momas and Papas But why not go big? It's springtime!
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    There's no Garlick in my root beer. 1919 Root Beer out of Schell's Brewery in New Ulm is to die for. Throw in a couple scoops of Schwan's Vanilla and you're on your way to heaven. I suggest the Kraut brewers in New Ulm send a growler to Buxton and one to Kepler as well. Probably raise their batting averages by ten points.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    I remember me and a friend driving over to the Met from Eau Claire, Wisconsin one Sunday afternoon in the '70's. Spur of the moment. Got double-header tickets down the first base line at the walk-up window for less than $10. Headed to the concession stand for a couple of $1 beers and bumped into my Dad and his buddy Gib the Mangler who'd driven up from my home town in southwestern Minnesota. Also spur of the moment. Just about had the place to ourselves. No lines at the concessions, no lines at the bathroom. The Twins dropped two. None of us were surprised and we really didn't care. Great day at the ball park.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Respect the Turtle!
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    All Minnesota's professional sports teams typically choke against lesser teams. The Vikings excel at choking while the Twins are merely good at it. It's either something in the water or it's Minnesota Nice; we just don't like beating up on inferior teams, goes against our Grain Belt. The obvious solution is to only play well against better teams, especially the New York baseball club whose name shall not be spoken.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    Alexander the Great? Killer Kirilloff? Bat Man? Karpe Diem? Stop me at any time...
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    Daring. But I can see the logic in your proposal. Falvey would by laying his neck on the chopping block for sure. If Castillo pans out Falvey's a hero. If Castillo gets injured and Kirilloff tears up the league for the Reds Falvey will be backing up the UHaul past a mob of Twins fans armed with tar and feathers.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    Call me contrarian but if I was running this team I'd definitely keep Kirilloff in the minors until May to "buy" that extra year of control and use the time to get a good look at Rooker in left and at the plate. If Rooker stumbles then no problem having someplace to play Kirrilloff when he comes up. If Rooker shines and Kirilloff struggles at AAA no pressure to rush the kid up to the majors. If they both shine the Twins will be in a strong trade position. If you do it the other way around and bring Kirilloff up right away and he struggles you lose the extra year of control, Rooker doesn't get much playing time to prove he's the real deal and you got nothing for trade bait.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    I always hoped the Twins would've signed Les Fish, or Gil Hook. You know, given our 10,000 lakes.
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