Minnesota Twins, OVO LASIK + Lens Announce Partnership

[Matthew Lenz]

The Minnesota Twins have announced a new partnership with locally based OVO LASIK + Lens. The news comes on the heels of a slow start to the season.

Image courtesy of © Jordan Johnson-Imagn Images

The Twins brought in former rotation ace Tommy Milone, who received LASIK during his career, as a special consultant for the partnership. It's been reported that Milone held a team building event at OVO LASIK’s St. Louis Park office where players were given the opportunity to receive services from the company’s founder and medical director Dr. Mark Lobanoff.

Dr. Lobanoff, a longtime Twins fan, was excited about the partnership and the impact it might have on the teams on field performance. “This is a really exciting time for our company”, said Dr. Lobanoff, “The Twins have been brutal to start the season and I think my services are worth at least 4.3 fWAR to them.”

In the past, OVO LASIK partnered with the Minnesota Wild and would giveaway free LASIK to one lucky fan if the team scored a goal in the last two minutes of the second period. Fortunately, Twins fans will have a similar opportunity. Every time a reliever gives up an earned run in the 7th inning or later, one lucky fan at the game will be given a neuralyzer, allowing them to forget about the atrocities they just witnessed. So far this season, 18 Twins fans have been lucky enough to receive the gadget from the Men In Black franchise. Twins Daily attempted to reach Dr. David Whiting for comment on the partnership, but it's been speculated he's looking to join a rival clinic after concerns that OVO LASIK will be filing for bankruptcy by September 1st due to the partnership with the Twins.

The players themselves are also excited about the partnership. Twins reliever Griffin Jax, who is sporting an 9.00 ERA through 11 appearances, thinks he can get back to his 2022-2024 self after the procedure. “It was like clockwork, I turned 30 and my vision started getting worse”, said Jax. “Ryan Jeffers’ glove looks like a blur to me so I've just been throwing and hoping for the best, but it turns out my pitches are getting too much of the plate and opposing hitters have been making me pay.”

Carlos Correa, who has a career-high 55.6% groundball rate to start the season, is similarly optimistic on the impact the procedure can have on his game. Correa was quoted as saying “When I'm at the plate, I’m seeing three balls come at me at the same time.” The Twins star shortstop went on to say “I basically have been aiming for the middle  ball, but it's resulted in me getting on top of everything this season.”

Finally, the defense that leads the league in throwing errors also looks to benefit from the surgery. One player, who wanted to remain anonymous, was quick to write off vision as the reason for their early season throwing woes. “Look, Ty France is all of 5’ 11” tall”, said the anonymous fielder. “Instead of putting the onus on the rest of us, maybe Shortstack should start wearing some platform shoes at first base.”

While LASIK typically does improve vision in the hours and days following the procedure, it can take 3-6 months for vision to fully stabilize. The Twins hope this partnership leads to modest improvement in the short term, but expects the team building activity to really be fruitful following the All-Star break. Just in time for them to use the partnership as an excuse to remain idol at the trade deadline.

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[Linus]

Too many of these “funny” stories. Leave it to Randball Stu.