RandBalls Stu

Minnesota's alleged interest in free agent utility man Marwin Gonzalez has sparked speculation on his potential place on the Twins’ 25-man roster. For Your Dad, though, the real guessing game is what he’s going to call him. Sources close to Your Family confirmed on Thursday that conversations about the possible signing concluded with Your Dad wondering why they’re signing “this Merlin Gonzalez character” instead of Bryce Harper. Image courtesy of © Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports Minnesota's alleged interest in free agent utility man Marwin Gonzalez has sparked speculation on his potential place on the Twins’ 25-man roster. For Your Dad, though, the real guessing game is what he’s going to call him. Sources close to Your Family confirmed on Thursday that conversations about the possible signing concluded with Your Dad wondering why they’re signing “this Merlin Gonzalez character” instead of Bryce Harper. “He was pretty animated,” said Your Stepmom. “He kept going on about how they have all this money to spend and that this Merlin fellow wasn’t going to help them beat Cleveland.” Your Dad, who was heard discussing the effectiveness of Twins reliever “Travis Hamburger” last Labor Day weekend at a family picnic, appears to be weighing a couple options in misremembering the 29-year-old veteran’s name. “Once Wheel of Fortune got done, he was fired up about the whole thing,” said Your Brother, who is living at home after the Bay Area start-up he worked at that sold artisan soaps over the internet went belly up. “It was all Dallas Kutcher (sic) this, Craig Kilborn (sic) that, and here the Twins are signing Merman.” Your Brother confirmed that he meant the former Houston Astros mainstay, and not the fearsome half-man/half-fish. “When he said Merlin earlier, I figured he’d stick with that, but the Merman thing was unexpected,” said Your Brother, who had to know that his former company’s business plan was unsound but has been chasing that big paycheck ever since dropping out of Hamline and breaking off his engagement with Nicole, who, let’s face it, was way too good for him and is probably happier with Nigel, her yoga instructor. “I really want to see how this plays out if Gonzalez signs and plays well.” A person close to the situation said this has the potential to be Your Dad’s greatest Twins-related befuddlement since the Mike Pagliarulo Incident of 1991. View full article

In the wake of relatively low-risk contract extensions given to Jorge Polanco and Max Kepler, some wondered if this meant the Minnesota Twins were ready to make a bigger splash with a veteran contributor. Image courtesy of © Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports In the wake of relatively low-risk contract extensions given to Jorge Polanco and Max Kepler, some wondered if this meant the Minnesota Twins were ready to make a bigger splash with a veteran contributor. Depending on your perspective, they’ve done just that. Multiple sources have confirmed to Twins Daily that the team has extended their contract with Koopmeinens Amusements & Golf Cart Repair to rent the TC Bear costume through 2023. Financial terms of the agreement were not disclosed, but it is expected to cover theft, fur replacement, and the climate-controlled Tuff Shed where the head is stored. “We’re thrilled to continue partnering with the Koopmeinens team,” said Twins GM Thad Levine. The Royalton-based business, located in a haunted industrial park off Highway 10, has provided costume rental for the franchise ever since they provided the low bid for mascot services in 2004. “My dad (Harlan Koopmeinens, the company’s founder) and I stopped at a consignment store in Wisconsin back in the ‘80s, and there was this giant bear costume,” said COO Horace Koopmeinens. “It turned out a local community college had gone belly up when the FBI discovered that all the tuition money was going to the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, and all their old sports equipment wound up there. Pops bought the bear costume for $20, put it in our pole barn, and waited for the right opportunity. When we saw the (team’s) Craigslist ad, we asked for $25. The rest is history.” Levine said the quality of the suit has never been in doubt. “The barn cats used the head to birth their litters,” said Levine. “The clubbies really had to get in there with some soapy water, but it was still in surprisingly good shape. Those Rajneeshees built a sturdy mascot.” TC Bear is now the longest-running mascot in team history, although that mark does come with an asterisk after the ill-fated “Replace TC Bear with a Real Bear” promotion on June 30, 2013, when a Kodiak brown bear in a powder blue Tom Brunansky jersey interrupted TC’s consecutive game streak and ate Clete Thomas. View full article

Wouldn't be me without a dumb typo in my first post. Fixed, thanks!

A young Eden Prairie boy plans to buy a Bryce Harper rookie card this weekend. One area baseball executive is hoping he can change his mind. Jake Evenson, 10, got a $20 bill for his birthday. The young Eden Prairie baseball fanatic knows exactly what he wants, too: a Bryce Harper rookie card. Image courtesy of © Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports A young Eden Prairie boy plans to buy a Bryce Harper rookie card this weekend. One area baseball executive is hoping he can change his mind. Jake Evenson, 10, got a $20 bill for his birthday. The young Eden Prairie baseball fanatic knows exactly what he wants, too: a Bryce Harper rookie card. “He’s my favorite player, and there’s one I can get for $15,” said Evenson. “Mom said we could buy it this weekend.” Twins Executive Vice President and Chief Baseball Officer Derek Falvey wants him to reconsider. “I think he should really take a wait-and-see approach to this purchase,” said Falvey. “He has a solid card collection right now. If it appreciates in value, that’s when he can strike.” Evenson, who was pulled out of science class to take Falvey’s phone call, was confused. “It was pretty weird. This man said I should hold onto that $20 if I needed it down the line. I’m 10. I don’t have bills. I like Bryce Harper and I can afford it. “The last time someone got a call in my class it’s because their dad was in jail,” Evenson added. Falvey, who said the phone call was part of the team’s new Community Outreach program, understands Evenson’s passion, but urged the youngster to take the long view. “What if he really gets into Fortnite or comic books? At that age, your tastes are mercurial. All of a sudden, you have this Bryce Harper card that was cool at the time, but now you want to trade it in for some Claremont-era X-Men issues. Then the market isn’t there and all you can get is a cruddy Daredevil that smells like milk.” Evenson remains adamant. “I like Spiderman, but Mr. Falvey said he’s not an X Man. I want a Bryce Harper card because I have money and he’s awesome.” Falvey remains convinced that he can sway the child to his way of thinking. “Later today we’re sending T.C. Bear to Jake’s after-school program with a dozen pizzas and a personalized t-shirt cannon signed by Jonathan Schoop,” said Falvey. “If he’s still apprehensive, we’ll let him shoot the cannon at TC with whatever he wants: apples, staple guns, you name it. Don’t tell TC that.” View full article