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  • sat·ire | (/ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/) | noun
    the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Experts: Twins Letting Cleveland Win All These Games Might Backfire

    RandBalls Stu

    “While it’s admirable that they’re offering encouragement to a division rival, this could impact Minnesota negatively at some point.”

    Image courtesy of David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

    Twins Video


    In an otherwise positive season for the Minnesota Twins, one troublesome negative stands out: They keep letting the Cleveland Guardians baseball team win games they oughtn’t.

    Late-game meltdowns by the bullpen in general and Emilio Pagan in specific have flipped the result of five recent Twins/Guardians matchups from likely Ws to definite Ls. Multiple baseball experts have confirmed to Twins Daily that this could eventually be a major problem for the current AL Central leaders.

    “Are you seriously asking me if losing to a division is rival is bad,” said Phil Miller, the Minneapolis Star Tribune’s Twins beat writer. “Are you seriously asking me this? What is wrong with you?”

    “I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s bad,” said legendary sportswriter and MLB TV personality Peter Gammons. “You’ve proven that there is such a thing as a stupid question. My god, man. My god. I’m friends with Pearl Jam, and you trouble me with this abject nonsense.”

    “[EXPLETIVE] you,” said The Athletic’s Dan Hayes. “[EXPLETIVE] you. Really. I mean that. I will find out where you live.”

    Indeed, the frankly hurtful responses from these and the other baseball experts who didn’t hang up on us or send poop emojis indicate that the Twins could be in real jeopardy of losing what looks like a very winnable division. Dr. Tanner Rosenblatt, a sports psychologist at the University of Iowa, thinks this may become an impediment to future success.

    “Sportsmanship, even in the high-stakes realm of professional sports, is so important,” said Dr. Rosenblatt. “Playing fair, helping an injured opponent, exchanging jerseys after a game, things like that. While it’s admirable that (the Twins are) offering encouragement to a division rival by losing so many of these games in quick succession, this could impact Minnesota negatively at some point.

    “It’s just hard to see how your bullpen eating [EXPLETIVE] night after night after night after night against your closest rival, all while turning the fanbase into cauldrons of defeated sadness, could be considered sustainable.”

    Experts agree.

    "When I find out where you live, and I will, when you least expect it, I will be there," said Hayes. "Then ask me if turning a 10-game lead into a 1-game lead in 35 pitches is good. Northern Minnesota has countless acres of remote forest and farmland. No one will find you." 


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    Gotta wonder if Dan Hayes lost a pile in Vegas betting on the Twins. And that reference to people disappearing in northern Minnesota sort of rings true. A guy I knew disappeared up there. Told his wife he was going deer hunting, but I got suspicious when his wife packed his three-piece "funeral" suit instead of his deer rifle. I always thought he'd get in over his head when he married her.

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    "Twins LETTING Cleveland win all these games may backfire????" 

    FALVINE in their infinite wisdom need to get their noses out of their computers and open their eyes - AND Rocco needs to do the same!!!  WE NEED A BULLPEN.  I'm sure the players are more than a little discouraged when they are in or near the last inning and the Bullpen blows the lead.  Pagán and Thornburg are DONE.  WHY are the Twins picking up pitchers NOBODY else wants?  Bring some KIDS from St. Paul onto the relief staff.  Cut your losses.  

    The Twins relievers have been TRAINED to pitch only one inning.  Neither Jax nor Thielbar could've pitched because they EACH pitched ONE inning the day before?  That's ridiculous.  And when Duffey comes in and strikes out 4 of 5 hitters he faces, WHY take him out for the 9th??

    It's tough being a Twins fan.  No amount of offense is enough!  The Twins' hitting is more than enough to win these games.  The BULLPEN gave up the lead at the end of ALL FIVE CLEVELAND games!  

    I wonder if Jim Pohlad even WATCHES what's going on from his new penthouse atop The Gateway! 




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    It is indeed a rarified air of taunting.

    What do we gain from a blow out?

    It is like sailing across the wind and always accelerating instead of running with the wind, and only being able to go as fast as the wind.

    This is like running with ankle weights. And wrist weights.

    This is the "jump good" style of management.


    "Life of the Repo Man is always intense."

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