Dave The Dastardly

Excellent explanation! It's been decades since my Human Anatomy, Kinesiology and Sports Injuries classes and right now I'm wishing you had been one of my instructors.

Your last paragraph is exactly my point, but without my sarcasm. Nice sarcastic dig about the Gehrig/Pipp comparison though.

"To make room for Buxton on the roster, Ryan LaMarre was optioned to Triple-A Rochester. In his 20 games with the club, LaMarre hit .324." Not many teams have the luxury of sending a .324 hitter down to the minors. Twins must be stacked with decent fielders with hot bats.

Interesting. Succinct, but still interesting.

Rule # 1 Never bet on a Minnesota team. Known in Vegas as a sucker's bet. Rule # 2 Vegas doesn't offer an over/under on the Twins. Just an under.

There goes the Dastardly. Hello TV re-runs. What do TV re-runs and the Twins have in common? Answer: We've seen this crap before.

There goes Garver's Gold Glove.

There goes Robbie's Gold Glove.

Yeah, for Pete's sakes let's move on. Cut Hughes. But if we're just going to go out and pick up some other team's cast-off to fill Hughes' roster spot... well then we might as well keep Hughes. Might as well stick with the devil we know as long as we have to pay him anyway. If on the other hand our Front Office pitcher whisperers are going to bring up one of our own prospects, somebody with potential that might actually be around for the rest of the season, make the move right now.

Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus It’s a little known fact that Cincinnati was actually named after a Roman general, Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus. According to legend, Cincinnatus, as he was called for long, Quint for short, had retired to his vineyard on the outskirts of Rome for a little R&R (rose˙ and roscato) with his main squeeze (get it? grapes... squeeze...wine?) and was having a foot-stomping good time when the Roman patricians, who’d run up a hell of a bill on their Visa card while living high off the hog, came calling. That’s calling as “stopping by” because Verizon hadn’t put up any cell towers on the Seven Hills yet. Anyway, the plebians were raising hell back in Rome and the official Roman army, all patricians, had gotten themselves surrounded by a bunch of bill collectors while out plundering and pillaging the countryside and so far had been unable to return to Rome and suppress the riots. Since the plebians’ main grump was the cost of beer at the Coliseum, the Romans thought if Cincinnatus returned to Rome with a keg or two of his best roscato and maybe rolled a few doobies with the plebians he could get them to mellow out long enough to sign up for a new army and he could then lead them off to rescue the patricians. You know, like the little guy always has to bail out the pillagers and plunderers. “Like what’s in it for me, man?” Quint asked the committee leader. “How about we make you Dictator For A Day?” the committee leader proposed. Quint laughed like Oddball in Kelly’s Heroes. “I dig those positive waves, man!” So Luscious, that’s what his main squeeze called him, for reasons we don’t want to go into, loaded up a Sherman tank with his best rose’ and a roscato with an interesting but bold bouquet and went back to Rome to cut a deal with the plebians. The plebes, historically short-sighted, got wasted and sold out for free tickets to the next home game, nose-bleed seats, because you know, they were always out for blood at the Coliseum. The stoners then climbed aboard the Sherman with their new buddy Quint and drove off to rescue the patricians, who after being saved promptly raised season ticket prices at the Coliseum and reduced beer sizes to 12 ounces from the previous 16 ounces but kept the price the same so they could pay off the bill collectors, who were actually mob leg-breakers that were charging the patricians 100% vigorish... you know, because we’re talking Italy here. Capisce? Quint, or Luscious if you want to call him that, tastefully of course, did his Dictator for A Day thing and declared that for now and forever his rose˙ and roscato would be the only wines sold at the Coliseum and that heretofore (gotta throw in a little lawyer talk so I don’t get sued) those wines shall be officially known as the Cincinnati Reds. Vini, vidi, vice. Quiz on Friday. Throwing Grapes for Today’s Whinefest: Twins: Jakeus Odorizzius 1-2 ERA 4.50 24K Reds: Salacius Romano (how fitting!) 1-2 ERA 4.78 16K Unknown at this time if the Twins have a relief pitcher remaining. Could see LaMarre take the mound later. Or earlier. Might also see a few more Twins gladiators get thrown to the lions.

I couldn't watch/listen to the game last night. Literally, got dragged away in the early innings by the Little Woman. She's strong for her size. Anyway, had I known I was going to miss a pitching duel I would've resisted. How long before the Vikings first game?

I've seen both aliens and humans at Twins games. And that's even getting into fartsy... That's the real reason why we got rid of the dome, right?

"Offensively they are being led by someone called Scooter and it is never good when a guy called Scooter is leading the way." Yeah, but guys named Scooter can always get a presidential pardon. Makes me wonder if a guy named Paul can get one of those, too.

I hear you. But let's look at the most common complaints we hear about handling pitchers; 1) The mythical 100-pitch limit - if pitchers go over 100 pitches they'll ruin their arms 2) The less mythical 3-times through the order complaint - after a batter faces a starting pitcher for the third time in one game, he's got the pitcher figured out and will therefore pound the crap out of his stuff 3) Managers either take starters out too early, or leave them in too long 4) Managers "burn out" their relievers by using them too often - the infamous "save the bullpen", which, oddly enough, runs contradictory to taking starters out before they hit the mythical 100-pitch limit and self-destruct. 9 pitchers limited to three innings per game, pitching every 3rd game, "solves" all four "problems". And with 3 official relievers in the bull pen, the manager can use one for 1 inning in each 3-inning segment if the "regular" approaches the dreaded 100-pitch limit during his three innings of work. And as long as we're at it (I'm hiding in my home office to avoid having to watch some drivel on TV with the Little Woman) let's analyze the 200 innings per season versus the 162 innings you brought up. IF pitching too much (too many innings of use for relievers and/or the 100-pitch limit for starters) what the sport is saying is that a pitcher has only so many innings/pitches in his arm. If not, why do we bother keeping track of both? So if we agree that a pitcher has a lifetime limit for innings (and pitches), and if our goal is to "save" everyone's arm, a 162 inning season will lengthen a pitcher's pitching lifetime by approximately 2 years, assuming the average pitcher has "it" for ten years. (200 innings x 10 years = 2,000 pitches, whereas 162 innings x 10 years = 1,620 pitches. Difference of 380 innings, thus allowing the pitcher to throw for at least more two seasons without increasing the wear-and-tear on his arm. In effect, we get an effective Berrios for 12 years instead of 10. Lastly, (I'm still stalling so I don't have to watch TV, a sad way to fritter away one's mind) I accept your 9 pitcher challenge and have listed below 10 (always good to have a spare) Twins pitchers I would trust to throw three innings, and not lose any more games than we already have been. I invite your discourse as that will prolong my stay in the office. In no particular order. Berrios Santana Gibson Odorizzi Duffy Romero Gonsalves Pressley Reed Slegers

Nah! What the new order should be is do away with "starters". What we need is a bunch of long relievers. Everybody goes three innings; nobody hits the dreaded 100 pitches, nobody has to go three times through the batting order, nobody has to pace themselves so they can all rear back and hurl because they know three innings and they're done and there's no need for a closer. Just give Berrios the last three innings. Nine three-inning guys so they pitch every 3rd game and 2-3 relievers that can fill an inning here and there and you got your pitching staff. Even Molly can handle it.

Double that.

First hamboogie of the year on the grill for supper tonight. 85% lean burger from Schmidt's Meat Market in Nicollet, topped with an organic tomato from the Northfield Food Coop, skids greased with a Grain Belt Nordeast, another Nordeast to wash down the burger... God I love Minnesota!!!! Now if the Twins can whip the Yankees tonight I'll believe I've died and gone to Heaven. If they lose.... What the hell.

Dude! Love those positive waves! Can I take a hit of whatever you have in the bong?

Fun with numbers: Berrios ERA 1.63 Opp Avg .155 Whip .58 LaMarre ERA 13.50 Opp Avg .333 Whip 1.50 Kinley ERA 24.30 Opp Avg .474 Whip 3.90 Suggestions?

I wanna be first, Pollyana! I've never been anyone's first before. At least nobody ever admitted it. Can't wait to see Berrios embarrass the Yankees! That would be a first, also.

Castro, Morrison and Grossman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but three strikes and you guys are outta here." Castro says, "Is that one apiece?" Morrison says, "I'll take three." Grossman says, "That takes balls." The bartender says, "That's it! You guys are out!" Morrison turns to his two companions, "Where have I heard that before?"

"I like the way you give a 110% when you prepare an interesting dish, dear." "You know, it's like, you know, unique. I can tell, you know, that you put a lot of effort into it." "I can only control what I can control and I trust you to do your best, dear. You know, like in the areas you can control. Like most everything around here." That last one gets you the frying pan alongside the head. Sometimes you gotta take one for the Gipper.

I'll see your 6 and 2 and go with 4 and 6. But I hope you're right and I'm wrong.

Couldn't agree more. Kinley is dead weight. Use the roster spot for somebody that might actually be able to get an out. Lots of choices in AAA.

Let's start a pool on how long this guy will have to be. I say five innings.