Dave The Dastardly

I couldn't watch/listen to the game last night. Literally, got dragged away in the early innings by the Little Woman. She's strong for her size. Anyway, had I known I was going to miss a pitching duel I would've resisted. How long before the Vikings first game?

I've seen both aliens and humans at Twins games. And that's even getting into fartsy... That's the real reason why we got rid of the dome, right?

"Offensively they are being led by someone called Scooter and it is never good when a guy called Scooter is leading the way." Yeah, but guys named Scooter can always get a presidential pardon. Makes me wonder if a guy named Paul can get one of those, too.

Castro, Morrison and Grossman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but three strikes and you guys are outta here." Castro says, "Is that one apiece?" Morrison says, "I'll take three." Grossman says, "That takes balls." The bartender says, "That's it! You guys are out!" Morrison turns to his two companions, "Where have I heard that before?"

Couldn't agree more. Kinley is dead weight. Use the roster spot for somebody that might actually be able to get an out. Lots of choices in AAA.

Holy balls, Bat Man!

I call it being inciteful. That makes me an inciter. I was an exciter in my younger days. The difference is I used to make trouble whereas now I just cause trouble. So go ahead, ride one of them horses! We've got a few hours before game time.

I knew a shameless plug once. It was back during my horse-training days, a half dozen lifetimes ago. This young twenty-something chick came to my stable with this gray mare for breeding. The mare, not the young chick. And the “breeder” was my quarter-horse stallion, not me. Anyway, given the TD game thread clientele I thought I’d better clear that stuff up right away. Back to the story. In order to prevent injuries to my stallion, some mares don’t take kindly to getting bred, I used a breeding harness on mares. Nothing scientific or cruel, just a series of leather straps with pulleys and ropes that prevent mares from kicking when a stud horse is in flagrante delicto and various key elements of the breeding process are greatly exposed. Again back to the story. Anyway the young chick watched the entire process and went away mad as hell. She called me several weeks later and told me she would never come for breeding again; talking about the mare again, not the young chick. Being a charming sort, I managed to settle her down and wrest her objection from her. She replied, “My mare never had a chance!” Fifty years later I sometimes still lay awake nights wondering what it was she thought that shameless old plug of hers needed a chance to do. Interesting side note: the average riding horse generates 47 pounds of manure per day. Not sure how much the above average horse generates. Anyway, I haven’t shoveled any manure for the last forty years or so. At least not until I discovered TD Game Threads. Talk about heavy lifting...

Ubi est villa, agricola? Took me two years of Latin to learn that phrase. Fifty years to remember it. Wo wirst du heute Abend sein? Pick up line my dad, a WW II combat veteran, learned in occupied Germany. He passed it along to me and my brothers in case we ever ran into a pretty fraulein. It's always good to be prepared. Base-a-balla. Italian for our favorite sport. I guess I'm multi-lingual. I can even speak Minnesotan. Uffda!

I dated Dolly Lama back in the 60's. She wasn't much to look at but she was pretty laid back.

Got no problems with the White Sox. Used to wear them all the time in high school. The Yankees now, that's a whole 'nother story. The arm on my Detest-o-Meter goes right through the Bete Noire reading when anyone within 40 feet even mentions the Yankees under their breath. I especially despised and detested the media's fascination with Derek Jeter. No matter if the Damn Yankees were winning or losing any time somebody in the stadium farted six cameras would scope out Jeter so we could witness his reaction. JFC!

AC 78 in summer, furnace 73 in winter, 68 at night. But we also have a woodstove (I own some woods) and we usually fire it up for Viking games and evening TV watching. 80 degrees lends itself well to wine drinking on cold winter days. Probably be cheaper to skip the wine and put a few more degrees on the thermostat, but it wouldn't be as much fun.

I snagged a hot liner once in 35 degree temps. Didn't know I broke my hand until the game was over. So I guess it only hurts when you cry.

I was a genius once. Had to give it up when I got married.

I see Lynn is coming in with an 11.25 ERA, Verlander at 2.31. I know, it's early in the season, but considering the weather I'm wondering if there will be an iceberg on the mound for the Twins tonight. That would make the game more of a Titanic crash than a clash of Titans. Cue Dandy Don Meredith...

I've never seen a hirsute bald eagle before. It's amazing what TD has done for my education. Game threads should be required reading for all high school seniors.

You mean a big blooper? That would give him time to circle the bases.

My Highbrow T-Shirt says "My Fecal Matter Renders No Olfactory Sensation" My wife thinks it stinks. I told her to wash it. The T-shirt.

Oh my God! Three posts in a row? Is that like a strikeout? It's hell playing catch-up on GT. Or should that be GOT?

Blue Duck had a treatment. Yours sounds similar.

You mean if Phil Hughes starts it will be a Miracle?

Are they having you jump through the hoops?

Only to protect the innocent.

The wife and I are already planning a trip to see the Kernels this summer. Three hour drive away so we'll stay overnight and catch a couple of games before heading back. Gonna be fun!!!!

Okay, what's with the nose guard?