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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    It's difficult for someone who has never suffered a serious ankle injury just how debilitating they can be; mentally as well as physically. As a former high school basketball, volleyball, track and football coach back in the days when head coaches were required to know something about human anatomy, kinesiology and treating sports injuries I taped many a sprained ankle. The thing is just about every athletic move you make, running, jumping, starting, stopping, swinging a bat, stooping to field a ball, requires putting stress on the ankles. And if an ankle has been injured, it hurts every time you make a move, sometimes for weeks after "recovery". After awhile you unconsciously start putting a little more weight on your good ankle and less on the injured ankle and that disrupts your balance, your footwork and your timing and your performance dips. And that affects you mentally because you're off your game and in the back of your mind you're constantly worried you're going to tweak the same injured ankle. That's when a head coach has to become a "head" coach. The point I'm trying to make in my usual roundabout manner is that I can readily buy into the theory that Eddie's ankle injury was the cause for his performance drop-off last season but if the Twins training staff has worked on "head" coaching as well as rehabilitating the injury I think we will see a rejuvenated Eddie in 2020.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    "interstitial" - had to look that up. Proving once again that TD is an educational site.
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Taking a wild guess here... you haven't been a TD member for very long. I know for a fact that I've written dumber posts... and they were well-received. Stupid is as stupid does. Run Forrest!
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    A warp in the space-time continuum?
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    Statistically it's 63.9%. 36.1% are able to attend spring training in Florida and therefore tend to be optimistic, especially after an evening at Kelsey's Bar and Massage. The Spring Training Buzz, it's professional term, however tends to dissipate upon returning to Minnesota at a rate inversely proportional to the depth of ice dams remaining on the roof.
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    I rest my case.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm old enough to remember a time when cool headedness, gracious sportsmanship and civility were admired traits. Now trash-talking, belligerent temperaments, name-calling and boorish behavior have filtered upwards through our society. Sad.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    Twins fans, with little baseball news in the gristmill, are obviously starving for information.
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    What we need is a baseball "reality" show. Maybe have Gardy go on Undercover Boss, you know that show where the stupid folks can't figure out the guy in the cartoon disguise being followed around by a camera crew and a sound guy dangling a microphone over their heads isn't a "real" person? Maybe have a scene with Terry Ryan digging through a dumpster or visiting a retirement home, searching for the next great Twins player with Gardy making caustic comments in the foreground. In the finale they could have Nick Punto throw off the drool-smeared robe disguise, flip out of the wheelchair and snag a baseball thrown by the backup camera guy right out of the air. I might even watch that... if they can find a slot between all those Chicago shows. You know, right after Chicago Garbage.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    Better yet, during the game.
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    Ahh, Grasshopper! Would a wise man have a small pebble in his hand and lots of money in his back pocket, or a large rock in his hand and no money in his back pocket? But Master, why would a wise man carry a pebble or a rock around in his hand? Why not put the stone in his other back pocket and leave both hands free? There you go again, kid. Always taking the middle road. No way you're ever going to walk on rice paper.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    What if one of the players trips over first base and falls down and requires help getting up? Aren't they afraid of pulling a mussel? Sorry. Can't help it. I think their PR guy is gonna be hamstrung.
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    You're not supposed to eat mussels from April to September. Isn't that baseball season? These guys are gonna get shelled.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    Sounds like they're coming out of their shell.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    Wait... What? I was loading my .22 while watching a squirrel sneak up on my wife's bird feeder and didn't quite follow what you were saying...
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    A glance into my old bowling ball (middle-class substitute for a crystal ball) says the Twins package Rosario and Sano in a trade for a topline pitcher, Rooker and Raley (the R&R boys?) come up to the Bigs and platoon at 1st, odd man filling in at the out(field). The Twins take the division, sweep the hated Yankees in three and go on to win the World Series. Oh, and I win the lottery.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    This explains the fresh dog poop in my driveway every morning... my neighbor is a White Sox fan. At least I think it's dog poop...
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    Setting aside any perceived personal affronts, an interesting discussion. From my own demented viewpoint, if we're discussing Twins trade bait for a No 1 or 2 pitcher, I don't think Eddie is going to cut it. I say dangle Sano out there, higher WAR, and more replaceable given the current Twins roster. Keep Eddie.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    I heard a rumor that the robot behind the plate will be armed with a taser gun and as soon as a manager steps out of the dugout to contest a call he'll get zapped. I think it will be kind of funny watching Gardy flop around on the ground, his tongue hanging out while making odd gurgling sounds. I might even pony up for MLB-TV to see that. However given Americans love of schadenfreude I think the fans will be begging the managers to challenge the robot, just like race car fans want to see high-speed crashes, instead of cheering on the players. Maybe the robot can be programmed to randomly zap the occasional infielder just for the hell of it... or maybe just after they go into a shift.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Do the Twins currently have another almost-ready third baseman in their minor league system? My bet is Sano goes to first and Lewis goes to third. He's got the quickness, the arm and the bat to hold down the hot corner.
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    I got a pair of well-worn beer goggles I can loan out. Lenses are a little foggy, but that's the beauty of 'em!
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    Shaggy?
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    You can always appeal.
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    Where does the Portly Panamanian, aka "Senior Smoke" rank?
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    I hear ya. You don't get better beating the Franciscan nuns. I had to throw the Franciscan nuns in there because everyone is always beating up on the Little Sisters of the Poor. The Franciscans, by the way, played a mean game themselves, especially Sister Goretti. She had a habit of using a little chin music to keep you from crowding the plate. You never went to bat against her without saying a little prayer first. True confession.
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