What Are Your Favorite Twins Bringing For Thanksgiving?

[Lou Hennessy]

It's been a long year for the hometown nine, but the Twins still have plenty to be thankful for. Let's take a look at what each member was tasked with bringing for their big get-together. 

Image courtesy of Stephanie Clifford, Sous-Vide Guy, © Charles LeClaire-Imagn Images

Thanksgiving is a time to get together, share a meal, and thank the high heavens for all of your wins over the last year. All 82 of 'em. 

While many would rather see this team go hungry after an epic late-season collapse and an already too-quiet off-season, Twins Daily just wants everyone on the club to relax and enjoy their holiday with their true family: the endless horde of internet trolls. 

Here's the rundown of what each member of the Twins brought to their Thanksgiving feast. 

Rocco Baldelli - Turkey breast (white meat only)
    “As a father to three beautiful young children, I’m used to eating my dinner straight from the pot, over the sink like an animal. I’m just happy to eat something that isn’t macaroni and cheese shaped like Baby Yoda,” said Rocco with the dead-eyed exhaustion of a coal miner. “And I’ll take all the tryptophan you got. I haven’t slept in months.”

Carlos Correa - Turkey Legs
    He’s no stranger to preparing legs for the big game. These puppies have been massaged for hours before going into the oven. Don’t mind the little steel plate attached to one of the bones. 

Joe Ryan - Tofurkey
    “Hey man, you do you, but I’m sticking with the gluten-free, congealed goodness that reminds me of home by the Bay,” said the California native as he shook out the sand from his shaggy hair. “And I really mean to emphasize sticking there. About 30% of this thing is gum-based.”

Griffin Jax - Nasty Sliders
    “I don’t know, by my second year in the big leagues they told me they only wanted my sliders,” said Jax. “I kept telling my mom ‘Let me take care of the bird’ but she kept shaking me off.” 

Jhoan Durán - Spicy Deviled Eggs. 
    They’re still hot as hell, but they used to pack more of a punch when he first came up. Still really good, but more people seem to be flocking toward Jax’s sliders this year. 

Royce Lewis - Beverages.
    “A lot of people have been saying all I do is wine,” said Lewis as he carried in a couple coolers of assorted drinks. “But that’s not true! I know a lot about plenty of drinks.”

Matt Wallner - Mashed Potatoes
    This guy mashes everything. 

Edouard Julien - a gallon of Maple syrup.
    “Oui Oui, you cannot have mashed potatoes without a hearty slathering of God's nectar from the True North,” said Julien before tying his pet moose to a nearby post. “Sacre bleu, Thanksgiving was in Octobre, anyway.”

Louie Varland - Sweet Potatoes
    Lou’s tried this dish out as an appetizer for the last few years, but it never seems to come out as good as we all hoped. This year he’s just going to bite the bullet and make it into an elite late-meal dessert option in the form of Sweet Potato Pie. 

Bert Blyleven - Beans
    Trust us, you don’t want whatever Bert is bringing. And if he tells you to pull his finger, just run. 

Walker Jenkins - Napkins
    C’mon, he’s just a baby. He’s only doing this because we want him to feel like he’s contributing. He still has to sit at the kid’s table with Rocco’s ankle-biters. 

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Who are we missing from this list? Let us know in the comments, and from everyone at Twins Daily, we wish you a very sweet holiday. 

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[Kevhen]

What's Buxton bringing?

 

[BigJoeGun]

There’s like 22 players who aren’t bringing anything?

[chinmusic]

As a native Montrealer, thanks for not mentioning poutine in the Julien post.😊

[Lou Hennessy]

40 minutes ago, BigJoeGun said:

There’s like 22 players who aren’t bringing anything?

They weren't invited, actually. There's only so much room at the table this year.

[I Never Bet On Sports]

Caleb Thielbar - Twice Baked Potatoes

Even better the second time around, but at some point you gotta try something new

Max Kepler - Host, Entertainment

Max hosts and plays "The Last Dance" series for the team, thanks everyone for coming, and announces he probably won't be able to host or even attend next year.

Manuel Margot - Backup

Manuel offers to cover for anyone who has to cancel at the last minute, but sadly when Christian Vazquez, who promised to bring his bread rolls, fails to show, Manuel strikes out again. "I don't get it, when I start on my own I do great, but whenever I try to step in for someone else I fail every time"

 

[sweetmusicviola16]

2 hours ago, Lou Hennessy said:

They weren't invited, actually. There's only so much room at the table this year.

I just figured the Pohlad's budget was too tight to invite everyone.

[Bodie]

On 11/28/2024 at 9:05 AM, BigJoeGun said:

There’s like 22 players who aren’t bringing anything?

Sounds about par for the course.  

You do remember the "contributions" of most of the roster during the first month of the season???  Or the final month...