Dave The Dastardly

To be honest, I don't drink Miller Lite. Just had to borrow that line from the old commercials. I was desperate. But not desperate enough to actually drink the stuff. Hewn from German and Irish stock I prefer Grain Belt Premium or Schell's Light for the days when I'm feeling Germanic and Jameson whiskey when I need a wee nip to ward off the chill of a fine soft day. By the way I have a friend named Miller. He's not lite. He's not my brother either.

I have a few chickens myself. Real ones. They run on pasture, don't get any hormones or antibiotics in their diet and are like Miller Lite; taste great! Also have about 6 acres of woods. I was working on a fallen tree trunk the other day with an adze. Damn pullet kept getting in my way. Stuck its head in where it didn't belong and I had to pullet out of my adze. Sort of like this comment...

Way back when my older kids (both girls) weren't even in kindergarten yet we had a tomcat that was one hunting SOB. We called him Killer Joe Puma. We lived on five acres on a wooded cul-de-sac and by the time Killer Joe was three years old there wasn't a squirrel, bird or chipmunk left alive on the place. The neighbors directly across the road from us had a German shepherd that liked to come across the road and bark and growl at us whenever I pulled into our driveway. Wasn't dangerous, just annoying. One sunny fall day me and the kids watched Killer Joe sunning himself on a stump in the front yard. The German shepherd didn't like that infringement on what he thought was his territory so he came trotting across the road barking and growling at Killer Joe. Who totally ignored him. So the dog came closer. Killer Joe decided it was a good time to clean his paws; probably bloody from a recent kill. The shepherd got really pissed, I guess he didn't like being ignored, and came charging into the yard, stopping a half dozen feet from Killer Joe, who was still busy catching some rays and cleaning his paws as if totally oblivious to the dog. The shepherd closed with two feet of Joe, still growling and barking like an attack dog. Killer Joe came flying off the stump, landed on the shepherd's face, sunk his teeth into one ear and the last we saw of the shepherd he was streaking for home, howling in pain, Killer Joe wrapped around his head. The German shepherd never crossed the road again. And Killer Joe Puma went back to patrolling his private hunting rounds without any further interruptions. Toughest damn cat we ever had.

I wonder what food truck Colon frequents. Or does he just eat the truck?

Anybody notice how game thread comments have decreased since the Garcia and Kintzler trades? Makes me wonder if ticket sales are down also. And if the recent rally is bringing back the prodigal fans. And that brings up another thought; do general managers consider the impact of trades on attendance? Is there like a formula for that?

Anybody know what the elderly Colon is drinking? Find out so I can buy a case.

Not so much in Minnesota though. That's why the Vikings left that rock behind in Kensington; they tangled with the local skraelings and took off for home. Didn't have the stone(s).

Other than Big Bang and excluding the Twins and the Vikes what's there to watch? Though Viking pre-season games are about as exciting as a Norwegian wake.

Let me push you over the edge.

I should've known better to ask that question on this site. If you look up "delusional" in the dictionary it says "another term for a MN Twins fan".

I had the same impression. Thought I read somewhere he'd played 1B a fair amount of time in the minors. Are we both delusional?

I learn a lot reading these game threads. And sometimes it has to do with baseball. To entertain while educating is one of the most successful methods of instruction. The best classroom teacher I ever knew summed it up for me this way; "Never let the little b@stards know they're being taught anything." TD excels in that regard.

I can't resist commenting on this because I've batted from both sides of the plate. I was the first of my family to go to college, despite my father's attempts to convince me I'd be better off getting a "steady job". I worked my way through college and never asked for a dime from my dad. He still had five kids at home to feed. So I skipped classes to paint houses and tended bar nights so I could afford to pay tuition. I always carried an overload and graduated in three years because I couldn't afford a 4th year. I made $7,200 my last year in college and took my first job (teacher and coach) for $6,900. A $300 cut in pay to use my college education and I started to realize my old man was maybe smarter than I thought. The key thing I learned though was that I couldn't do just one thing. I needed to use my hands as well as my mind or I grew bored and frustrated. So over the intervening years I've been a real estate broker, newspaper publisher, columnist, horse trainer, sheep farmer, electrician, framing carpenter, another stint at tending bar, another stint as a painting contractor, hobby magazine publisher, teacher/coach, high school principal and school superintendent. And I picked up two more college degrees in the process. So I know a lot of sh*t. Some of it useful. But one of the most important lessons I've learned over the years is we aren't locked in to doing just one thing. We're not easily categorized by our careers because we're all capable of doing other things. So never judge a book by its cover. Oh, and change is good.

Or what left field seat Kirby Pucket hit with that line drive homer on a Tuesday back in 1990 when the wind was out of the east and Tom Kelly had just opened his second bag of seeds.

I knew there was a good reason why Mississippi is such a backwards state. No fault of their own.

"I throw baseballs on thursday." Trevor May Whoop de do! I throw people off my trail every day of the week. I also throw a fit whenever the Twins bullpen blows a game. Oh, wait a minute... That Trevor May! Atta boy, Trevor! Chuck 'em in there Big Fella!

"3. The A’s – Can you remember a trade deadline that didn’t involve the A’s somehow? All the players whose number has been retired by the A’s have been traded by the A’s. It’s an endless cycle. The A’s have been stuck in an infinite loop… they have fur and then trade that fur for animals who produce fur." Great analogy Brian. And something we should all keep in mind. "5. Oysters – I like Oysters but when you look at them… you can’t help wonder… How hungry was the very first person to find an oyster and say… Screw it… I’m eating this." I've always wondered who invented pickles. Did she see this green tube-like thing growing in the woods and think I bet if I jam a bunch of these tuberosities into a pickle jar, shove some of this other weed in there, too, pour in some vinegar and boil the pi$$ out of it the old man will have something to go with his beer while he watches cavemen in suits draw out football plays on the cave walls? Did cavemen have pickle jars?

If you're going to do Joe Morgan you have to have him repeat himself at least six times in order to "make" his point. That's about how many times I wished I had a pistol at hand when he was announcing. Though I never figured out if I was going to shoot the TV or myself. Mute buttons have saved a lot of lives.

We spent a week at Ice Cracking Lodge by Detroit Lakes when I was a kid. Clearest, cleanest lake water I'd seen up until then. My brother and I could sit in the boat and watch the big fish swim right by our hooks. All except for a huge northern that just hung in the water staring at our bait (nightcrawlers) until we got tired of waiting for him and decided to jump in and catch him by hand. Like most big opportunities in life, he easily eluded us. That was also our first lesson regarding the difficulty of climbing back into a rowboat in 20' of water. Funny how when it's sink or swim time a person tends to grab onto the first life jacket he can find. Even if its in the back end of the boat. Something about the supposed signing of Jaime Garcia made me think of that.

Interesting article. Personally I don't think there's any positive correlation between age and performance. If there was we should all be excited about acquiring Colon. When a player demonstrates he can handle the level of competition where he's at, he should be moved up. Notice I said "handle", not dominate. Nobody learns anything new by dominating competitors of lesser ability because there's no incentive to do so. People who aren't challenged stagnate.

Sounds to me like they're getting a little anal.

I will be the model of restraint regarding puns for this one, but its driving me nuts.

When I was younger I was judged mental. Now that I am older I've become judgmental. Personally, I can't tell the difference. You be the judge.

Actually the bases were further apart back in those days. But then the owners decided baseball games were too long and the old fans were spending too much time standing in the bathroom line and not in the $8 hot dog line so they moved the bases closer together to shorten up the game and spice up the hot dog sales. And in a clear case of unintended consequences, professional baserunners suddenly became faster. The owners also began offering free sauerkraut for the increased sales of hot dogs which resulted in more gas being passed by the old farts, thus convincing fans of all ages to push for open air outdoor stadiums to replace domed stadiums. Which of course the owners didn't have to pay for. I know this to be true because many a Twins fan said baseball in the old Metrodome stunk.

Three or four lifetimes ago I coached a team against the Blossoms. Had a helluva time trying to fire up my guys to take on the Blossoms. Bunch of pansies.