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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    You overlooked the bid from Joe Bob's Conspiracy Channel. They planned to carry all Twins games on You Tube with each game exposing the latest conspiracy theory to keep the Twins from winning the game. They'd already line up a couple dozen anonymous internet sources to provide the inside scoop for the Game Conspiracy of the Day. The plan was to expose the latest conspiracy during the 7th inning stretch, put it up on the bigboard, though the revealer would be one of those talking shadows, his voice disguised by a digitizer, his face covered by a catcher's mask... you know, to lend credibility to the thing. The bid fell through when MLB discovered Joe Bob was actually two guys; Vladimir and Chiang and their real goal was to convince Americans the real US national pastime was soccer. They actually had a line of designer shorts they were hoping to push; Red Neck Shorts the called them. They featured a snoose pocket on the expandable waistband for tucking in chewing tobacco and two deeper, insulated pockets, one on each thigh, for holding a couple cans of beer. I'm glad MLB put the kibosh on this bid, otherwise us baseball fans would take it in the shorts.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    I hope the front office doesn't get this Wong.
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Did you mean to say "hand and foot in mouth disease"? I mean it's become pretty common these days. Wouldn't be surprised if its spilled over from politics into baseball what with all the whacko conspiracy theories floating around out there. Wait a minute! Was Happ's signing the result of a White Sox conspiracy? You know, get us to sign a player who the Sox are secretly paying to throw games (little play on words there). Hold on, I'll check the internet... There's some anonymous guys out there who know everything.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    Not a grand strategy. Mere happenstance.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    I gotta ask, can you still scalp 2021 Cleveland tickets?
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    I know of which unnamed team you speaketh. May a thousand curses be laid upon them. Despise not a team for the hue of their hosiery, but instead for their hubris.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    Interesting that this sidebar stuck in my mind. I guess that makes me a nit-picker. If I remember Sister Lydia correctly (about 60 years back) if the writer is using quotation marks to emphasize a particular word at the end of the sentence, the period belongs outside the quotation marks. If the quotation marks are being used delineate a quote by someone, the period belongs inside the last quotation mark. Disregarding a wandering mind, what I took away from this discussion is that the main cause of modern baseball's problems is that human failing often referred to as "greed". You can quote me on that.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    I've been following the Twins since they showed up in the state and in my opinion Dick and Bert in their prime were "must-listen" broadcasts. I've muted many other national broadcasters over the years but never Dick and Bert. Bert's schtick eventually got old but Dick's always been on his game.
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    From where I live Minneapolis is an hour away. St. Paul about four decades.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    Easy there, Big Fella. This old-timer likes to be reminded about math stuff he's forgotten.
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    I played short. Caught a hot grounder with my adams apple once, couldn't talk for a week. Thought I was muy hombre. Then I saw Nicky catch a hot grounder with his teeth then slide head first into second for the double play. Threw my glove away after that. Figured this pansy better take up chess.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    The Fargo Woodchippers... has a certain cache. Put it on a baseball bat and the fans will snap 'em up for souvenirs. You betcha! I went through Fargo once (Go West Young Man!). Everything went south after that.
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    Signed in just to post a like for this one. Just proves baseball truly is a reflection of America.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    Good thing I had the wife lock up my guns, all lengths of rope, anything that might be poisonous and all sharp objects before I read this.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Ah, the perennial TD search for an Ace... a term for which there is no mutually agreed upon definition. Personally, I'd rather draw four Deuces to an Ace. Throw in a wildcard and the pot is yours.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    I think he's from Fragile, Italy.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    I read this thinking the author was going to reveal that May was loading up the ball with slime. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or relieved. Confusing times these.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    Word on the street is that Earl has been skinned and is being made into a couple dozen pairs of baseball spikes. Teeth are being strung into a necklace for The Turtle. Seemed appropriate.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    Make the statue out of silly putty so it can bounce right back up. Give everybody a chance to blow off steam.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Maybe have the troopers slash the tires on all vehicles with Wisconsin license parked nearby instead of doing nothing? Call it stimulus for local tow trucks and tire dealers.
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    Hilarious! I coached basketball for 17 years. Got talked into refereeing once. The big difference was I went from having 50% of the fans calling me an idiot to 100% of the fans calling me the same thing and worse. Hats off to the guys and gals who have the dedication and courage to officiate any sport. There'd be no games without you.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    Wait... what? Real people actually watch a fake reality show? Please Lord, bring back baseball before we all go crazy.
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    NASCAR fans don't watch golf... they can't hear the announcers. I tried watching golf once. Thought I died. No really. One minute I was there on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, and the next minute I was gone; dead to the world. NASCAR saved me, brought me back to life when my son changed the channel. I don't know, maybe I wasn't dead. Don't remember seeing a light... but the wife says I never have seen the light, so there's that. But I suspect I'm a zombie now, what with no baseball.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    I thought about pottery... briefly. But the thought of sticking my fingers into something wet and slimy reminded me of changing diapers... not mine, my kids when they were babies. So I thought about painting instead, but that reminded me of college and the mandatory art class I couldn't escape. I hoped for a naked model to paint but got a flower vase instead. Reminded me of this year's baseball season; high expectations, among other things, that rapidly wilted. Just like my GPA. So I decided to take the high road. Stocked up on booze and snackies. Let the chips fall where they may.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    I heard the kid's been invited to speak at the next White House coronavirus update.
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