Local Contrarian Struggles to Hate Royce Lewis

OK - I don’t like the bandana on the head.   I’ll put up with the excessive eye-black (I’ll even give you Auston Martin’s excessive eye black too).   Just have Royce dump the bandana.  If it wasn’t for the bandana, I’d buy into Royce-mania. 

15 minutes ago, Riverbrian said:

"Local Contrarians" 

Is there some specific place that is cranking these contrarians out.  

Do they all come from Shakopee or St. Olaf?

Did they all come across the Iowa border? If that's the case... we may need to build a wall. 

Are there classes that teach it?  

Or is it Mom's fault every time?  

I can recall as an eight year-old kid riding with my grandfather down to Iowa to smuggle illegal margarine back across the border into Minnesota. Always thought myself a bootlegger and feared I was going to wind up doing time in Alcatraz if we got caught. Got so worried I convinced Gramps to let me pack a cap-gun whenever we made a run.

Fortunately I never had to use it.

Now that I'm older and slightly wiser I believe we should build a border wall with Iowa and have Mexico pay for it. I hear they like do that. The wall might at least keep my spendthrift cousins down in Iowa from attending our annual family reunion and smuggling AMPI butter back across the border. Gramps always said our Iowawegian cousins came to visit us in Minnesota with one pair of undies and a single $20 bill and went back home without ever changing either.

Gramps, by the way, was our town's police chief.

6 minutes ago, Teflon said:

You won't believe this! My life coach hit Royce's pet Bergamasco multiple times in her Ford Tempo when she was still doing mezcal. She later told me that Royce showed up to check on her at her trailer, bringing a plate of macarons. He then stayed around to help her bondo over the dents. She was incredibly moved by his indefatigable good nature and now proudly sports an image of Royce tattooed adjacent to Lemmy* of Motörhead in her pantheon of body art.

*Interesting note on her Lemmy tattoo - it was ingeniously inked so that his muttonchops utilize her actual body hair. 

Can you explain this to me in Old People's Language?

41 minutes ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

Can you explain this to me in Old People's Language?

A Ford Tempo was a compact car built in the 1980s.

3 hours ago, Dave The Dastardly said:

I can recall as an eight year-old kid riding with my grandfather down to Iowa to smuggle illegal margarine back across the border into Minnesota. Always thought myself a bootlegger and feared I was going to wind up doing time in Alcatraz if we got caught. Got so worried I convinced Gramps to let me pack a cap-gun whenever we made a run.

Fortunately I never had to use it.

Now that I'm older and slightly wiser I believe we should build a border wall with Iowa and have Mexico pay for it. I hear they like do that. The wall might at least keep my spendthrift cousins down in Iowa from attending our annual family reunion and smuggling AMPI butter back across the border. Gramps always said our Iowawegian cousins came to visit us in Minnesota with one pair of undies and a single $20 bill and went back home without ever changing either.

Gramps, by the way, was our town's police chief.

They say you can always tell an Iowegan…but you can’t tell em much.