We used to say clever things in baseball, using words that conveyed a sense of excitement; a sense of action. A batter delivered a crucial hit and you’d hear/read things like “Kepler drives in a run!” Or “Escobar scores on a key hit up the middle!”

“Drives” and “scores” are commonly used and easily understandable verbs that connote action and excitement. That’s a good thing.

But now if you read game wrap-ups on the Twins official site, our guys don’t do exciting things anymore (Which is true in more ways than one). Now our runs are “plated”. What the hell does that mean?

I asked that very same question of the American Dictionary. Guess what, the big American Dic doesn’t know either. There’s “plates” - the things most of us non-barbarians use to hold our food until we shovel it down between burps - and there’s “plating”; coating an object with some sort of overlay.

So I guess if Twins batters “plated” a baserunner, it means they coated him with something; gold, bronze, cheap veneer, liquid horse manure? And how do they accomplish that? They got like a spray gun or something underneath their jerseys they whip out and hose down the incoming baserunner before they take off for first themselves? Or maybe they use one of those electroplating gizmos; they stick a couple probes into the baserunner as he goes by and then hit the juice, leaving the runner coated in galvanized gray. You know, in case he has to stand out in the rain during outdoor baseball.

Okay. Maybe I’m a purist, or even an anal retentive pedantic, but you know what, it’s irritating enough following the Twins while wearing a bag over your head without having to reach for the ear muffs and blinders, too. So for the sake of Twins fans’ sanity everywhere do us a favor Twins reporters and use some action verbs when describing what little excitement takes place on the field.

Don’t make me come over there and plate you!