Dave The Dastardly

Paddock's going to be out of ammo after 5. Who's going to be first out of the pen?

This games going to be over in an hour.

Whoops! Now they're calling it a slider on Gameday. Didn't White Castle invent sliders?

So much for the curveball as a strikeout pitch. Did I say that already?

Usually means tears. And a glance down to the bull pen.

So much for the curve ball as a strikeout pitch.

You mean from a crevasse to an open-pit mine?

I see 4 holes in the Twins lineup; Santana .217, Kirilloff .209, Margot .225 and Vazquez .175. Rockies with two: Toglia .150 and Goodman .167. Both pitchers with ERA's over 5. What's that mean?

A .217 guy leading off? So we want to start with an "out"? And Lewis is riding the pine? Another scheduled "rest day"? Where's the Jameson?

"Noah Miller has seemingly enjoyed hosting some of his friends and former teammates in his new city. Since going 0-for-4 on Tuesday, he is 7-for-18 with a double and a home run in the past four games. He has scored five runs and driven in four more." Refresh my memory: Who did the Twins get for this guy?

Lighten up dude. I agree its time to try the robot behind the plate but that's no reason to insult all umpires and referees and calling them corrupt. Waaaay overboard!

"Tell the Pope to stay close to his saint-making thingy." You mean he's the guy who determines which former Savior has to be reassigned to the St.Paul Saints? I mean I always suspected a computer or maybe somebody divine, like a TD poster, made that decision, but the Pope? Didn't even know he was a baseball fan.

"Planned day off" has to be one of the dumbest baseball strategies I've ever seen. AI now predicting which day a player might get injured?

The Twins are one of the bad teams. That's how they keep beating themselves.

Great Scott!

Salt in the wound.

jamiedude says we're lame

I'm going to find a paper bag... not sure if I should cut eye holes in it or barf in it.

And the jugular is punctured

It's the ambiance

Now that's hurling.

Emma

I'm with you on all of this, but particularly on the Keirsey thing. How big does the hole have to get before the FO tries to plug it? Try the guy. Find out if he's the plugger or not. He can't do worse, can he?

Poopy Yanks I have on occasion been accused of being full of “it”… you know, the odiferous brown stuff that clings to the heels of your hiking boots after attempting to do in the woods what bears customarily do with aplomb. Not that I ever took the naysayers at their word because its a little known fact that my fecal matter renders no olfactory sensation. Don’t ask me how I know that. “Just trust me,” I advise with a sniff. Wish In One Hand... Nonetheless, here’s a guy who could win a fecal fight with zoo gorillas. His name is George Frandsen and he collects Dino Do Do for a living. No, he doesn’t run behind T-Rexs (should that be T-Rexi?) with arms outstretched hoping to catch a torpedo. For one thing we all know T-Rex can only see movement. So the dinosaur is always looking around behind himself, you know, checking to see if he did indeed have a movement, and needs to wipe. Don’t know how the T-Rex wiped… he’s got those short arms you know. You gotta wonder though, who had the franchise on dino toilet paper back then? Bet he made a killing… must have sold the stuff by the yard. Anyway, mysteries aside, Frandson actually has a museum full of… dinosaur crap, in Vegas of all places, a city that likes to clean you out. And he’s really proud of his biggest turd, but I guess you can’t blame the guy. I mean if a normal human being dropped one that big… well he should be proud. Might require a few stitches to snug things back up but that would better than running around with a finger up your… uh, anal aperture. Anyway, that’s the second biggest turd I’ve ever seen. Gotta be a couple pygmies in there. Which purely coincidentally reminds me we’re playing the stinking Yankees, a team whose fans are renown for… uh, thinking their do do don’t stink and they can just dominate the Twins with one arm and a roll of toilet paper behind their back. But today the Yanks are going to take it in the… shorts. I can feel it… did I just say that? Really? On The Mound Twins: Paddock 4-2 ERA 4.57 Yanks: 7-2 ERA 3.09