Name Brand Only: Ranking Twins Daily’s Best Names

[Patrick Wozniak]

There’re a lot of great writers here at Twins Daily and ranking them would be arduous. Nick Nelson? Seth Stohs? Mathew Trueblood? Let’s not even try. Let’s rank their names instead.That’s right. Not all writers are created equal (unfortunately for yours truly) and neither are their names. Here’s my attempt at ranking our writers according to the aesthetic virtue of their names.

 

5) Cooper Carlson

 

Alliteration gives names a poetic nature and Twins Daily is full of them with Cody Christy, Nick Nelson, and Seth Stohs. All good names (and writers) but we’ll go with Cooper Carlson. This just sounds like a classic reporter name and if Cooper should ever become an investigative TV reporter, “The Scoop with Coop” would work quite well.

 

4) Randballs Stu

 

It seems most likely that the Stu’s originated in Romania as it is common for Romanian last names to end in a “u.” I know a Romanian fellow and he’s quite nice. Additionally, I’m a big fan of three lettered surnames that end in a vowel. Randballs had a lot going for him with just the Stu but then his parents really hit it out of the park with the Randballs. Randball would have been a pretty cool name in and of itself but adding an “s” to the end is the icing on the cake. Kennys Vargas and Willians Astudillo approve!

 

3) Thiéres Rabelo

 

Some names sound great and some names look great. I’m not even 100% sure how to pronounce Thiéres but it looks cool (I assume it’s Portuguese since he hails from Brazil). And Rabelo sounds tough…kind of like “rebel.” And Thiéres Rabelo probably is tough because according to his bio in Twins Daily Writers: Get to Know 'Em! he likes to play rugby.

 

2) Nash Walker

 

Speaking of tough names, Nash Walker is a good one. Nash sounds kind of country because it is reminiscent of Nashville and Walker reminds me of some combination of Chuck Norris (Walker Texas Ranger), Luke Skywalker, and Hershel Walker, who’s nearly 60 and still does 80,000 pushups a day (approximately). If I should ever be so lucky to meet Nash Walker and he’s not outfitted in a 10-gallon cowboy hat with a lightsaber in his holster I’ll be sincerely disappointed.

 

1) Matthew Trueblood

 

There’s a lot of great names at Twins Daily and also a lot of Matthews (at least four at the time of writing but there’s probably six or seven by the time you’re reading this). Honestly, the name Matthew isn’t all that cool (I prefer Patrick), but throw a Trueblood after it and it’s downright epic. Tragically, Mr. Trueblood’s extraordinary baseball writing talent has him writing about baseball instead of penning mystery and crime novels where his name would be best utilized.

 

Bonus Name: John Bonnes

 

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[John Bonnes]

This story is an abomination.

 

1) When you have a writer nicknamed "Woz" he has to be in this list. Even if you have to make the list longer. Even if he's the actual author of the list.

 

2) Renabanena?!? Hello? I don't care if it's not recognized by the state.

 

3) If Cooper Carlson makes the list, Cody Christie makes the list. (Maybe an alliterative section that includes Seth Stohs and Nick Nelson?)

 

4) We have both a Gebo and a Pirkl. I don't know if those need to be on the Best List or the Worst List, but they need to be on list. (Probably a Watch List.)

 

5) Can we talk about the roller-coaster ride that is "Parker Hageman?" Starts out strong and then just plummets to the depths of hell. 

 

C'mon Woz. Do better. 

[Squirrel]

I was just going to say this ... I mean ... HELLO! Renabanena? If that's not No. 1 on anyone's list, go back and start over.

[DocBauer]

Why does Nick Nelson sound like a featured crime reporter for the Daily Planet? (Could also run with private eye but we're discussing journalism here...sorta).

[Patrick Wozniak]

I'll concede that I might have messed up with leaving Renabanena off the list and of course "Woz" should be #1, but I tried to remain humble - this is a Minnesota-based site after all!  

[Nash Walker]

Absolute respect here. Thank you