Local Shock Jock Seeks to Purchase Twins

[RandBalls Stu]

The Woodbury native is believed to be the only person to ever listen to that much Imagine Dragons without harming himself or others.

Image courtesy of Go96 (RIP)

With the news that the Minnesota Twins may very well have a new owner by Opening Day, speculation has turned toward potential suitors. The Ishbia brothers, owners of the Phoenix Suns, have already confirmed their interest. And now another name has surfaced—one with longtime local ties.

Dana Wessel, a Minnesota native and morning radio shock jock at 93X FM, has thrown his hat into the ring to purchase the squad from the Pohlad family, who’ve owned the Twins since 1984.

It would be something of a full-circle moment for Wessel, who was employed by the Pohlads at their now-defunct GO96 radio station in the mid-2010s. The Woodbury native was also part of that station’s morning show, and is believed to be the only person to ever listen to that much Imagine Dragons without harming himself or others (other, of course, than by doing that listening itself).

Wessel, widely regarded as the only man who can tell the difference between Cowboy Slim’s and Cowboy Jack’s, a chain of bars where men in their mid-20s yell at their girlfriends while buying 17 Coors Lights with their stepdad’s credit card, is said to be “dead serious, bruv” about his intent.

“He just, he won’t shut up about it,” said his fiancée Amber, who is also from Minnesota. “When he’s not talking about how handsome and capable Josh Allen is, he says he’s going to buy the Minnesota Twins because ‘it would be such a good bit.’”

“It would be such a good bit,” confirmed Wessel in a statement to Twins Daily.

While most potential buyers come from the world of high finance and hedge funds, Wessel would be coming from the somewhat less lucrative world of morning radio. The adult Lego enthusiast says he’s not concerned with lining up capital.

“I have a real good feeling about the pull-tab box down at the local pub,” said Wessel. “Hit it up this weekend, order some wings, watch some football, pull some winners, boom. Let’s play.”

Although this is Wessel’s first attempt at buying a local franchise, he is no stranger to the process. His bid to acquire the Sacramento Kings when he was a sophomore at St. Cloud State University fell through when his Granite City Food & Brewery gift card was deemed insufficient as a down payment. (Wessel was later permanently banned from the Waite Park Granite City location for “horseplay and antics,” but he has strenuously denied any connection between that incident and the rejected Kings offer.)

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[DJL44]

Please let this turn into a feud

[DJL44]

Is that the most embarrassing professional photo you've ever seen? It looks like it was taken when he had to be at the gym at 5:30am.

[Twins GFP]

If Wessel replaces Gladden on the radio, I am 100% all in.

[Parfigliano]

42 minutes ago, DJL44 said:

Is that the most embarrassing professional photo you've ever seen? It looks like it was taken when he had to be at the gym at 5:30am.

Thats a real pro photo?  I thought it was a joke stock photo.

[DJL44]

8 minutes ago, Parfigliano said:

Thats a real pro photo?  I thought it was a joke stock photo.

That's his real photo. Go ahead and search on google images.

[BobAzar]

His first move? Getting "the Band" (2002 Twins) back together as the coaching staff. AJ Pierzynski, Dougie, Torii, etc. 

[Rick Blaine]

Where's the Waite Park Granite City location?  I can't recall one there.