Precocious Child Thanks Rich Hill for New, Fun Words

RandBalls Stu · August 21, 2020

Cherubic Prior Lake second grader rains torrent of filth on family, friends.Damien Holsapple has four words for new Twins starting pitcher Rich Hill.

“[expletive] thanks, Mr. Hill!”

Holsapple, who begins second grade at Jeffers Pond Elementary School this fall, has watched every Twins game this year, including both of Hill’s starts. The veteran starter’s colorful language, easy to pick up without any fans in attendance, has made quite the impact on the precocious youngster.

“That son of a [expletive] said a lot of cool [expletive],” said Holsapple. “I can’t wait to tell my [expletive] teacher, that dumb [expletive]!”

Holsapple’s mother says she’s concerned but is rolling with it.

“Damien’s very bright and picks up on things super quickly,” said Heather Stamey. “I didn’t know that the microphones were going to capture all the chatter in quite that detail and I let him know those words were not OK. Going forward I told him he should just watch with the volume down, like his father does when (Bert) Blyleven is on the broadcast.”

For his part, Damien is just happy to discover new frontiers in language and personal expression.

“[Religious expletive] tapdancing [religious expletive], this summer was pretty [expletive] lame until baseball happened,” said Holsapple. “[Expletive], I don’t even know what the [expletive] tapdancing is, but the way Mr. Hill says it makes it sound [expletive] awesome.”

Damien says he’s also been sharing some of the new words with his younger sister, Alice, who recently turned four.

“When Mom told her it was time for bed last night, Alice said ‘Kiss my [expletive] [expletive] you [expletive] Irish [expletive], that was a [expletive] strike,’” said Damien. “Mom got pretty mad but I saw Dad laughing really [expletive] hard behind her. I told Alice to put a [expletive] baseball glove over her mouth next time she wants to use the fun words like Mr. Hill does when he doesn’t want those [expletive] humps in blue to hear him.”

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