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Image courtesy of Bruce Kluckhohn - Imagn Images Chris Shaw was confused. The Golden Valley man was enjoying a hazy IPA at Bricksworth Beer Co. in the North Loop neighborhood of Minneapolis on Wednesday afternoon with some co-workers, when a group of “roughly 8-10 people” in Minnesota Twins gear walked in. “We didn’t know what to make of it,” said Shaw. “The season’s been over for at least a month now, and they don’t do TwinsFest until January. Figured it was one of those lame themed office parties or something.” Although common sense would seem to indicate that Shaw is correct, while investigating this incident, Twins Daily was able to exclusively confirm that the Minnesota Twins are still playing baseball—including a home series against the Cleveland Guardians this weekend! Reporters and analysts who cover the Twins were stunned. “I was as surprised as anyone,” said Twins Daily founder John Bonnes. “But I used a variety of search engines and they all indicated that the regular season ends on Sunday, September 28. I called the Target Field front desk on my landline telephone and was told the same.” “My editor told me to go to the stadium on Tuesday,” said the Minnesota Star Tribune’s Phil Miller. “I figured they wanted me to gauge the off-season temperature or see if there was any more downsizing. I get there, and there’s people in the stands. I just assumed it was another country music concert from someone named Kody or Keith or Kody Keith. But it was a Yankees game? Against the Twins? Who are still playing?” Twins Daily has confirmed that there are four more home games this year, all against Cleveland, on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, multiple sources have told us the Twins will then head out on the road for an entire week of more baseball games. Perhaps even more remarkably, these results will count in the standings for both teams. “I’ll be honest, I just switched into Vikings and Lynx mode after the trade deadline,” said Fiona Barrington, Shaw’s co-worker. “I honestly assumed they didn’t have enough players left, anyway. This is pretty wild. Do their families know?” The final home series of the year, which, again, we have verified to be real, begins tonight, with Pablo López taking the mound versus the Guardians. There’s even a website where you can buy tickets. Huh. View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/Mac H With fan morale plummeting almost as fast as the team’s winning percentage, it’s an inopportune time for the Twins to be starting a 10-game homestand to close out the home portion of their 2025 season. Even with the Yankees coming to town next week, good seats are still available, to put it mildly. This makes the case of Ken Aamodt even more baffling. Aamodt, a Lakeville father of two, bought two tickets to Saturday evening’s game versus the Arizona Diamondbacks. Multiple sources say he bought them on purpose. “When I heard he did that, I thought maybe he had a connection to the D-Backs,” said James McTeer, Aamodt’s friend and co-worker. “He doesn’t. He’s never even been to Arizona. I don’t know what’s going on, but I shot him a text saying 'hey, you can always talk to me if ur ever going through something.'” Aamodt’s spouse, Kate, is also perplexed. “He said he had a surprise for Saturday night earlier this week, and I got excited,” said Aamodt. “We haven’t been on a date in a while, and the kids are staying with his grandparents all weekend. “Then he said he got home run deck seats for the Twins and Diamondbacks. I thought he was kidding. But no. He wasn’t. He even got paper tickets. Paper!” The Diamondbacks are on the fringe of the NL Wild Card race, but it’s not at all clear if Aamodt is aware of this, or if he even knows that they’re in the National League. “He paid face value for these tickets,” said McTeer. “Go to StubHub! They’re like $10!” Sports psychologists say they’re equally puzzled by Aamodt’s unprecedented behavior. “Diehard fans are obviously going to the games regardless of record or weather,” said Dr. Lorraine Clay, a fellow at the University of Nebraska’s Institute for Recreational Psychology. “Aamodt hasn’t been to any games this year. He doesn’t subscribe to the Twins’ TV package. There’s no indication that he likes baseball at all. I hate to diagnose from afar, but he’s clearly had a mental break and should be in jail.” Aamodt was unavailable for comment, though not in jail (for now), according to Dakota County Sheriff Department records. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/Gillie There is a specially constructed room at Orfield Laboratories in south Minneapolis that has long been considered the quietest place in the world. This “anechoic chamber” absorbs all sound, making it so silent that you can hear your heartbeat, your joints, and even your lungs as they fill with air. It has a negative decibel reading. As of this week, there is some competition, and it’s just a few miles up the road. “I’m frankly stunned to say that Target Field may, in fact, be quieter,” said Mike Role, a spokesperson for Orfield. “It’s an open-air stadium in a large city. But the silence speaks for itself, I guess.” With attendance plummeting after the trade deadline fire sale, what few fans are left report conditions like those experienced by those spending prolonged time in the chamber, including dizziness, nausea, and disorientation. “When Simeon Woods Richardson gave up the lead on Tuesday, I heard two things: the crack of the bat and Rocco Baldelli’s world-weary sigh,” said Tim Franklin. “I was sitting in dead center field, by myself. I yelled at Glen Perkins in the press box. He waved. Then the hallucinations began.” “It’s eerie, there’s no getting around it,” said Tucker Krebsbach, an usher at the stadium. “You stand and you stand. The quiet gets so overwhelming that I need to sit down. When Sue Nelson (longtime Minnesota Twins organist) plays a note, it’s like the 4th of July.” NASA has used anechoic chambers like Orfield’s to help astronauts prepare for the silence of space. They say the current conditions for Minnesota home games share some similarities. “The mental dangers are often much more hazardous than the physical ones,” said Deborah Jenks, a NASA analyst. “That omnipresent isolation and profound silence can drive the most stable person to realms of pure madness and total fear. And that’s just Target Field. Space is dangerous, too." Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Ethan Sykes Local cat owner Aaron Gleeman posted a survey on The Athletic, a sports website run by a leading smartphone gaming company, asking Minnesota Twins fans how they’re feeling right now. It’s a valid line of questioning, after the double whammy of a trade deadline fire sale and the announcement that the Pohlad family would retain control of the team. And the short survey covers the expected territory, asking for opinions on the front office, manager Rocco Baldelli, and ownership. However, some fans claim there are errors in the survey that may prevent the survey from giving an entirely accurate gauge of the fan base’s emotional well-being, or lack thereof. “At no point in this survey did they ask about my blank, baseline sadness,” said Julia Gibbons, 49, of Shoreview. “I don’t even watch the games anymore. I just look at the box score in the morning and stare at the kitchen wall. I forget to drink my coffee. It gets cold. I’m too numb to ache. Yet still, I ache.” “It asked me to give a letter grade to ownership, from A to F,” said Brady Thomasson, 37, of Northfield. “What’s the letter for ‘endless, anguished screaming,’ Aaron? I can’t find a letter for that. I scream, and neither Aaron nor God will listen.” “One question asked if I thought Pablo López and Joe Ryan would be traded,” said Ron Abbotsford, 71, of Ham Lake. “It didn’t ask if I thought they’d also trade (top prospect) Walker Jenkins before or after they manipulated his service time. It didn’t ask me if they’d come to my house, take my videocassettes of every 1991 World Series game, and urinate on them. It didn’t ask me why I’m crying all the time now.” The Athletic said they will release the results after the Labor Day holiday. The Twins open a 7-game homestand on Friday versus the San Diego Padres. The games will be started by a bunch of relievers you’ve never heard of in your life and will never hear of again. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Piotr Cichosz The Athletic’s Andrew Marchand reported Thursday that Major League Baseball and ESPN are close to reaching a deal that would give the Worldwide Leader broadcast rights to five teams, one of which is your Minnesota Twins. Initial reports were light on details, but the dogged reporting of the Twins Daily I-Team has uncovered intel on pricing, platforms, and more. How to watch: Obtain ESPN access through your cable provider or satellite, or purchase the standalone ESPN app. Then buy the Twins app through ESPN. Then select your preferred tier: Basic: It’s just the AM radio broadcast. It doesn’t come in when it’s raining, windy, or overly sunny. Basic+: Static-free AM radio broadcast. Premium: Road games only. Premium+: Home games only. In order to access each broadcast, you have to verbally apologize to a Pohlad for not seeing the game in person. If they deem it genuine, you are allowed to view the game. No refunds. Silver: Road and home games, broadcast in black and white. Gold: Road and home games, broadcast in color. Platinum: Road and home games, broadcast in Coomervision, an experimental technology that emits the scent of whatever the former Twin had for lunch that day. Is that cabbage? No, that’s Coomervision. Platinum+: The top tier. Road and home games, Coomervision, and a portion of your subscription goes to the Pohlad Family Walking Around Money Fund, which allows the idle children and grandchildren of the Pohlad family to have a little spending cash as they wander the malls of Dubai. Pricing: Rather than individually pricing each tier, the team is introducing the How Much You Got plan, an innovative program that tallies your monthly disposable income and charges you exactly that much for the tier you choose. For those worried about affordability or emergencies, the team will be offering a high-limit credit card with a 34% APR, in honor of Twins Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett. (In the past, similar cards have paid homage to Rod Carew with a 29% rate, but the family felt it was time to highlight Puckett.) No date has been set for when these become available to the general public. A team source says they hope to roll them out on Pohlad Appreciation Day, which is replacing the traditional Fan Appreciation Day during the final regular-season homestand to thank the Pohlads for their stewardship of the franchise. (Image license here.) View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/le temple du chemisier Katie McKinney has had better days. “When the Pohlads put out the statement that they weren’t selling the team on Wednesday, I was about to start my 8-hour shift of calling and e-mailing lapsed season ticket holders,” said McKinney, 24, of Eden Prairie. “I didn’t know people had that many different ways of saying [REDACTED] you, [REDACTED].” McKinney’s experience is just one of the reasons Minnesota Twins Season Ticket Representative was named World’s Toughest Job by Nevada University’s Carson Institute. “The physical demands of jobs in commercial fishing boats or coal mines are undeniable,” said Garth Mannion, an Institute spokesperson. “I’d like to see them last one shift where you have to sell 4- and 5-figure ticket packages to a team that just traded Carlos Correa for a box of used gum.” “I thought trade deadline day was going to be the worst day of my career,” said McKinney. “I went home, cried for six hours, went to bed, woke up crying, came back to the office, and got called a [REDACTED] by a kindly Willmar grandmother at 9:01 am. “Yesterday was much, much worse.” Mannion said he’d never seen a job where the mental health aspects were so much more daunting than careers traditionally considered more hazardous. “You talk to people who rescue tourists from underwater caves, technicians who defuse explosive devices, the folks who clean up gruesome crime scenes, and they all talk about how they compartmentalize the work or embrace their part in making bad days a little better,” said Mannion. “The bleak, Stygian horror of persuading someone to give money to the Pohlad family offers no such solace—only the promise of another day exactly like this one. It’s not hell, but it’s not not hell.” McKinney said that, despite the awful reaction to the Pohlads announcing they were no longer selling the club, she did make one sale on Wednesday. “He was clearly a senior citizen, and I’m pretty sure he thought I was Judy Garland,” said the rep. “This likely elder fraud is the only good thing that has happened to me since I started.” McKinney stared into the middle distance, sighed, and reconsidered. “OK, two good things. Archie, who has been here since 2024 and is the old hand in our department, taught me this breathing trick so I can smoke and cry at the same time.” Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of homes.com Ashley Magnuson is a Twins fan. And like other diehards, she’s been following the aftermath of Minnesota’s trade deadline demolition closely. But even she was not prepared for what she saw this week. “I think I went to prom with that guy,” she remarked to her friends on Wednesday as Brooks Kriske closed out Minnesota’s 9-4 victory over Detroit. “And I swear to god the guy earlier in the game was our class president,” referring to Thomas Hatch, who notched the victory in 4 1/3 innings of relief. While neither Kriske nor Hatch attended Apple Valley High School with Magnuson, the resemblance is uncanny. And they’re not the only ones. “Noah Davis ran varsity track,” said Magnuson, 29. “Pierson Ohl was in speech club with my cousin. Those weren’t their names then, but you have to believe me. I’m not making this up.” Despite fellow Apple Valley grads, yearbook photos, and Facebook profiles confirming Magnuson’s suspicions, the Twins and Major League Baseball deny that these are just local suburban dayworkers playing for the league minimum between other gigs. “These are real players with real backgrounds,” said a front office source. “But the fact that you think we’d be so focused on cost-cutting that we’d hire temps, work with our media partners to plant fictional bios, and then let Josh, Blake, Liam, and Topher play meaningful baseball is simply outrageous. "I've said too much." The source then excused himself to apologize in person to the Pohlads for setting the Target Field office air conditioning at 72, instead of the mandatory 79. After having Thursday off, the Twins return home to play the Kansas City Royals on Friday night. The team is asking fans from Apple Valley and other South River suburbs to consider how bad road construction is on weekends and reschedule any plans to attend. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Matt Lehman A disappointing post-All-Star-break record led the Minnesota Twins to make a remarkable number of transactions this week. Most notably, they traded elite closer Jhoan Duran to Philadelphia for two top Phillies prospects and sent shortstop Carlos Correa back to Houston. While the team waving the white flag for 2025 might upset some fans, sources say the current team ownership is even angrier. Just not in the way you’d think. “If we can trade players for cheaper players and, even better, cash money, why can’t we trade these stupid [EXPLETIVE] buildings,” said a memo from the Pohlad family to Derek Falvey and the entire front office that was shared with Twins Daily. “You can’t tell me the Dodgers don’t want a nice retirement community in Woodbury for when Brock Stewart gets injured again. It has a hot tub.” The terse internal memo, littered with uncharacteristically colorful language for team correspondence, arrives as the Pohlads are attempting to sell the franchise for a reported $1.7 billion. While that would almost certainly alleviate any harm from a soft commercial real estate market, that money isn’t here yet. Another section, directed at Twins president of baseball and business operations Derek Falvey, made that uncomfortably clear. “You know who doesn’t have a no-trade clause, Derek? Buildings. You know who doesn’t have a union rep busting your [EXPLETIVE] about paid paternity leave, Derek? Buildings. You know what has a vacancy rate of 95 [EXPLETIVE] percent that no one’s paying the [EXPLETIVE] rent on, Derek? Buildings. Let’s think outside the box here.” By the end of Thursday's action, the Twins had traded Duran, Correa, Stewart, Griffin Jax, Louis Varland, Danny Coulombe, Chris Paddack, Randy Dobnak, Ty France and Harrison Bader, all in return for prospects. “Prospects are great, but what’s even better is a mixed-use seven-story building in Richfield that isn’t our [EXPLETIVE] problem anymore. Ask that goofball from the Mets [billionaire owner Steve Cohen] if he’ll take that and Willi Castro for a briefcase full of twenties.” The Pohlads, who spend summer Thursdays playing croquet with human mallets at their country estate in Switzerland, were unavailable to comment on the memo. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Phillip Goldsberry With rampant speculation about what, if any, path the Minnesota Twins will take as the trade deadline action ramps up, the team surprised fans and media alike with an unexpected acquisition on Wednesday: A couch. “The couch in Rocco's (Baldelli, Twins manager) office has needed an upgrade for a while now, but the money just hasn’t been there,” said a front office source. “One of our clubhouse staffers was scrolling Facebook Marketplace, saw this screaming deal on a practically new couch, and let us know. It came together pretty fast after that.” Although the team declined to say how much was spent on the green Wayfair couch, a screenshot shared with Twins Daily showed the price as “$200 or best offer.” Multiple team sources say the cash was freed up after an unnamed Pohlad family member fired a manservant for insolence. Meanwhile, the team’s beat writers are breathing a sigh of relief for their posteriors. “There were springs poking out of that damn thing,” said MLB.com Twins writer Matthew Leach of the manager’s office couch. “Wildly uncomfortable. And there was a stain on one of the cushions that no one would admit to making, but it smelled like old milk. “I think the couch is legitimately haunted,” said The Athletic’s Aaron Gleeman. The team hopes that Major League Baseball will allow them to call up a 26th player to drive out to Lester Prairie, MN, where the couch currently resides in the home of Glenn and Anna Nelson, and pick the new furniture up. “They usually only do the 26th man thing for doubleheaders, but we figure they’ll make an exception when they see this beauty,” said the front office source. “You can tell the Nelsons took care of it. They even Scotchgard-ed it, which is so important when the beats bring their hoagies into the office.” “Hoagie Night is always a mess,” confirmed Betsy Helfand, Twins writer for the Pioneer Press. “Oil and mayonnaise everywhere. Real nightmare.” Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/John Sekutowski Edwin Hoesch watched Tuesday’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game the way he watches most of his programs: Sitting in his well-worn recliner with a glass of tap water and the volume turned up punishingly high. And he didn’t like what he saw or heard. “A tie game? In baseball? Because of those woke politicians, I bet.” Hoesch, 87, lives in a Bloomington retirement community with his third wife, Eugenia. “I don’t stay up that late very often,” said Hoesch. “So’s I was even more mad than I would’ve been. And I was plenty mad.” Eugenia Hoesch confirmed his anger. “I watch one of my NCIS shows every night at 7, then I turn in. I was sound asleep when I heard Eddie yelling ‘A tie? A tie?’ out in the TV room. I haven’t heard him that mad since they quit having dollar coffee at our McDonald’s.” When he was told that most players and teams are happy with the new rules for health and conditioning reasons, Hoesch scoffed. “Ted Williams would have played extra innings and a doubleheader,” said the retired insurance executive. “And everyone would have had a good, full-flavored cigarette between innings. Now you can’t even smoke tobacco anywhere, just mary jane reefer.” Hoesch expanded on all the other new things he disagreed with. This quote has been edited for length and clarity, and an alarmingly specific diatribe against the Portuguese was removed. “You know what else I don’t like? When the weatherman is a lady. The new fella on Wheel of Fortune. Rap music. Rock music. Touchdown celebrations. Roundabouts. Movie theaters with comfortable seats. Public schools. Libraries. Grocery stores that don’t have samples. Solar power. Wind power. Central air. All religions that aren’t mine. When CBS pre-empts Blue Bloods. The sun. Beer, wine, and spirits. Decaffeinated coffee. Caffeinated coffee. Iced coffee. Dogs. Europe. Any government program that I don’t use. And ketchup.” Perhaps counterintuitively, Hoesch also said that college football games should go back to ending in ties, because that’s what The Gipper would’ve wanted. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/May Gauthier With many local businesses (Target, 3M) and the State of Minnesota requiring employees to return to the office either part- or full-time, the Minnesota Twins announced Thursday that players would be required to work in-person three days a week. Remote work would still be allowed twice weekly. The team feels that getting players at Target Field and on road trips more often will help them compete in the wide-open American League Wild Card race. “The ups and downs we’ve had this season are probably reflective of, say, having your starting infield working from home when you’re in Detroit,” said a front office source. “(Jonah) Bride’s a great guy, but I don’t think he would have played as often if we’d had all our options available, much less pitched that much.” “Obviously, having all your players available a little more often helps,” said Twins manager Rocco Baldelli. “We’re not scrambling for a replacement when someone gets injured or the bullpen is getting overworked.” For their part, the players may not welcome the change, but they understand it. “If you don’t have to go to Sacramento, why would you,” said one veteran position player. “But at the end of the day, you tend to have more of an impact when you’re on the field, as opposed to a Zoom call with the coaches. It’s weird that they watch you get into the cold tub, right?” “I work every fifth or sixth day, so I can get a lot of stuff done on those off days,” said a starting pitcher who asked to remain anonymous. “My mustache isn’t possible without remote work, so I’m glad I still have a couple days to really bear down and focus on it.” Per two clubhouse sources, weekend shifts will continue being determined by whoever says “Not it” fastest. The team also hopes the return to office impacts players who’ve been struggling to get going this season. “We really think a player like (Christian) Vázquez will benefit from being here more often,” said the front office source. When a reporter told the source that the slumping Vazquez has been in the clubhouse every day this season, the source pretended to be getting an emergency telephone call. The source could not find their phone, answered a stapler, and left the room. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Unsplash/Markus Winkler Even after a brutal series loss to the lowly Miami Marlins, the Twins are not out of the American League Wild Card chase. But with glaringly obvious needs like an impact bat or rotation help likely to go unfilled due to the team’s purgatorial ownership status, they’ll have to improve on the margins. Twins Daily spoke with several front office sources on some of the moves most likely to happen. First, there will be no trades. “Lol, sure, we’ll make a trade,” said one front office source, struggling to stifle their laughter. “I’ll be honest, I don’t think those are legal. If they were, someone would have told us.” A permeating, bone-deep sadness as Byron Buxton wastes the best season of his life. “We’re hoping we can get everyone out to Target Field this summer to stare into the middle distance as Byron goes 3-5 with a homer, two stolen bases, and a run-saving catch in another 9-4 loss,” said another one of the sources. “It really connects them to the parents and grandparents who watched Rod Carew play in front of 18 people at Met Stadium. Road trips sponsored by Frontier Airlines. “It’s not going to hurt our guys to fly a budget airline,” said a third source. “And frankly, being in the cargo hold allows them to be closer to their luggage to prevent any lost valuables.” Sending season ticket reps door-to-door, begging fans to renew. “The personal touch goes a long way. The desperation in their voice is palpable, and the tears they shed are real, genuine tears. And you’re just going to turn your back on them? What are you, a monster? Instead of being heartless, how about springing for this 20-game ticket package for the rest of the season.” Thanking the Pohlads. “We will be spending a significant amount of money on a pregame tribute to the Pohlad family and their stewardship of the franchise. After the national anthem, we’ll have a video package with fireworks, marching bands, and local youth choirs singing their praises before the first pitch. We’ll be passing a hat around each section of the stadium where people can donate money to this tribute and give the family a little ‘walking around’ money. If fans arrive late, don’t worry, this process will repeat during the 7th inning stretch.” Letting fans diagnose, treat Bailey Ober. “We’ve run him out there at a suboptimal level for weeks,” said one source. “I’ll be honest, the only reason he’s on the IL now is that nobody would shut up about him being hurt. So let’s turn the tables a bit. You think you know what’s wrong with Bailey Ober? Diagnose it and fix it. We’re here all day, wise guys. He’s 6’10”, we can barely fit this redwood in the cold tub and you think you have all the answers.” The Twins open a nine-game home stand Friday against the Tampa Bay Rays. Image license here. View full article

Image courtesy of Flickr/jpellgen The Minnesota Twins hurled a 2-0 shutout of the Seattle Mariners on Wednesday night, which was notable for a few reasons. It provided a respite from three weeks of truly wretched pitching. They shut down a team led by MVP candidate Cal Raleigh. It came in the wake of a closed-door, pitchers-only meeting. They weren’t the only ones who felt the need to regroup. Per multiple press box sources, the team’s beat writers held a similar, invite-only confab to clear the air as the midseason doldrums were allegedly taking a serious toll on the journalists. “It was just the beats, no columnists, no radio, no TV,” said a writer who was in attendance and asked not to be identified. “The beautiful people can have their own damn meeting.” Sources say there was no incident that sparked the meeting, just a general sense of malaise after the season’s first half saw multiple weather delays, travel misery, and at least one instance of a beat writer throwing their neck fan at a caterer because the ranch dipping sauce for the press box chicken tenders was watery. “You have some big personalities in that group,” said a source from the Twins’ public relations staff. “Lots of people say there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there’s definitely a ‘me’ in [The Athletic’s] Aaron Gleeman.” Although none of the beat writers wanted to go on the record to discuss the details of the meeting to respect the candid nature of the conversations, two of the reporters in the room said spirits were lifted by a group singalong. “Phil [Miller, Star Tribune] pulled out an acoustic guitar and began playing Roxette’s ‘It Must Have Been Love’ from the Pretty Woman soundtrack, and everyone just started singing along,” said one journalist. “Betsy [Helfand, Pioneer Press] has the voice of an angel.” “Once Phil played those sweet, sweet power ballad chords, everyone got on board,” said the second journalist. “Dan [Hayes, The Athletic] prefers that indie Sad Dad music, but even he was harmonizing with the new guy [Matthew Leach, MLB.com, who took over from two-time Jeopardy! loser Do-Hyoung Park].” This appears to be the first such meeting of the journalists who cover Twins baseball since 2005, when the writers gathered in an abandoned J.D. Hoyt's to figure out the best way to describe a post-steroids Bret Boone in print without getting sued. Image license here. View full article