Twins Forget To Include Pants In City Connect Uniform Design

[Lou Hennessy]

According to sources, the intern responsible for designing the new threads spaced on the need for trousers. 

Image courtesy of © Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

Realization set in quickly for the Twins as they prepared to unveil their highly-anticipated City Connect uniforms on Monday morning. While the jerseys themselves were well-designed with a unique color scheme tying to a quintessential aspect of Minnesota, the club’s marketing department discovered a problematic oversight. 

The new uniforms didn’t include pants, and per Rule 1148.A of the contract signed between the league, players union, the distributors of MLB licensed uniforms material, and for some reason the Catholic Church, the club is not allowed to take the field with any pants from their other uniforms while donning the new alternate jerseys. That is, of course, unless the club is willing to pay a modest fine for their discrepancy. 
With that consequence in mind, the club’s ownership decided to accept their pantsless new uniform going forward. 

“Look, it’s not ideal for our guys to go out there in their skivvies, but rules are rules,” said a team spokesperson. “People can’t expect us to throw money at every problem we come across. Sometimes you have to just live with some conditions that aren’t ideal.”

The reason for the missing pants in the uniform design stems from a newly-hired intern who was tasked with submitting the blueprints last month. According to sources, he was late for his shift that day, saying he had car trouble. Yet as he made his way to his cubicle upon arriving, he was seen with a large iced coffee and donut crumbs cascading down his shirt. Then, as is the case most days, he took an extra-long lunch hour.

“I’m not saying it’s all the kid’s fault, but he is an absolute space cadet,” said a member of the Twins’ marketing team. “Last week he asked me how to spell the word ‘drawing’ and then he put his air pods in and walked away as I answered.”

Seemingly, there is already a failsafe set in place by the distributors in case any errors like this occur. They are to immediately call the contact person with the team to explain the discrepancy and make alternate plans. Apparently they tried calling the Twins’ intern time after time, but he refused to answer his phone because it was an unknown number, the sight of which caused him to spiral with anxiety. 

“What, like I’m just going to answer a call on my phone? What am I, a psychopath?” he said when pressed on the situation. “I’ll tell you what I tell my mother – if you need something from me, hit me up on TikTok or just do it yourself.”

So the club will take the field on Friday just as their blueprints dictated - without anything covering the lower half. Okay, they won’t go full commando, as players will still wear plenty of compression layers and protective gear that will cover their shame. 

But this situation makes it clear just how far ownership is willing to go in an effort to avoid paying more out of pocket. Sure, they’d love to shake the reputation of being cheap, and they’ll argue factors outside of their control are what’s prohibitive. But like their new uniforms, that argument just doesn’t have legs. 

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[Richie the Rally Goat]

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[dxpavelka]

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