As Season Nears, Best Non-Streaming Option Remains ‘The Untrammeled Power of Human Imagination’

With Opening Day less than three weeks away, the only way to view the Minnesota Twins in 2025 continues to be streaming the games on Twins.TV. While a marked improvement over last year’s debacle, this leaves traditional cable and satellite subscribers in the lurch, without much time to adjust. The lack of team control over this aspect makes the situation even more frustrating.

Fortunately, sources in the league office say that they have an innovative solution that remains completely free to all Twins fans, regardless of age, media preference, or financial situation.

“The limitless power of the human mind remains an incredible and affordable option for our fanbase,” said an MLB source with knowledge of the situation. “When you get a score update on your phone, you’re not tethered to the reality of a 7-hop Willi Castro bleeder that scored the go-ahead run. Maybe the single was a sharply struck piece of situational hitting. Maybe a majestic bald eagle picked the ball up off the ground and dropped it in left field, all while a children’s choir sang a patriotic hymn about Jesus and America.

“For our fans 85 and older, there’s also AM radio.”

Twins sources confirmed that, while they’re confident a resolution will be reached before Opening Day, they are encouraging fans to slip the surly bonds of terrestrial reality and embrace the might and frolic of the mind’s eye.

“Joe Ryan throwing a two-hit shutout over seven innings is nice and all,” said a source in the team’s media relations department. “Joe Ryan throwing a two-hit shutout over seven innings while being caught by Fonzie from Happy Days? That’s a memory of a lifetime. Ayyyyyyy!”

The Twins open the season on the road against the St. Louis Cardinals on Mar. 27.

“Think about how cool a grand slam would be if (Matt) Waller was riding a dragon around the bases,” added the Twins source. “I’d like to see Comcast or DirecTV try that.”

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