Dave The Dastardly

Clever headline and nice analysis.

Contraction?

Let's not lose our heads over this.

Just an observation; Dougie has the Toledo Mud Hens in first place in the AAA International League. Too bad he wasn't good enough for AA ball with the Twins. We just might have had an in-house replacement for Molly.

I always enjoyed watching Denny Hocking play. The guy never did anything half-a$$ed. You always got a 100% effort even if it was only chewing tobacco.

Last time I saw a pair of purple shoes like that the guy wearing them was also wearing a purple fedora with a large white feather in the head band; asked me if I was looking for a good time. I told him I already had my Twins tickets.

I just read that entire link. I didn't quite understand it all but I'm not letting that upset me.

Toe pick! Time to play movie line.

Maybe we can make him into a pitcher. He can cover short and 2nd base from the mound and he won't have to bat. Seems logical after three Grain Belts and a grilled steak.

From Twins site: Motter, 28, appeared in seven games with the Mariners this season, going 4-for-15 with a homer and two walks. He's a career .198/.269/.326 hitter with 10 homers and 36 RBIs in 132 games over three seasons with the Rays and Mariners. He has experience at all four infield positions as well as left field and right field. Wow. A career .198 hitter. Is it too soon to reserve my World Series tickets?

To the rescue!

I inherited a runner once... came with my support hose. Now there's an idea for the bull pen...

I see that medicinal stuff is working.

The Almost Right Stuff I like learning new stuff. Apparently that’s not normal. My wife can attest to the fact that I’m not normal. Therefore I am. People in general don’t like learning new stuff, because they don’t already know it. That makes new stuff unsettling. So sometimes the best way to teach “normal” people new stuff is to lace it with old stuff that they think they already know. Assuming of course they remember the old stuff. Which becomes problematic as you get older. That’s because the older you get the more stuff you have to try to remember because you’ve been around the block a time or two. Which sometimes makes it difficult to remember which block you live on. Where was I going with this...? Oh yeah, here’s some interesting new stuff about Detroit and the Tigers I just learned... or maybe I learned it once before and then forgot it. You know, because I’ve always found the city of Detroit kind of forgettable. Even back when I could remember things. Though I do recall Bert Blyleven once drawing a reprimand for commenting that downtown Detroit “looked the best he’d ever seen it” when it was shrouded in fog. There’s an old line about the “fog of war” I could probably insert here, but I forget how it goes. Detroit was founded on July 24, 1701 by the French explorer and adventurer Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac. So you folks out there roaming around in a Cadillac, you’re in a French car. But don’t surrender just yet. Just be sure to order American fries at MacDonalds and you’ll be okay. In 2013, Detroit became the largest U.S. city to file for bankruptcy, as will many Cadillac owners after they forget to make their car payment for a couple of months. The City of Detroit anchors the third-largest economic region in the Midwest, behind Chicago and Minneapolis-St. Paul. You hear that? We’re Number Two! Chant that at pedestrians while holding up two fingers the next time you’re driving through Detroit in your Cadillac. You’ll probably get a one-finger salute in return. Significantly, the Twins are currently Number Two in the division standings. The north side of Lake Erie was held by the Huron and Neutral peoples until the 1650s, when the Iroquois pushed both them and the Erie people away from the lake and its beaver-rich feeder streams in the Beaver Wars of 1649–1655. A Beaver War. That’s eerie. If TD wasn’t a family site a guy could get a lot of mileage out of that. Unless of course you’re driving a Cadillac, eating American fries and waving two fingers at Detroit citizens. Your mileage in that case could prove to be very limited. But I do have to wonder which side those Neutral people took during the Beaver War... I’m guessing they may have flip-flopped a time or two. The US prohibition of alcohol from 1920 to 1933 resulted in the Detroit River becoming a major conduit for smuggling of illegal Canadian spirits. I suppose the Canucks just dumped the spirits into the river and the Americans lapped it up once it crossed the border. Could also explain why the Canadians today are short of ghosts. Detroit has its own salt mine. It’s located 1,100 ft (340 m) below the city. The mine opened in 1910 and covers 1,500 acres underground. So now you know where laid-off autoworkers wind up after their unemployment runs out, their Cadillac gets repossessed, they lose their own Beaver War and the fog rolls in. I also have some interesting Detroit baseball stuff for us to learn. You know, since this is supposed to be connected in some way to baseball. Ron Gardenhire is the Detroit manager. Remember him? That reminds me of that old joke about the priest who hired a guy with no arms to be the bell ringer. The guy rang the bell by running face first into it. Unfortunately one day he slipped, missed the bell and went right out the bell tower and face-planted the sidewalk. A parishioner ran up to the body, rolled him over and asked the priest what the man's name was. The priest replied, "I don't recall his name, but his face rings a bell." Here’s some more Detroit organization coaching names that may ring a bell. Rick “Pitch To Contact” Anderson is the bullpen coach and the ubiquitous Joe Vavra is in charge of quality control for the Tigers. Whatever that means. Sounds like he could be the locker room plumber. Former Twins player and very successful minor league manager Dougie Mientkiewicz, shafted by the Twins FO, now manages Detroit’s AAA team, the Toledo Mud Hens. Who, by the way, are currently on top of the AAA International League. Another ex-Twin, Brian Harper, is the hitting coach for the Mud Hens. Dougie was a Gold Glove first baseman and Harper was probably the best two-strike hitter in baseball when he was catching for the Twins. He even played defense on occasion. The Mud Hens undoubtedly have the coolest minor league team name in baseball. And as such have generated their own mystique (no, not that Mystique (Rebecca Romijn) though she has generated a lot of... uh, interest, in her own right). MASH character, Maxwell Klinger (played by Jamie Farr) was a Toledo native and fan of the Mud Hens. A fact Klinger often mentioned on the show, even wearing a Mud Hen T-shirt at times. It’s a little known Cliff Claven factoid that Jamie Farr in real life is a Toledo native and a Mud Hen fan. Strange stuff happens when fiction meets... fables? Lou Brown (James Gammon), the character who played the Indians manager in the greatest baseball movie of all time, “Major League” was selling tires and coaching the Mud Hens when he got the call to take over the Indians. Kirby Pucket, Max Sherzer and Casey Stengle all played for the Mud Hens at one time or another. Whether Lou Brown was the Mud Hen manager at any of those times we probably will never know. Unless of course we tip a beer with Cliff Claven. And the Mud Hens play their home games at something called Fifth Third Field. I’m not a math guy but I’m thinking that maybe that fraction should be reduced. So there you have it, lots of threads; old Twins stuff, new Detroit stuff, Mud Hens stuff, all for the price of one game thread. You get what you pay for. Now all that's left is for us to hope Lance Lynn can deliver the right stuff tonight. Quiz on Friday. Scheduled Hurlers For Tonight’s Epic Clash Twins: Lance “Loophole” Lynn 1-4 ERA 7.47 41K Tigers: Mathew “Marshmallow” Boyd 2-3 ERA 3.19 41K Lineups: Unknown At This Time But I’m Sure Paul the Puzzler Will Surprise Us Later

There's the Twins world and then there's the real world.

Yeah, but the worse part is they're pitching blindfolded.

Former Twin Rule 5 Kinley pitching?

Punto! How did you get in here with that camera?

I think it's called thinking inside the box.

Is this the right time to begin spelunking?

I find it telling that not only did I attend Mankato State, but I also coached against basketball teams in every Wisconsin city listed on the Heavy Drinkers List. Perhaps I should market my alcohol consumption inducing skills to every tavern in the upper Midwest... might be worth a shot.

"What are you looking forward to seeing on Sunday afternoon?" I'd be looking forward to watching the game. Alas, MLB in its wisdom has informed me that since Fox Sports North is considered a "local" station, and since I live an hour south of the Twins' stadium the game in California is not available to me on MLBTV as its considered a "local" game for me. Baffles me how MLB intends on building its fan base by not carrying games on network TV where current non-fans might be exposed to the game. What's that old saying about cutting your nose off to spite your face?

Actually that's not true. I once flubbed my Friday morning assignment to bring doughnuts in for the staff. Since I was commuting 38 miles to work and our local baker told me I had to be at the bakery no later than 5 am as he had to cover the morning delivery route that day, I had two trays of Dan's finest artery-clogging doughnuts and rolls sitting in the staff lounge by 6:00 am. The early birds got all the best worms and those staff members who arrived at the regular time had to settle for only one artery-choker apiece from a meager selection. They were not happy. A fact they didn't mind sharing with me. I burped self-consciously in the face of their displeasure (I ate 4 artery-cloggers myself that morning - you know, because I had to skip breakfast in order to pick up the rolls at 5 am) and promised to never bring doughnuts in early again. So the next time my delivery assignment conflicted with Dan's delivery assignment, I kept the two trays of goodies locked in my office until 7:30. Which gave me ample opportunity to select the finest 4 for my breakfast. There's a moral in their someplace... Perhaps I'll figure it out some morning over coffee and rolls.