New Streaming Option for Twins Fans Just Your Friend Describing the Game Over the Phone

“Buddy, I’ve got all the channels.”

This was the text sent by your friend Duane on Thursday evening, after news broke that your Fox Sports North provider, YouTube TV, was no longer going to be carrying Twins games after failing to reach an agreement with FSN owner Sinclair Broadcast Group.

Duane, who moved back in with his mother and stepfather after his second divorce, expanded on this quote in a series of statements at the VFW later that night.

“Here’s the deal,” said the infrequently employed 32-year-old. “Mom and Rick got the Premium Gold Plus package from Mediacom when Mom retired from 3M. It gets everything. Even the adult channels are covered. The adult channels!”

As you grumbled about looking at Hulu as an option despite concerns that the exact same thing would happen with them, Duane was optimistic.

“Don’t throw good money after bad, my dude,” he said. “I’m back on Rick’s cellular plan while I get stuff figured out, so I’ve got what Dustin at the Sprint store calls ‘unlimited minutes.’ I figure I can just pull up the game, FaceTime you, show you what’s happening, do a little play by play myself. Zero dollars, zero cents, cancel at any time. Boom shaka laka.”

Despite your initial skepticism, you realized that that this was still way cheaper than cable. You took Duane’s offer under consideration and ordered a burger basket.

[uPDATE: There is an unconfirmed report that a hideous bridge troll named Gryngyx, a creature more myth than real, is offering a full 162-game regular season Twins package “with minimal Blyleven” if you can answer three impossible riddles. Twins Daily is investigating.]

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