Choose Your Own Trade Deadline Adventure

[RandBalls Stu]

I’m writing this on Thursday night and don’t want this to be out of date by the time it posts on Friday morning. Some of the biggest moves in baseball happen while we’re in our nightcaps, sawing logs. Therefore, I’ve had to format this like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Please follow the chain for my reaction to whatever did or did not happen.

 

DID THE TWINS MAKE A MOVE?

• IF NO: Standing pat gives us every indication that the Twins hope the rotation’s slump ends, Kenta Maeda saves the bullpen, and the offense does the rest. I’m skeptical! THE END
• IF YES: DID THE TWINS TRADE FOR A STARTING PITCHER
  • IF YES: I’m glad they did something, but I’m sorry to see (prospect name or names) go. THE END
  • IF NO: What about the bullpen? I’m troubled! CONTINUE

• IF YES: DID THE TWINS TRADE FOR A RELIEVER
  • IF YES: I’m glad they did something, but I’m sorry to see (prospect name or names) go. At least they didn’t trade Wilson Ramos for Matt Capps. I’m still very upset about that and I will die angry about it. I’m angry now! THE END
  • IF NO: What about the rotation? I’m troubled! CONTINUE
• IF YES: DID THE TWINS TRADE FOR A CATCHER
  • IF YES: I’m glad they added depth to the position with Jeffers’ injury, but I’m sorry to see (prospect name or names) go. And I'm troubled about the pitching! Very troubled! THE END
  • IF NO: I think Drew Butera is a bullpen catcher for the Angels. A reunion has never made more sense. Bring back Sweet Drew! You can probably get him for some coupons. CONTINUE
• IF YES: DID THEY TRADE CARLOS CORREA DESPITE BEING IN FIRST PLACE AND AN OBVIOUS PLAYOFF TEAM EVEN IF THE PITCHING CONTINUES TO MAKE US ALL SAD
  • IF YES: I hate this so much. You’re in first place, you stupid idiots. You fools. You fools. THE END
  • IF NO: Good. You’re in first place, you stupid idiots. CONTINUE
• IF YES: DID THEY MOVE THE TEAM’S HOME GAMES TO DICK PUTZ FIELD IN ST. CLOUD, MINNESOTA BECAUSE THEY CAN’T AFFORD THE RENT IN THE NORTH LOOP
  • IF YES: I guess I understand? Seems like a pretty long drive for a lot of season ticket holders, and they’ll have to share the field with the St. Cloud Rox, but they have a beer deck along the third base line. The rebuilt Ultimate Sports Bar is just down the way. The White Horse downtown has great food and killer drinks. Enjoy the Granite City! THE END
  • IF NO: Good. That would be a weird thing to do? CONTINUE
• IF YES: DID THEY TRADE FOR JUAN SOTO OR AARON JUDGE OR SHOHEI OHTANI
  • IF YES: I have died. I will not miss any of the players we traded. THE END
  • IF NO: Glad I’m not dead, I guess. Woulda been cool though. THE END

Congratulations! You've reached the end of the story. 

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash.

 

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[Mark G]

If, in the hour and 15 minutes since this "story"(?) was posted, we made a trade with anyone, for anyone, please update the story.  And continue to update it every hour on the hour so I am not the last to hear of something.   Thank you.  THE END.

[mikelink45]

In an attempt to get good press after doing nothing did the Twins activate Patrick Reusse as the bench coach to drive Rocco crazy?  If not did they activate Randball Stu as the 3B ballboy so he can entertain the remaining fans?

[twins_89]

Calling the Twins an obvious playoff team seems like a stretch. There's a very real chance that on trade deadline day the Twins won't be a playoff team based on the current standings.

[Craig Arko]

I can tell you invest some time reading the other threads around here.