Dave The Dastardly

God, that photo looks like a pending double-groiner pull! Lord have mercy! Makes me flinch just looking at it. Pulled one myself in my mid-forties. Doc told me it would take 6 months to recover. I protested. Told him professional athletes recover in a third of that time. Doc told me Number One; you're not a professional athlete, Number Two; you're in your forties, you're lucky you still have a groiner to pull, Number Three; you've never stuck with the physical therapy I've prescribed for your past coaching-related injuries so six months would be a gift in your case. Doc was wrong... took me 7 months to fully recover. But a double groiner-pull? Shoot me!

I've got a jar full of fake silver coins; you know, US mint quarters, dimes and nickels I'll throw in on the Correa deal since they're no longer accepted as legal tender at Fleet Farm, which is no longer "fleet" (took awhile to get checked out) and they're not much into "farm" either. But they do have a large selection of potato chips and peanuts though. "Plow Through Our Chips" is their new farm motto. Anyway, there was this sign on the checkout counter "Please use your plastic to pay for your items as we don't have any coins to make change." What's the country coming to when its own coinages of the realm are no longer legal tender? I suppose partly because you can't even get a Salted Nut Roll anymore without forking over a $2 bill so what do you do with coins? Put 'em in a sock and carry 'em around like a sap? So I'll up the ante for Correa with my coinage. Maybe Correa can drill out his bats and stuff 'em full of coins. You know, since MLB deflated their baseballs and spindly grandmothers can no longer hit moonshot homeruns. Ought to add a couple of points to his OPS. But if he ain't into jimmying his bat, there's gotta be ten bucks in my coin jar. Enough to get Correa a couple two-three bags of chips at Fleet. He can split the take with Boras. Let the chips fall where they may.

I want to know what a Run Creation Coordinator does. Does he teach the players not to overrun second when there's already a player standing there? Hmm. Fail. Or is he a like video game player? You know, overseeing the players' Madden tournament in the club house, making sure nobody tries to claim a two-point conversion when they actually kicked the PAT. Wait a minute... I got it. He leads the team prayer meetings. That's why they call him "The Creator"! Dominus Vobiscum.

Harsh, but hard to fault.

I find this whole "rebranding" thing a waste of time and money. Like Dunkin Donuts spending millions to drop Donuts from their name. Whoppee! I'm sure millions of new customers ran out and stocked up on Dunkins after the name change. WTF! Or if anyone else remembers back when 3M, after a CEO change at the top, spent tens of millions changing their well-known blue "3M" to a red "3M". New guy must have been a genius. I don't know about all you other old-timers but I quick jumped in my truck and bought a couple hundred more cases of sticky notes pads right after. Something about the color change inspired me do it... Hell, I'm still wearing my Vikings stocking cap I bought for their first trip to the Super Bowl. Getting the same result from that cap as all the other caps the Vikings have "re-branded" since... still no trophy. Deep breath... okay, I fell better. The Twins will win,.. The Twins will win... in their spiffy new uniforms Relapse! Relapse! Call the guys in white coats... uh, do they still wear white coats? Mauve? Stripes down the leg? WTF is mauve?

Yeah! That way we can be sub rosa fans until the Twins win the division, thus avoiding potential embarrassment if they again falter, but if they take the division we can drop our pants and prove we've been supporting the Twins, as well as other things, all along!

I got ten bucks that says Bechtold and Banuelos will be gone if the Twins don't put them on the 40-man. It's not like there's a plethora of catching candidates in every other team's minor leagues either. Losing the two catchers would force the club to pull all other catchers in the system up one level, which, obviously, from the article, aren't ready for that sort of promotion. So, organizationally speaking, both "B's" will make the 40 and that means one of the two will start the season in the majors, platooning with Jeffers, and the other will hold down the fort in Triple A waiting for an injury to move up to the Bigs. Only prudent for the team to do so. If the club resigns Sanchez, both the "B's" will still be put on the 40, though one might be dangled as trade bait. But even if one of them is traded from the 40 for the ubiquitous Player To Be Named Later at least the Twins will be getting something in return rather than no return if both catchers are left unprotected.

My semi-scientific opinion: too much effort on building muscle, which in turns stresses joints and connective tissue not designed to handle the extra muscle.

Shortstop Angst According to Team Rankings (https://www.teamrankings.com/mlb/stat/double-plays-per-game) the Twins ranked 23 out of 30 teams in double plays per game with an average of .73. Pre-Correa (2021) the Twins averaged .85 per game. Twins finish in the division? 3rd in 2022, 5th in 2021. Number One on the list, St. Louis at 1.11 per game. Last on the List? NY Yankees at .65. Which of the three teams made it to the play-offs? Cards and Yankees. Ponder that. Fielding https://www.baseball-reference.com/leagues/majors/2022-fielding-leaders.shtml Double Plays Turned at SS 2022 1. Mateo Baltimore 91 2. Seager Texas 91 3. Perdomo Arizona 83 4. Lindor NYM 82 5. Bogaerts Boston 78 21. Correa 51 Putouts at SS 2022 1. Lindor 198 2. Swanson Atlanta 193 3. Baez Detroit 187 4. Rojas Miami 184 5. Mateo 181 15. Correa 157 Assists at SS 2022 1. Mateo 417 2. Seager 407 3. Bogaerts 401 4. Swanson 391 5. Lindor 385 19. Correa 307 Games at SS 1. Swanson 161 2. Turner LA 160 3. Lindor 159 4. Bichette Toronto 157 5. Mateo 149 18. Correa 132 Shortstop Salaries (https://www.spotrac.com/mlb/rankings/salary/shortstop/) 1. Correa $35,100,000 2. Lindor $34,100,000 3. Seager $33,000,000 4. Turner $21,000,000 5. Bogaerts $20,000,000 5. Baez $20,000,000 8. Swanson $10,000,000 15. Rojas $5,500,000 28. Bichette $825,000 32. Mateo $709,500 38. Perdomo $701,300 How badly do we need Correa?

As long as we're adding dead weight go for Billy Martin. There's too many marshmallows on this team.

I echo the words of others, none of these guys are titillating. Go with the "pipeline" instead. Less risk, more potential upside.

Sounds promising, but until these pitchers start producing at the major league level the "pipeline" has been more like a bent straw.

"Minnesota isn't forced to trade Kepler, but this front office has touted its creativity regarding roster creation." Cody Christie Huh? You mean the Twins penchant for acquiring broken-down pitchers in exchange for some of our better prospects? That creativity?

I can empathize with Allmendinger. I've spent more time watching Japanese beetles on my back deck than I have watching the ALCS. Starting to name the little buggers. Interesting to note several seem more resistant to bug spray than others triggering a fear I may be creating a super race of Japanese beetles. Given they have a genetic ninja ability we could soon be in a world of hurt... almost as painful as watching the Twins tank a division lead. Who's playing by the way?

Just popped in to check play-off results and discovered starting pitchers are going seven innings on three-days rest. Somebody step in and stop this cruelty or somebody is going to get hurt!

Package deal; Pagan, Sano and Rocco. Something to build a team around; pitcher, slugger, manager. Not necessary to give us anything of immediate value in return as we're just interested in starting a rebuilding team, hopefully somebody in our division, off on the right foot. You know, in the name of improving competition.

We've been talking about shortstop for the last what? Five years? In the meantime our pitching staff leaks homeruns, can barely find the plate some days and creates banner headlines when a guy actually pitches into the 6th. Take that Correa money and get a "real" pitcher; not a has-been, not a surgery waiting to happen. If he's good we won't notice who's playing short. Of course we'll have to convince him Rocco will let him go for the no-no and not pull him in the fifth...

Package him with Sano and hope to God that's enough sweetner for another team to take the bait. Miranda can't play third? Based on what? He spent most of this past season at first, a new position for him. If Miranda is going to be part of the "plan" he needs to be the starting 3rd baseman in 2023. None of this "utility" crap. Tell him right now he's going to be "the" hot corner guy and bat clean-up. Give him the entire off-season to prepare with those specific roles in mind. It's called focusing. I like Urshela, but if we keep him you know damn well Rocco will again be playing roulette next season when it comes to setting game day starters and batting lineups.

Why am I not enthralled with grading an infielders' arm strength?

Odd that we cut Smeltzer and hung onto (at least so far) pitchers that shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a pitching rubber. If there's a plan it must be so devious we mere mortals can't decipher it.

Jake Cave is where Jake Brakes were invented, which have now been outlawed in most municipalities. Jakes have been going downhill ever since.

Oh yeah? Well our guys are more rested.

"The Twins can sign anybody they want to sign," TwinsDr2021 Assuming "anybody" wants to come here. If I was an established player, one with a proven track record, and wanted a(nother) shot at a World Series title, or a chance to burnish personal records for an eventual shot at the Hall, would I sign with the Twins? Ask Correa. But if I was at the end of a so-so career, running out of gas, struggling with reoccurring injuries and anxious to pad my retirement would I sign a 2-3 year deal with the Twins? In a heartbeat. List of "free" agents who have done exactly that resembles a dime novel.

Now that the Twins are Cave-less, Wallner has a better chance of playing in the Bigs next year. What's the old saying about one door opening when another closes?

Shhh! "Spillage" warning designed to protect me from claims I might "misappropriate" any donations of Irish Elixir of Life.