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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    Depends on who's playing that day, who the opposing pitcher is, which Twin is hot, or cold, with the bat, what Rocco had for breakfast, the price of stadium hot dogs, etc. If there's one thing we've learned about Rocco it's that he's flexible with his line-ups. Count on seeing all these guys getting a few swings at lead-off. Including La Tortuga.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    Many moons ago I had a brief career as an insurance salesman. The legal eagles briefed me on how many lies I could tell potential customers without going to jail, my boss briefed me continuously on how many sales I wasn't making and my first marriage turned out to be a brief affair. I guess you could say I was a brief case.
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Kepler is the least of my worries. We've got the Strikeout King on 1st, the Calf Man on 3rd, Bad Wheel Polanco at 2nd and Garver The Enigmatic behind the plate. A healthy, consistent, above average fielder in right, who can also fill in at center for the injury prone What-Can-I-Break-Next Buxton helps me sleep at night. That and a shot of Jameson.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    Sorry, but in no way am I praising Uber. I'm praising the idea that it's still possible for the little guy to advance from a low-end, low-paying job and make it to the top of whatever career he's pursuing if he keeps plugging away at it. I shoveled a lot of chicken manure for a large corporation while in high school so I could go to college. No way am I praising manure shoveling as the American Dream. But the idea that a chicken manure-shoveler can become a college grad... the first in his family to do so, that's the American Dream. A man's gotta do what you gotta do, hopefully only temporarily, if you wanna do what you wanna do. That's the message behind the Dobnak story. PS. My MLB ad wouldn't mention either ride-sharing company. The ad would be about promoting baseball, not rip-off ride-sharing.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    Disagree. The Uber Driver is the epitome of the American Dream; a little guy works his fanny off, takes advantage of whatever opportunity he can get and makes it to the Bigs. It's the modern version of the Natural. Inspirational for the millions of "little guys" out there and the sort of story that draws fans to baseball. Given the poor job MLB has done attracting new fans over the last dozen years they should pump this story for all its worth. Hell, I'd create a TV ad for it; Do a windshield shot of Dobnak behind the wheel, picking up some young couple, schmoozing with them on the drive to the stadium; he drops the couple off at the ticket window, drives around to the player's entrance and climbs out of the car in his spikes and Twins uniform, picks up his glove, tugs on his baseball cap and winks at the camera and says "Baseball. America's game."
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    I know this guy!
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    Can you send me some of whatever you're smoking? Better yet, just send a brownie or two. My lungs are shot. The Old Ones did that to me.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    Sounds like your stein is half empty, but I hear you. However being a Twins fans requires we always remember that hope springs eternal. Or as true Minnesotans like to say; we eternally hope for spring. Me? I'm going to top off my stein, kick back and let the bloop hits fall where they may.
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    No. 7 but this summary is mostly about Cavaco's negatives? I know nothing about this kid but if there's little to justify his ranking over a dozen other prospects what's he doing at No 7?
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    Interesting article! I wonder what a deadened ball will do to fielding? Former hot grounders now slow rollers not getting out of the infield? Outfielders taking away more line drive hits? Bloopers not blooping deep enough? Formerly average fielders now looking like gold glove candidates? Cruz suddenly getting time in the outfield?
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    When you go shopping for a new winter coat and the pretty sales lady shows you a goose down parka, then a trendy insulate jacket, swing at the first pitch and buy the goose down parka. Then ask the pretty sales lady if she'd like to go sledding with you... maybe hit the sauna afterwords. What the hell, as long as you're swinging you might as well go for a homerun.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    Nice pun!!
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    Too bad the "experts" who award Gold Glove titles haven't paid more attention to actual glove work and less to batting average and press popularity when handing out Gloves. I think there'd be a few more retired Twins with well-deserved Gold Gloves sitting on their mantels.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    You overlooked the bid from Joe Bob's Conspiracy Channel. They planned to carry all Twins games on You Tube with each game exposing the latest conspiracy theory to keep the Twins from winning the game. They'd already line up a couple dozen anonymous internet sources to provide the inside scoop for the Game Conspiracy of the Day. The plan was to expose the latest conspiracy during the 7th inning stretch, put it up on the bigboard, though the revealer would be one of those talking shadows, his voice disguised by a digitizer, his face covered by a catcher's mask... you know, to lend credibility to the thing. The bid fell through when MLB discovered Joe Bob was actually two guys; Vladimir and Chiang and their real goal was to convince Americans the real US national pastime was soccer. They actually had a line of designer shorts they were hoping to push; Red Neck Shorts the called them. They featured a snoose pocket on the expandable waistband for tucking in chewing tobacco and two deeper, insulated pockets, one on each thigh, for holding a couple cans of beer. I'm glad MLB put the kibosh on this bid, otherwise us baseball fans would take it in the shorts.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    I hope the front office doesn't get this Wong.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    Did you mean to say "hand and foot in mouth disease"? I mean it's become pretty common these days. Wouldn't be surprised if its spilled over from politics into baseball what with all the whacko conspiracy theories floating around out there. Wait a minute! Was Happ's signing the result of a White Sox conspiracy? You know, get us to sign a player who the Sox are secretly paying to throw games (little play on words there). Hold on, I'll check the internet... There's some anonymous guys out there who know everything.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    Not a grand strategy. Mere happenstance.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    I gotta ask, can you still scalp 2021 Cleveland tickets?
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    I know of which unnamed team you speaketh. May a thousand curses be laid upon them. Despise not a team for the hue of their hosiery, but instead for their hubris.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Interesting that this sidebar stuck in my mind. I guess that makes me a nit-picker. If I remember Sister Lydia correctly (about 60 years back) if the writer is using quotation marks to emphasize a particular word at the end of the sentence, the period belongs outside the quotation marks. If the quotation marks are being used delineate a quote by someone, the period belongs inside the last quotation mark. Disregarding a wandering mind, what I took away from this discussion is that the main cause of modern baseball's problems is that human failing often referred to as "greed". You can quote me on that.
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    I've been following the Twins since they showed up in the state and in my opinion Dick and Bert in their prime were "must-listen" broadcasts. I've muted many other national broadcasters over the years but never Dick and Bert. Bert's schtick eventually got old but Dick's always been on his game.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    From where I live Minneapolis is an hour away. St. Paul about four decades.
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    Easy there, Big Fella. This old-timer likes to be reminded about math stuff he's forgotten.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    I played short. Caught a hot grounder with my adams apple once, couldn't talk for a week. Thought I was muy hombre. Then I saw Nicky catch a hot grounder with his teeth then slide head first into second for the double play. Threw my glove away after that. Figured this pansy better take up chess.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    The Fargo Woodchippers... has a certain cache. Put it on a baseball bat and the fans will snap 'em up for souvenirs. You betcha! I went through Fargo once (Go West Young Man!). Everything went south after that.
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