Twins Find Just Enough Change In Pohlad Couch Cushions To Make A Few Cute Signings

[Lou Hennessy]

The longtime owners are cleaning out their office as they prepare for an eventual sale of the club. That allowed the Twins’ top decision makers to see how much they could shake out of their old furniture. 

Image courtesy of Purple Wolf Graphics

Twins POBABO Derek Falvey didn’t think he would have a cent to spend on the 2025 roster, at least one that went above their roughly $130 million payroll last season. But all that changed when he had the brilliant idea to shake out some of the outgoing furniture cushions that belonged to his bosses. 
“I saw Joe directing some of his assistants to move one of his couches to the curb in front of Target Field, and I had a flashback to my childhood in Massachusetts,” Falvey said before smashing open his son’s piggy bank. “I used to check my parents’ couch for loose change so that I could go get my daily Dunkin’. So I felt pretty wicked smart trying it again last week.”
Lo and behold, the club’s president was rewarded with enough money that had fallen into the depths of that old Chesterfield that he was able to make a few moves along the margins. 
First, the club signed old friend Danny Coulombe to a one-year deal worth $3 million. Then they reeled in outfielder Harrison Bader to a one-year, $6.25 million guarantee. Then, just yesterday, the club signed first baseman Ty France to another one-year pact.
All in all, the club found enough “walking around money” to spend almost $10 million more than they had originally anticipated (for now, at least). 
“It was really nice of the Pohlad family to bang a U-ey and let us stretch that budget as long as I found the money myself,” Falvey said. “When I saw that couch going out to the curb, I just knew I had to call hosie on whatever cash they left in it.”
Sure, the club could decide to trade off one of their veterans that are currently set to make a sizable salary, such as Christian Vazquez, Chris Paddack or Willi Castro. But if Falvey can keep finding cash that was previously cast away, there’s no telling how much more they could add. 
“Maybe he’ll let me try some of the crevices between the seats of his car,” Falvey said with the elation of a child after an ice cream social. “I hear Alex Bregman is still on the market. Don’t tempt me with a good time.”
 

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[LambchoP]

I think a trade with the Orioles for MountCastle makes way too much sense. They want pitching, we need a starting first baseman who can hit and play well defensively. I'm sure we could get him for Paddack and one of our young high minors pitchers. I never expected this to happen but with the Ty France signing, I think it all but assured we aren't getting a starting first baseman this year. Hopefully Miranda is up to the task.

[CRF]

Doesn't matter how much you find in the couch cushions, if you don't spend it wisely. 

[Parfigliano]

Couch cushion money gets you couch cushion caliber signings.

[Fatbat]

Thank god they didn’t find enough coins to sign Nick Pivetta for $55M. What a disaster that could have been 🥶😳

[TwinsDr2021]

8 hours ago, Fatbat said:

Thank god they didn’t find enough coins to sign Nick Pivetta for $55M. What a disaster that could have been 🥶😳

I agree, but just keeping things in perspective his WAR the last 4 years is more than Ober or Ryan and some people on this site are falling all over themselves to get them signed to an extension. (I think Ryan and Ober are both better, my point is extending them isn't going to be cheap and they are not young)

 

[BillyBallLives]

Signing Bregman would be great....

but free agents don’t want to come here, and the ones that do, we can’t afford.