RandBalls Stu

The Minnesota Twins Winter Caravan, an off-season tour of cities and towns in Minnesota and points beyond, attracts fans eager for the upcoming season and the chance to meet current and former Twins personnel. It’s usually the highlight of Mike Parker’s year, but 2020 has thrown the Shakopee native a curveball: He has no idea what shirsey to wear.“It’s usually a cut-and-dried decision,” said the Shakopee native. “But I’ll be honest with you, I’m in a real pickle here.” For the uninitiated, a shirsey is a t-shirt styled like a baseball jersey, with a team logo in front and a player name and number on the back. Parker estimates he has “40-50, minimum.” “I would always grab a new one if the Goldy’s in the mall had them in stock, or when I went to the team store at Target Field,” said Parker. “I didn’t think I had that many, but when my fiancée moved in, she noted that I had more shirseys than dishes. She noted that I had more Torii Hunter shirseys than dishes.” While he’s given thought to downsizing his collection, the 31-year-old paralegal has grown attached to many of them. He gave Twins Daily a tour of some of his favorites. “This powder blue Gary Gaetti number, this is the one I wore to (Twins vs. Tigers) Game 163,” said Parker. “You can see the mustard stain on the sleeve where I dropped my DomeDog in the 7th inning. Oh, and this red Joe Nathan beauty, this is the one I wore under my graduation robe.” Parker paused before the only one that he had on a hanger. He cleared his throat and continued. “The blue Dougie Baseball (Doug Mientkiewicz) one. I wore this to a Fort Myers Miracle game he was managing. He saw me wearing it, and when the umpire ejected him for arguing balls and strikes, he pointed at me, turned back to the umpire and said ‘This guy gets it, you stupid [expletive] [expletive] piece of [expletive].’ I think about this a lot.” With the date nearing, Parker admits that he does have a group of finalists. “Oh, I have my eye on about a half-dozen for sure,” said Parker. “This Rod Carew throwback is in the conversation, but what if someone else is wearing that one? It’s like going to a dinner party in the same dress. And sure, I could wear my Nishioka one, but I don't really want to do irony. "Let's be honest: It's probably A.J. (Pierzynski) time." (Link to image license here.) Click here to view the article

Twins Daily's I-Team uncovered a 2017 Craigslist post in the Houston area. We think it speaks for itself. Please credit Twins Daily.As I write this, the sanitation team is here fixing a little alignment I made with our trash compactor. I wish you had booked them and had gotten the correct drumbeat nailed down before this 3-game series versus the Dodgers and I could have spent more time on, like, Twitter or something. We can’t wait to have you shine in what you do best and run our clubhouse so we can do what we do best and maximize every possible advantage regardless of legality. We are definitely the coolest team ever and we live in Houston. We had a clubbie temporarily in this position, and now we want you to keep our team running smoothly while he tries out for the Chanhassen High School production of Grease. We run our own baseball franchise and work from the stadium. The manager works for me, so we are literally here all the time. We are hilarious, we tell Altuve height jokes, and when we’re not wiring him to tip pitches from the best relievers in the game we do a lot of pep talks and picker uppers. You have to be super cool with that and the massive cheating. Narcs need not apply. If you describe yourself as optimistic, soulless, resourceful, super into breaking rules and surveillance—we’re on the right track. I am a former San Francisco tech bro, first page of Reddit, and I care a lot about how loud the percussion is because cheating is the Most Important thing to me for a million reasons. So if you are the type that “just doesn’t notice” when narcs are going to rat us out, thank u next. If you are going to judge us because we exploit technology to win one at-bat in an April game against Baltimore, you’re on the wrong post. I drummed all through high school and college and am still close with all my fellow percussionists. So I have a lot of opinions, backed by research, on how to optimize the Astros’ development, and I know what it’s like to be a drummer. There is no shaming in our clubhouse. We don’t cry it out. You can’t spoil a Marisnick. We are not scout-oriented and ask you to leave that to your personal time. Are you up for being the Loudest Drummer Ever that my manager is going to remember always and forever and have adorable nicknames for you, like Drummer Guy or Cheater Dude? If you’re not looking for a lifetime bond of chicanery this is not for you. We are not fantastic drummers, but you are! Whaling on trash cans is fun for you and you’re excited to help take care of other American League teams. Also, I have celiac disease, so you can’t bring gluten into the house. If you don’t know what gluten is and you’re not resourceful enough to google it right now, just beat the hell out of a trash can to indicate a change up is coming. If you thing that’s weird, we’re definitely not the right team for you. Check in on the Padres? Have you seen any soap opera, ever? You are the attractive stableboy to our unhappy dowager, minus the judgment. Basically, you have to help run the massive cheating scandal, and love doing it. If you think it’s cute to toss garbage cans in the air, omg NOPE. If you have a temper; if your blood pressure goes up when an umpire looks at the dugout; if you think it’s funny to joke about how blatantly we’re cheating, GTFO. If you are passive-aggressive/Minnesota Nice and will dislike this wave of malfeasance, lie about it, and then hold it against us, go make a hotdish in Mike Fiers’ oven. We’re complete liars, but honesty without tact is really not our concern. CHEATING IS COOL. I have visions of us driving to Galveston together and power-walking the shore with a World Series Trophy in our stroller. In November, we’ll make fun of Joe Buck on the beach. Click here to view the article

The former Twins manager was less than pleased with the popular game show and wants to know why he can’t find any shows about surgeons or firemen.Jeopardy!’s prime time Tournament of Champions has found a lot of fans this week, with one notable exception with local ties. “The heck is a game show on at night for anyway,” asked former Twins manager Ron Gardenhire. “Phrase that in the form of a question.” The Detroit Tigers skipper was looking for “my stories” on ABC this week and instead found Alex Trebek peppering three of the game show’s greatest players with “answers” about art, history, college football and more. Gardenhire was not amused. “You watch the news, you watch Wheel (of Fortune), you watch your stories, and you go to bed,” he said. “I don’t Netflix and chill, I don’t have Lulu (sic), and I’m fine with that. But man alive, you see these wisenheimers buzzing and booping, talking about Van Gogh and Mozart when you just want to watch a show about doctors. It’s enough to drive you crazy.” Gardenhire didn’t limit his criticism to the pre-emption of normal programming. “None of these contestants look like they know a goldang thing about baseball,” said the Oklahoma native. “You know who Paul Gauguin is, Einstein? How about Paul Goldschmidt, or how to pitch to him? That’ll impress the hell out of me, because I sure don’t.” The rapid approach of spring training only irked the baseball lifer more. “My Christmas vacation is pretty much done, and I have to head south pretty soon to get back to work. I just want to see some cops take down some bad guys or an unconventional district attorney take down some Wall Street fat cats. Instead I get these jokers. May as well just tell Andy (Tigers pitching coach Rick Anderson) to rent the RV early so we can hit the road. Sick of this.” Click here to view the article

Minnesota’s search for impact pitching this off-season went sideways. While visions of Madison Bumgarner and Hyun-Jin Ryu danced in the fanbase’s heads, the cold reality was a New Year’s Eve signing of Homer Bailey and Rich Hill. Put another way, this is like asking for the Lego Millennium Falcon for your birthday and instead getting the Lago Century Bird from the dollar store that always smells like fish. Thanks for putting in the effort, Dad.Still, it’s a good month and a half until pitchers and catchers report, and absent a Josh Donaldson signing or a franchise-altering trade, you have a grim winter stretch ahead of you. You’ll need to start talking yourself into Bailey and Hill being the saviors this rotation so desperately needs. Here’s how: Homer Bailey has thrown two no-hitters in his career. Yes, they were 7-8 years ago. But! The Rule of Threes exists for a reason. He’s due!Rich Hill just got arrested because his wife got arrested over the NFL’s exquisitely dumb personal bag policy. He’s a bad boy who fights for justice and stands up for his family! This is arguably the most interesting thing a Twins player has done off the field since Steve Lombardozzi and Dan Gladden started wrasslin’ on the Dazzle Man’s property.This is just a note that I would watch a 30-for-30 about that fight right now.The AL Central is going to be bad again. Detroit and Kansas City will be SuperFund sites. Chicago will be interesting and annoying but probably nothing more than that. Nobody knows what Cleveland is doing but no one thinks it’s good. You can probably ride this rotation as it stands to another title and move the impact pitching goal posts to a midseason trade.Reiterating that we need a documentary about the Lombo/Gladden fight or the bad vibes of the whole 1988 season. Gaetti finding the Lord and alienating Hrbek, the Brunansky/Herr disaster, the trade of future Moneyball architect Billy Beane…it’s all there, folks.Houston gets a postseason ban for cheating. Hey, they do it in college sports all the time! Take a seat, you garbage can-banging scofflaws.The New York Yankees get contracted for reasons.The Twins are going to the World Series with Homer Bailey and Rich Hill leading the way.There. I’ve talked you into it. If the Gophers can beat Auburn in a New Year’s Day bowl game, this can happen too. (That said they should definitely trade for somebody. Anybody. Please.) Click here to view the article

Zach Moen is 43. The Chaska native has been following the Minnesota Twins his entire life. His focus since the team’s humbling playoff exit has been singular: Improvements to the team’s starting rotation. With free agency a bust and the prospect of swinging a blockbuster trade daunting, he turned to an unlikely source for help.“You know how in some department stores at the mall they have a little table and mailbox for writing letters to Santa,” said Moen. “I didn’t see an age limit sign anywhere, so I grabbed a blue crayon and got to work.” Moen, who admits that he was previously very skeptical of the portly saint’s existence, said it was just one way in which he harnessed the power of dreams and wishes to fulfill his favorite team’s most urgent need this holiday season. “I think most people agree that it’s weird to go to the mall and see a grown-ass man sitting on Santa’s lap,” said Moen. “But isn’t it weirder to have ample payroll to add any starting pitcher you want and not doing so? I went to Rosedale with purpose and resolve: To ask Santa for a new pitcher. “I didn’t sit on his lap, by the way, I’m not a weirdo,” Moen added. “I just kneeled down and quietly but very firmly told him what I wanted. An elf named Tyler told me I needed to leave or he was going to call his manager, but I said what needed saying.” Despite similar results at other malls (“You get used to the looks and security escorting you back to your car”), Moen entered Christmas Eve optimistic and prepared. “So NORAD has this Santa Tracker, where they track the reindeer and Santa’s sleigh as they deliver gifts,” said Moen. “And you can watch it online. What I did on Christmas was zero in on the radar image of the sleigh itself. You can see the jolly old elf and the overstuffed sack of toys clear as day. But that sleigh is a two-seater. Who’s that second seat for? Mrs. Claus doesn’t go on these trips. Noah Syndergaard, maybe? I’m just asking questions.” When Christmas Day dawned and no transaction news came with it, Moen was disappointed but did not lose faith. “It was a bummer, there’s no two ways about it,” said Moen. “But you have to look at it logically, too. The way I see it, the player’s union will probably raise hell if a team puts a player on an unlicensed aircraft flown by magic animals over the holidays for the purposes of a trade. It’ll be way easier to do it through the traditional channels this weekend or first thing Monday. I expect we’ll find out soon enough.” Click here to view the article

With the winter meetings over and the pickings for free agent talent growing slim, it appears that the Twins need some help in landing players. They have a playoff roster and money to spare yet are finding no takers. Clearly, they need some curb appeal. Here are some suggestions for turning this whole thing around.Put some good-ass snacks in the dish at the front desk. You know how when you go to a bigshot corporate office the receptionist has a bowl of, like, Jolly Ranchers or Life Savers at the main desk? Oh. Great. Thanks. But how about when it’s like whole candy bars or cold Gatorade or chicken fingers with an assortment of dipping sauces? You’d probably think, hey, these guys are awesome. Especially if you can pitch 200+ innings in a season and anchor the middle of a rotation for 3-4 years. Hire Chip & Jo. The hosts of Fixer Upper have managed to make total dogcrap houses in Waco, Texas look like attractive, desirable homes with a little shiplap and a lot of dad jokes and farm sinks. You gotta figure we can turn Chip loose with sledgehammer in the clubhouse and let Jo design the perfect workspace for a third baseman who can field the position and hit for power. Offer a chance to record an album of duets with Joe Mauer. The retired Twins catcher already has an apocryphal rap album in his discography. As a father of young children, he probably relishes the chance to get the entire hell out of the house. And who would turn down the chance to enter the studio with a future Hall of Famer to lay down some tracks over some sick beats? Definitely not a back-of-the-rotation starter with potential to be something more than that who you can sign to an affordable deal and coach up. Abduction of a large adult male with upside. OK. This is a tough sell. I already hear your objections about it being both a traumatic crime and that it was already done by the guy from Home Alone in the 1996 comedy Celtic Pride. But! What if the abductee with the ability to consistently give you six solid innings every fifth day goes Patty Hearst (kids ask your grandpa) and sympathizes with Minnesota’s inability to land a name free agent? We’re just saying that all options are on the table, and that by reading this you’re a criminal co-conspirator so you better just shut up if you’re thinking about squealing. Offer to help him move without being asked. I moved out of my home of 20 years in September. It was a lot of work! Chances are, as a professional athlete, this bullpen piece who can lock down the 8th inning has had to do this more than once and would appreciate Falvey and Levine showing up with a dolly and wearing those hernia belts. Maybe design the belts to look like WWE title belts with something like BEST FRIENDS engraved on them? Might work! Those sofa sleepers are a nightmare. Click here to view the article

We go through this every year, regardless of who’s running the team or what the needs are. Yes the needs are always “starting pitching” and “no, really, starting pitching” but that’s not the point. You need skills to deal with the anguish and senselessness of the whole unforgiving enterprise. Understanding what you’re feeling is the first step.DENIAL (Twins fans on Monday): “They’re not really going to stand pat. They’re playing the long game. Those guys know what they’re doing, and they have a plan. They know there are holes to fill, they know the money is there to fill them, and they’ll improve what is already a playoff team into something truly formidable. We just have to be a little bit patient, that’s all.” ANGER (Twins fans right this minute): “WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. They didn’t sign anyone?!? We got a backup catcher and a guy who can’t pitch until May WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. I’m going to walk around the block a couple times. Everyone is getting better except for us. No. I refuse to accept this. I’m going to write an angry tweet and/or Facebook post. Punctuation and grammar will not be faithfully observed. WTFFFFFFFFFFFF.” BARGAINING (Twins fans next week): “I don’t understand. I thought they’d land at least one of the marquee pitchers. You thought so too, right? It made all the sense in the world. I have a whiteboard in the garage that lays out all the options quite nicely. I bet if they just looked at it and I laid out how the years and money make sense they’d realize they need to do something. My buddy Hans does math stuff for them, I bet if I sent him an email, he could let Falvey and Levine know, and they’d come over and we could talk about it. I could order pizza. I wonder what toppings they’d like. I’ll ask Hans.” DEPRESSION (Twins fans from roughly Christmas-New Year’s Day): “Welp. Guess that’s what happens when you’re the dumbest guy in Idiot Town. I knew they wouldn’t do anything and I still told myself they would. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Can’t wait for a DoorDash driver to start the wild card game next year. If we even get that far. So dumb. Hate everything. Gonna just drive around the interstate for a while, not really going anywhere. Idiot.” ACCEPTANCE (Twins fans from roughly Jan. 2-pitchers & catchers reporting): “These contracts really are ridiculous. I suppose they’re going to see how the trade market looks and make their move then. I wouldn’t have given (bananas contract from, like, the Padres or Diamondbacks) to Tanner Roark either. Honestly after (whatever horrific way in which the Vikings season ended and/or the sheer hammering ferocity of the latest winter storm) I’m just glad baseball is back soon. Go Twins!” Click here to view the article

Bert Galligan, a divorced business machine salesman from West St. Paul, has begun blaming the Minnesota Twins’ slow start to free agency on Joe Mauer to any and all who will listen, according to multiple nieces and nephews. Everything from holiday celebrations to everyday interactions are affected.[NOTE: This was written prior to reports of a possible Michael Pineda deal. Please ignore that for the purposes of these locally-made, handcrafted jokes.] “He just had a post on Facebook that said ‘Bet the Pohlads had a balloon payment due to Mauer but good luck getting the media to report it’ or something like that,” said John Cushman, Galligan’s nephew and one of the few relatives who hasn’t muted Galligan on the social media platform due to the latter’s constant sharing of stories from something called LibertyPatriot.USA. “Uncle Bert is pretty clearly on fire about this, because he just called my mom (Barbara, Galligan’s sister) for the first time since May and that was the first thing he brought up.” There is no indication that the Twins owe Mauer, who retired in 2018, any money. Uncle Bert is undeterred. “I'm Catholic and my partner’s family is Jewish, so we like to have a combination Hanukkah/Christmas party for anyone in our extended families who wants to attend,” said Teri Klobes, Galligan’s niece. “Here’s the text Bert sent me last night: ‘INSTEAD OF THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS, I BET THE TWINS HAVE A FESTIVAL OF LIGHT WALLETS!’ Then there’s a bunch of emojis, then a curse word, then ‘MAUER’S A BUM!’ Then he said he’d bring chips and a handle of brown liquor.” Galligan, who listens to AM radio 6-8 hours per weekday, has also reached out to strangers to spread his theory. Tabitha Washington, a Salvation Army volunteer at a Mendota Heights grocery store, characterized her conversation with Uncle Bert as “one-sided.” “I’m ringing the bell and humming ‘We Three Kings,’ and he strides up with a $5 bill,” said Washington. “I was about to thank him, but before I could get a word out he says ‘Here’s five bucks more than the Pohlads have spent this Christmas. Suppose you can’t when you gotta pay Mauer’s butler.’ Then he snorted and walked in the store. Who are the Pohlads?” Click here to view the article

Your dad can be relied on for three things: Backing into a parking spot whenever possible; questioning the reliability of any meteorologist with a “Wish I could get paid for being wrong half the time” remark; and confiding that he really thinks this is Kyle Gibson’s breakout year every March.As of Wednesday, the latter is in flux. Gibson signed a 3-year, $30 million deal with the Texas Rangers after spending his entire career with the Twins organization. Your dad’s opinion on the matter was hard to gauge in a brief pre-Thanksgiving phone call. “He was more upset about the city plowing in his driveway after he just got done shoveling,” you told your spouse, who nodded disinterestedly as she watched a Hallmark Christmas movie with Candace Cameron Bure. “I don’t think he’s quite processed what happened.” Gibson’s signing takes one more option off the table for his former team, as the Twins look to build a rotation that can complement a playoff-ready lineup. It also means your dad’s perennial Spring Training opinion may change or go away entirely. “I don’t know where his head is at. These are uncharted waters,” you said to your teenage daughter, who nodded disinterestedly as she browsed TikTok videos. “I don’t think he’s ever said word one about the Rangers, but maybe he’s genuinely invested in Kyle Gibson and his career.” Prior to Gibson’s arrival in 2013, your dad’s most commonly expressed preseason thoughts were wishing Justin Morneau could get healthy and that Phil Cuzzi should be tried in The Hague. “Maybe once they sign somebody, or if they make (Brusdar) Graterol a starter again, that’ll get him focused on 2020,” you said to your dog, who nodded disinterestedly before unleashing another volcanic fart due to the turkey and ham your brother kept feeding him at dinner. “I don’t know where this goes from here. I don’t know if he does either.” Your dad was unavailable for comment on the matter, but he did characterize the potential of another winter storm this weekend as “bullcrap.” Click here to view the article

The surprising hot stove activity of the Chicago White Sox--signing Yasmani Grendal, their rumored pursuit of Zach Wheeler--is causing some tough conversations in Minnesota homes.“I don’t understand, mom,” said 6-year-old Aaron Sillman to his mother. “You said the White Sox were dog poop, like the Tigers. But worse, like Tigers diarrhea.” Joelle Sillman didn’t have a good answer. “I mean, I barely remember yesterday, much less when they won the World Series with A.J. (Pierzynski),” said the Farmington woman. “How do you tell a kid about something so impossible? May as well tell him Spider-Man is real and his new dad.” Other local families are dealing with similar concerns. “Ellen is panicking and having night terrors,” said Julie O’Doyle, discussing her 9-year-old daughter’s recent troubles. “She has zero idea about Ozzie Guillen or Nick Blackburn or Game 163. Why would she? How do you talk to a child about the White Sox being good? It’s horrifying. Adults are scared. I’m scared.” Baseball trauma experts say this is not uncommon. “The first thing I tell troubled parents is that the Chicago White Sox, while absolutely worthy of your disgust and derision, have been good before,” said John Bonnes, a Minneapolis man with a website and frequent attendee of Twins games in the late ‘90s. “They’re usually a terrible team, like the Mets yet somehow worse. But they will occasionally put out a quality product at whatever dumb name their stadium has this year. When kids discover the sad clown is dangerous? It can test any family.” Will Ostrander can confirm this. His nephew Xander was troubled by something he saw about the White Sox on the internet. “Xander loves baseball, and he loves the Twins, so he’s used to being worried about how Cleveland is doing. He was futzing around on my sister’s phone the other day and saw some jerk talking about how Chicago was a new threat in the AL Central. ‘Uncle Will, what is that? It sounds scary.’ How do you prepare for that? How do you respond?” Bonnes said there is no pat answer. “My best advice it to tell them you love them, regardless of what the next day may bring. And that the Twins should sign at least two starting pitchers so we can all sleep better. Maybe three.” Click here to view the article

If I write a dumber joke I'll be impressed with myself.

You have a baseball fan in your life, and the holidays are barreling down on you like Jason Kubel getting sent home by Scott Ullger even though the catcher is holding the ball and checking his phone. You want to give them a thoughtful gift that appeals to their interests, but they don’t need another ballcap or autographed rookie card. Twins Daily is here to help.Houston Astros Home Security You and your family deserve to feel safe in your own home. Let baseball’s Houston Astros get to work. State-of-the-art surveillance technology and bleeding-edge customer service are the hallmarks of HAHS. The best part: There are no costly set-up fees because they’ve already installed it in your home. No need to thank them. They’ve been watching you shame-eat Pringles while watching Property Brothers for a while now and have some thoughts on your diet and viewing habits. Minnesota Twins Power Bar Need a little extra energy to get you through that next workout? The protein-rich, nutrient-packed Minnesota Twins Power Bar is the preferred exercise supplement of the home run record-setting AL Central champs! Minnesota Twins Sleepytime Snack Bar It’s the exact same bar, but if you eat it in the city of New York the effects are reversed. You’ll wake up stressed and resigned to your fate. Science and math can’t explain it! Orel Hershiser’s Oral Herd Sizers Ranchers can’t get enough of this cattle-counting tool from the Los Angeles Dodgers great. Just hold the device aloft anywhere on your property, and the calm, confident voice of the record-setting pitcher will give you an accurate (within 20 head) estimate. Shirtless Brian Dozier Action Figure The former Twins star and current member of the defending World Series champion Washington Nationals is immortalized forever in this pocket-sized, poseable action figure. Features actual Brian Dozier Good Hair and a slick, rock-hard torso that can’t be contained by shirts, tank tops, or jackets. Pair it with your Nick Punto Tearaway Jersey Action Figure for a gritty, sensual tag team! Tom Kelly Comes Over and Talks to Your Rude Teen Son Like He’s Todd Walker Parents, you’ve had it up to here with the backsass and aimlessness of your rude teen son. You’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work. Well, for a nominal fee, former Twins manager Tom Kelly will come to your house and talk to your rude teen son like he did to Todd Walker. Kelly will be unimpressed, sarcastic, and dismissive of whatever your rude teen son does. The tables are turned, Jeremy. And if you want to leave via free agency, Tom will happily drop you off at the closest USMC recruiting station. Click here to view the article

“I know better. I know it’s a different front office and a different mindset. But they’re totally going to sign Kevin Correia. I can feel it.” Jacob Wilson watched the Twins phenomenal 2019 regular season with glee. Despite the quick playoff exit, he initially looked forward to watching Derek Falvey and Thad Levine rebuild the team’s rotation for 2020.Now, though, he’s not so sure. “What if they sign Kevin Correia,” asked the Circle Pines educator. “What if the only improvement is Kevin Correia?” Correia, who has not pitched in the majors since 2015, was signed by the Twins to a 2-year, $10 million deal in 2013 to bolster one of the league’s worst pitching staffs. It didn't work. “They also traded all their center fielders for Vance Worley and Alex Meyer,” said Wilson. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Wilson says that he understands Correia is no longer a major league pitcher, nor appears to harbor any intentions of a comeback at the age of 39. “I know better. I know it’s a different front office and a different mindset. But they’re totally going to sign Kevin Correia. I can feel it.” Local cat owner Aaron Gleeman writes at The Athletic that the Twins can safely budget $50-70 million at minimum on next year’s staff, depending on whether Jake Odorizzi accepts the team’s qualifying offer. Wilson acknowledges that while the numbers make sense, and that the front office’s work with the lineup encourages him, he’s unable to shake a nagging feeling of despair. “If I think about it for even five seconds, logic tells me (signing Correia) will never happen. But I’ve been a Twins fan for years. I remember when they signed and re-signed Mike Pelfrey. I remember the 2013 rotation. I remember Terry Felton. You don’t just walk away from that without some scars. Hell, you’re lucky if they’re scars. Some of those wounds…” Wilson’s voice trailed off. Holding back tears, he paused to gather himself and continued. “My mom broke her kneecap when she was a kid, and whenever the weather changes, she says she can feel it ache. When the Twins have money to spend and talk about improving their pitching? All I feel is Kevin Correia.” (Image license here) Click here to view the article