Friend's 0-162 Prediction MIght Not Have Been Joke

Beck Bradford loves making outrageous claims in the Hrbek's Heroes group chat.

"This is the year that they put a roof on Target Field so they can do monster truck rallies in December" reads one text. "Ron Gardenhire will prove the existence of Godzilla with a shaky cellphone video and an eyewitness account from Nick Punto" reads another. 

"He keeps the chat from getting bogged down in stats or charged emotions," said Eric Bauer, another group chat participant who grew up in Apple Valley with Bradford. "He keeps it light."

But when it came time for their annual Twins prediction thread, what might have seemed like a joke at first now raises the eerie specter of sorcery, even prophecy.

"We were all pretty negative, just from the payroll cuts and last year's fire sale," said Andy Schmit, the group chat's founder and fellow Apple Valley native. "Not a ton of optimism. But Beck checked in with one simple message: '0-162.' No follow up joke like usual. In fact, he hasn't said another word to any of us since sending it on Monday night."

"I think the rest of us thought, oh yeah, good one Bradford," said Bauer. "Classic overreaction bit. But then..."

"Then we all watched the opener on Thursday, and literally everything about it made 0-162 seem reasonable," said Schmit. "Wasted a great start by their best pitcher, couldn't do a damn thing on offense, and the anonymous bullpen faltered. It looked like..."

"It looked like 0-162 wasn't a joke, but perhaps something darker," said Jonah Guilford, a professor of parapsychology at St. Olaf and Hrbek's Heroes group chat member since 2021. "I've often wondered if Beck had the gift of the second sight. We'll see how the season plays out. I thought he was doing a bit, but as the game wore on it all seemed so plausible."

Bradford, whose had notifications silenced since making the prediction, was unavailable for comment. Sources say he is on spring break with his family but that is unconfirmed as this edition of Twins Daily went to press. 

"I'll be honest, I'm terrified," said Bauer. "Last month Beck got rid of his gas-guzzling SUV for a Rivian because he didn't think gas prices could possible stay as low as they were. I don't even think he watches the news. He just...knew.

"I'm hoarding supplies, I guess is what I'm saying."

Image license here.