How to Talk to Your Children About the Chicago White Sox

[RandBalls Stu]

Image courtesy of Flickr/MFHarris

The Chicago White Sox are no longer godless.

That's the only conclusion one can draw through one-third of the MLB season. And as hard as it is for adults to reckon with, imagine what your children are going through. In a fluid, volatile world, they've grown up with vanishingly few constants. One of them is that the White Sox are pure garbage with a fanbase of absentee landlords, pregnant chain smokers, and knaves.

And while their core supporters of recidivist wheelchair thieves remains the same, the South Siders are...kind of fun to watch? And would be in the playoffs if the season ended today? It's enough to make anyone question the foundations of their belief systems, much less impressionable children.

In such a fraught time, Twins Daily editors have crafted some responses for parents, guardians, and cool uncles to use when discussing the White Sox with impressionable youths.

Q: Why aren't they bad anymore? I thought they'd always be bad.

A: First, you have to understand that the American League is down this year. The Twins would also be in the playoffs if the season ended today. You've heard me complaining about them for months.

That said, they're playing .500 baseball, which is amazing for them. There are decades when nothing happens and weeks where decades happen. This might be an example of that.

Q: I know they're an awful franchise beloved by swindlers and men with secret second families. But I really enjoy watching Munetaka Murakami hit. Is that OK?

A: It is. This isn't like when the Yankees were good and you had to pretend Derek Jeter was better than A-Rod. He's legitimately fun to watch! Think of it like watching a bad movie with a good actor in it. The script is undercooked but look, there's Cate Blanchett. She's awesome. I bet she bought a pool with this paycheck.

Q: Will they continue being watchable going forward? 

A: It's a long season! As a Twins fan, you've seen how teams can fall off a cliff in August and September. The same could happen to the White Sox! But you need to prepare yourself for them hovering around .500 and wild card contention this summer. The tornado probably won't hit your house directly, but if the siren goes off, you should still go to the basement. You just never know.

Q: If a White Sox fan approaches me, what should I do?

A: That hasn't changed. Do not give them your social security number, no matter how often they ask, which will be often.

Image license here.

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[LewFordLives]

I blame Pope Leo.  The south siders may be the recipients of divine intervention, which, quite frankly, isn't really fair.

[Twins GFP]

At least we don't have to listen to Ken Harrelson spouting their success from the booth.

[LastOnePicked]

Oh no. I gave Murakami my social security number.

[gil4]

33 minutes ago, LastOnePicked said:

Oh no. I gave Murakami my social security number.

Did you give him your bank routing and account numbers?  He might have just needed it for direct deposits.  

[ashbury]

12 hours ago, LewFordLives said:

I blame Pope Leo.  The south siders may be the recipients of divine intervention, which, quite frankly, isn't really fair.

You think infernal intervention on behalf of the Dodgers is?