Cleveland Out of Good Ideas If Twins Continue Faltering

The Guardians thought they’d finally done enough.

In a season where they barely played offense and lost ace Shane Bieber to injury, Cleveland still could not entirely break away from the AL Central division lead. Trading Amed Rosario for the ghost of Noah Syndergaard didn’t do the trick either. Finally, they parted with Aaron Civale and Josh Bell at the trade deadline, and the early signs encouraged, as the Astros swept and no-hit them over the course of a tjree-game tilt. The Twins were set up to make an early August run and finally put the Central

to bed.

Unfortunately, Minnesota could only manage one victory over a terrible Cardinals team before Joe Ryan’s struggles continued in a 7-3 loss on Wednesday evening, leaving the Guardians hopelessly looking for answers. (Thursday's game had not been completed when this issue of Twins Daily went to press.)

“What more are we supposed to do,” asked a Cleveland front office source. “We’re doing everything we can to not win this [expletive] thing and then your fun little Deadhead goes out and gets shelled. Do something already!”

Minnesota has one of the easiest schedules remaining in the entire league and will be getting Royce Lewis back shortly. However, they made exactly one move before the trade deadline, didn’t upgrade clear needs like righthanded power or another bullpen arm, and continue to hover just above .500. Cleveland has noticed.

“Good god, have some self-respect,” said the source. “You got swept by the Royals. The Royals! We literally can’t not compete with that. There are no other strings for us to pull. If we burn the stadium down for insurance money, we will go to jail. People will get hurt. We are out of good ideas. Don’t make us win this division. We don’t want it. We don’t need it. Leave us alone.”

Things don’t get any harder for the Guardians this weekend, as they travel to Chicago to play the pathetic and godless White Sox. Meanwhile, the Twins host the surprisingly competitive Arizona Diamondbacks.

“Remember when the White Sox were supposed to run this division for years,” asked the source. “How about some follow-through on that, fellas? We’re going to win at least one game purely by accident, maybe two. Probably be a half-game out on Monday. I can’t get mad at our players because I don’t know any of their names.”