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Dave The Dastardly

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Everything posted by Dave The Dastardly

  1. Dave The Dastardly
    When you go shopping for a new winter coat and the pretty sales lady shows you a goose down parka, then a trendy insulate jacket, swing at the first pitch and buy the goose down parka. Then ask the pretty sales lady if she'd like to go sledding with you... maybe hit the sauna afterwords. What the hell, as long as you're swinging you might as well go for a homerun.
  2. Dave The Dastardly
    Nice pun!!
  3. Dave The Dastardly
    Too bad the "experts" who award Gold Glove titles haven't paid more attention to actual glove work and less to batting average and press popularity when handing out Gloves. I think there'd be a few more retired Twins with well-deserved Gold Gloves sitting on their mantels.
  4. Dave The Dastardly
    You overlooked the bid from Joe Bob's Conspiracy Channel. They planned to carry all Twins games on You Tube with each game exposing the latest conspiracy theory to keep the Twins from winning the game. They'd already line up a couple dozen anonymous internet sources to provide the inside scoop for the Game Conspiracy of the Day. The plan was to expose the latest conspiracy during the 7th inning stretch, put it up on the bigboard, though the revealer would be one of those talking shadows, his voice disguised by a digitizer, his face covered by a catcher's mask... you know, to lend credibility to the thing. The bid fell through when MLB discovered Joe Bob was actually two guys; Vladimir and Chiang and their real goal was to convince Americans the real US national pastime was soccer. They actually had a line of designer shorts they were hoping to push; Red Neck Shorts the called them. They featured a snoose pocket on the expandable waistband for tucking in chewing tobacco and two deeper, insulated pockets, one on each thigh, for holding a couple cans of beer. I'm glad MLB put the kibosh on this bid, otherwise us baseball fans would take it in the shorts.
  5. Dave The Dastardly
    I hope the front office doesn't get this Wong.
  6. Dave The Dastardly
    Did you mean to say "hand and foot in mouth disease"? I mean it's become pretty common these days. Wouldn't be surprised if its spilled over from politics into baseball what with all the whacko conspiracy theories floating around out there. Wait a minute! Was Happ's signing the result of a White Sox conspiracy? You know, get us to sign a player who the Sox are secretly paying to throw games (little play on words there). Hold on, I'll check the internet... There's some anonymous guys out there who know everything.
  7. Dave The Dastardly
    Not a grand strategy. Mere happenstance.
  8. Dave The Dastardly
    I gotta ask, can you still scalp 2021 Cleveland tickets?
  9. Dave The Dastardly
    I know of which unnamed team you speaketh. May a thousand curses be laid upon them. Despise not a team for the hue of their hosiery, but instead for their hubris.
  10. Dave The Dastardly
    Interesting that this sidebar stuck in my mind. I guess that makes me a nit-picker. If I remember Sister Lydia correctly (about 60 years back) if the writer is using quotation marks to emphasize a particular word at the end of the sentence, the period belongs outside the quotation marks. If the quotation marks are being used delineate a quote by someone, the period belongs inside the last quotation mark. Disregarding a wandering mind, what I took away from this discussion is that the main cause of modern baseball's problems is that human failing often referred to as "greed". You can quote me on that.
  11. Dave The Dastardly
    I've been following the Twins since they showed up in the state and in my opinion Dick and Bert in their prime were "must-listen" broadcasts. I've muted many other national broadcasters over the years but never Dick and Bert. Bert's schtick eventually got old but Dick's always been on his game.
  12. Dave The Dastardly
    From where I live Minneapolis is an hour away. St. Paul about four decades.
  13. Dave The Dastardly
    Easy there, Big Fella. This old-timer likes to be reminded about math stuff he's forgotten.
  14. Dave The Dastardly
    I played short. Caught a hot grounder with my adams apple once, couldn't talk for a week. Thought I was muy hombre. Then I saw Nicky catch a hot grounder with his teeth then slide head first into second for the double play. Threw my glove away after that. Figured this pansy better take up chess.
  15. Dave The Dastardly
    The Fargo Woodchippers... has a certain cache. Put it on a baseball bat and the fans will snap 'em up for souvenirs. You betcha! I went through Fargo once (Go West Young Man!). Everything went south after that.
  16. Dave The Dastardly
    Signed in just to post a like for this one. Just proves baseball truly is a reflection of America.
  17. Dave The Dastardly
    Good thing I had the wife lock up my guns, all lengths of rope, anything that might be poisonous and all sharp objects before I read this.
  18. Dave The Dastardly
    I'm ready for this game. Got my crying towel, a bottle of Jameson and a pistol with one bullet in the chamber... don't panic, for shooting the TV. I'm on my 18th one.
  19. Dave The Dastardly
    I wonder if flailing wildly at curveballs out of the strike zone had something to do with it.
  20. Dave The Dastardly
    Bat afraid. Here's the solution. https://clarktoys.com/jobu-officially-licensed-major-league-movie-replica-10-figure/?CATARGETID=120298850000011179&CADevice=c&gclid=EAIaIQobChMInLff5tiq6wIVAcDICh3icQCeEAQYASABEgJaDPD_BwE
  21. Dave The Dastardly
    Ah, the perennial TD search for an Ace... a term for which there is no mutually agreed upon definition. Personally, I'd rather draw four Deuces to an Ace. Throw in a wildcard and the pot is yours.
  22. Dave The Dastardly
    With a toothless grin underneath a nose that looked like it had been pressed into place and flattened with a hot iron wielded by a left-handed blacksmith.
  23. Dave The Dastardly
    NFL - games free on nationally televised networks - number of fans steadily increasing MLB - no games on nationally televised networks - paid TV only - number of fans steadily decreasing Hmmm... MLB offered solution? Speed up the games nobody can watch. Genius!
  24. Dave The Dastardly
    I think he's from Fragile, Italy.
  25. Dave The Dastardly
    I read this thinking the author was going to reveal that May was loading up the ball with slime. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or relieved. Confusing times these.
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