Article: Channeling Larry King with RandBall's Stu

[RandBalls Stu]

As a certified Old, I remember with not a little fondness Larry King’s column in USA Today, wherein he would just ramble all over the map with pithy observations like “For my money Angie Dickinson should be on Mount Rushmore, tell Roosevelt to shove it” or “Broccoli is nature’s toilet.” Since this was back before the internet and hedge funds destroyed the newspaper business, he was probably paid $400,000 per column.Anywhoozle, I was stumped for a column topic this week (my best idea, and I actually wrote this down: “Addison Reed? More like Baddison Reed.”), so I’m doing a Twinscentric spin on Larry’s old column. Please try to enjoy. Refunds are at the door.

 

The unexpected downside of Minnesota’s fantastic start? Being compelled to stay awake for west coast games on school nights. My day job’s Coffee Bender is a fantastic option for those of age.

 

The upside is that Gleeman’s awake and you can text him questions about Ma$e.

 

Yeah, I have Aaron Gleeman’s number. Jealous?

 

Seattle’s counterpart to Willians Astudillo, at least in the “thick in the britches” column, is Daniel Vogelbach. If they were to collide this weekend, it might trigger a catastrophic event in the Cascadia Subduction Zone. Yes, millions would perish, but it would probably get on SportsCenter?

 

OK, maybe not SportsCenter, because there will be a 2020 NFL Mock Draft to cover and debate. Then the earthquake and how it impacts Kevin Durant’s free agency decision. Then maybe a Yankees or Red Sox highlight and we’re all out of time.

 

Seattle’s counterpart to new Twins pitcher Austin Adams is their own Austin Adams. The media claims that they’re not the same guy, but I’ve seen Avengers: Endgame and I am not prepared to rule out MLB messing with the Quantum Realm as part of their service time BS.

 

That’s not a spoiler, I checked with Bonnes.

 

Cleveland is starting a 4-game set with Baltimore, so let’s all agree not to panic if the Twins are less than 4.5 games up on Monday morning.

 

Unless they’re only a ½ game up. Then panic, because something bad probably happened.

 

Who is your favorite “oh yeah, that guy” Mariner from the incredible 116-win team in 2001 that didn’t even make the World Series? Scott Podsednik or Norm Charlton? There’s a wealth of options.

 

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[bunt_vs_the_shift]

Wait, is Larry King a certified Old? I'd just like to know where the line is.

[John Bonnes]

If you have to ask, you're old.

 

Wait, is Larry King a certified Old? I'd just like to know where the line is.

 

I honestly couldn't believe Vogelbach when I saw him last night. He's Willians Astudillo if he ate Willians Astudillo. 

[ashbury]

Larry King? More like Cherry... uh, Bing Cherry.

 

 

^{_{/ I'll keep working on it}}

[Don't Feed the Greed Guy]

Chance and Cannon King, Larry's sons, were drafted by the White Sox. Chance in the 38th round (2017), and Cannon in the 37th round (2018).

[Hosken Bombo Disco]

It’s ok about the absolutely terrible column this week, Randball’s Stu.

 

By the way, somewhere on my computer there is a half-finished story about Jake Goodorizzi you can have, if you are ever in a pinch again.