Dave The Dastardly

What the Twins need at this point in time is a young (relatively speaking) manager, who relates well to young players, but isn't afraid to get in their face when they keep making the same mistakes over and over and who has a track record (credibility) as both a manager and as a professional ball player. Some guy who can light fires when they need lighting and douse flames when they don't. A big plus? Well known in Minnesota. I see three options; Dougie, D Hocking and Jesus Christ. The big question; who will come down from the Mount? Uh, I mean mound.

That could be a telling statement regarding the Twins pen in general. Regardless, I thought Belisle was signed for his "leadership". I've been looking for that stat up on the scoreboard but can't seem to find it. Maybe it's in the box scores?

Everybody keep your bags packed. Oh, and don't take any Twins equipment with you. We're cutting the budget next year.

I had two loogies once, but one good sneeze took care of both of 'em.

"Sano had a large hole in his swing, namely on the inner-third of the plate." Is it a donut-hole? 15 pounds for a 300 lb man. That's what? 5% of his body weight? Could've knocked that much off just by cutting back on beer. Not impressed. My wife can knock off 5% of her weight in a week's time just by eating salads. And she goes around 118 pounds soaking wet with a... swimsuit on.

Never could understand the excitement over accumulating prospects. I always thought the number of major league wins was more important than the number of "prospects" we can garner in a trade. Of course if the Twins horizon is out in some galaxy far, far away...

I think they'll bring him up for leadership.

This Twins Fan Ain't Satisfied. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrIPxlFzDi0 Flavey and Levine. The pair in the Front Office. Although they both can’t be in there because there’s usually only one front office otherwise it wouldn’t be in front of the other offices. But let’s just say there’s two front offices and no back office. Which of course will make it hard to make a deal because the best deals are always made secretively; in the Back Office. Maybe they got a hallway they can use for cutting a deal. Hell, use the executive bath room if you have to, just make a deal. And not just a deal, a deal-deal. It’s time to stop being cute, time to stop trying to prove you can find a gem in other teams’ junk just because you read a book on analytics. In short, it’s time for the pair of you to grow a pair; swing for the damn fences! Do or Die! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcXpKiY2MXE Bite the bullet. Give Molitor and the hitting coach a train ticket to Clarksville. Molly’s got a MOY Award and a nice three year contract to help him ease into retirement. He’ll probably thank you for it. Now get a manager with fire in his eyes and a proven track record for getting the most out of young players. Pick up the phone and call the Tigers. Throw yourselves at their feet. Everybody knows you’re desperate anyway. Just look at the standings. Look at the batting averages if you have the stomach for it. So put all pretenses aside. Tell the Tigers Front Office up front, preferably while they’re in their Back Office waiting to make a deal, that you want Dougie back. Tell them they can have anybody off the major league club but Berrios, Romero, Rosario, Escobar, Pressley and Hildenberger in trade. Make that two anybodies. Tell them they can have three current Twins if they throw Brian Harper in on the deal to be the new Twins hitting coach. Hell, tell the Tigers they can have six Twins off the major league club if they take Goodman, Wilson and LoMo off your hands. Maybe even throw in Sano if you have to. If they can find him down there in Single A. Just make the deal. Then once you get ink on paper, steal your wives’ lipstick and start kissing Dougie’s... whatever. Throw yourselves at his feet, confess your idiocy. Admit you were getting all uppity, trying to prove your high-and-mighty analytic smartness when you dismissed Dougie, forgetting that the best “analytic” for a manager is how many games he wins, not how he wins them. Offer him a three-year contract equal to whatever the highest paid manager in the Bigs is getting. Throw in a few incentives; use of the Pohlad’s private jet so he can fly home on off-days to see his family, tell him he can select whatever minor league players he wants for the Twins roster no questions asked, no moaning about starting the clock, or losing options or any of that happy equine fecal matter that makes front office type sound smart but keeps talent down on the farm until they’re old enough to retire. And promise, carve it in a big frigging stone on Twins Plaza, you will not in any way shape or form claim major league cast-offs off the waiver wire, or screw around with Rule Five sucker bait or in anyway add any players to the 40-man or 25-man roster without Dougie’s prior approval. Then stay out of Dougie’s way and let him build us a winning team. You can get in the team photo when he wins the Division. And when the Twins are in the World Series and the TV cameras are on the owner/front office box, you can nod wisely and knowingly when the announcers pronounce you geniuses. So swallow your pride and make the deal. What have you got to lose? Your last ten fans?

Clever headline and nice analysis.

Just an observation; Dougie has the Toledo Mud Hens in first place in the AAA International League. Too bad he wasn't good enough for AA ball with the Twins. We just might have had an in-house replacement for Molly.

I always enjoyed watching Denny Hocking play. The guy never did anything half-a$$ed. You always got a 100% effort even if it was only chewing tobacco.

Maybe we can make him into a pitcher. He can cover short and 2nd base from the mound and he won't have to bat. Seems logical after three Grain Belts and a grilled steak.

There's the Twins world and then there's the real world.

Yeah, but the worse part is they're pitching blindfolded.

Former Twin Rule 5 Kinley pitching?

Punto! How did you get in here with that camera?

I find it telling that not only did I attend Mankato State, but I also coached against basketball teams in every Wisconsin city listed on the Heavy Drinkers List. Perhaps I should market my alcohol consumption inducing skills to every tavern in the upper Midwest... might be worth a shot.

"What are you looking forward to seeing on Sunday afternoon?" I'd be looking forward to watching the game. Alas, MLB in its wisdom has informed me that since Fox Sports North is considered a "local" station, and since I live an hour south of the Twins' stadium the game in California is not available to me on MLBTV as its considered a "local" game for me. Baffles me how MLB intends on building its fan base by not carrying games on network TV where current non-fans might be exposed to the game. What's that old saying about cutting your nose off to spite your face?

Excellent explanation! It's been decades since my Human Anatomy, Kinesiology and Sports Injuries classes and right now I'm wishing you had been one of my instructors.

Your last paragraph is exactly my point, but without my sarcasm. Nice sarcastic dig about the Gehrig/Pipp comparison though.

"To make room for Buxton on the roster, Ryan LaMarre was optioned to Triple-A Rochester. In his 20 games with the club, LaMarre hit .324." Not many teams have the luxury of sending a .324 hitter down to the minors. Twins must be stacked with decent fielders with hot bats.

There goes the Dastardly. Hello TV re-runs. What do TV re-runs and the Twins have in common? Answer: We've seen this crap before.

There goes Garver's Gold Glove.

There goes Robbie's Gold Glove.