Trades, Trades, Trades in Bizzaro World

[Bark's Lounge]

Hallejuhah! Thank the Lord and Amen. In some alternate universe our trade dreams are coming to fruition!

 

1. Liriano is traded for Shelby Miller and Matt Adams.

 

2. Span is traded for Billy Hamilton, and the Red's top 2 pitching prospects

 

3. Morneau is traded to to the Bluejays for Canada west of Ontario, Terrance and Phillip and Travis D'Arnaud, we then flip Vancouver to Seattle for Felix Hernandez and 100 million buckaroos.

 

4. Sadly, LA rejects a trade the would send Josh Willingham to the Dodgers for Hollywood - straight up. This might be in our best interest. I was in LA at the Rainbow Room in late 2003 and Judd Nelson and Ron Geremy were having a meeting of the minds. It was creepy - I don't think that we Twin Citians or Sotans are ready for that. We need another 20 years or so.

 

Let us rejoice in victory!!!

[glunn]

How do we move there, Bark? And in that universe could we trade Valencia and Blackburn for Trout and Weaver?

[PseudoSABR]

Ha! Well done.

[TheLeviathan]

You forgot where we trade Matt Capps and Drew Butera's amazing handling abilities for Dylan Bundy and Adam Jones.

[Bark's Lounge]

How do we move there, Bark? And in that universe could we trade Valencia and Blackburn for Trout and Weaver?

Glunn, I am not quite sure. I am working on it. We need to find the specific porthole that can take us to this alternate dimension. Actually the Rainbow Room might be a good starting point. Some of things I seen in that joint had to come from some other dimension - they were not of this plain of existence.

[Bark's Lounge]

And in that universe could we trade Valencia and Blackburn for Trout and Weaver?

 

You forgot where we trade Matt Capps and Drew Butera's amazing handling abilities for Dylan Bundy and Adam Jones.

 

Let's save those trades for this off season.

[spideyo]

5. The Twins reveal to the world that deep underneath Target Field they built a super-secret genetics laboratory and have been developing the next generating of superstars. The first product of the Pohlad's mad experiments was made created with dna extracted from Ozzie Smith's beard trimmings and Pete Rose's spittoon. Ozzie Rose becomes the first player to play 2b and SS simultaneously.

 

6. Their second experiment, a Barry Bonds/Mark McGuire hybrid, overdoses on HGH, grows 20 ft tall and goes on a rampage, flattening much of the western suburbs. It is then immediately signed by the Yankees.

[Bark's Lounge]

5. The Twins reveal to the world that deep underneath Target Field they built a super-secret genetics laboratory and have been developing the next generating of superstars. The first product of the Pohlad's mad experiments was made created with dna extracted from Ozzie Smith's beard trimmings and Pete Rose's spittoon. Ozzie Rose becomes the first player to play 2b and SS simultaneously.

 

6. Their second experiment, a Barry Bonds/Mark McGuire hybrid, overdoses on HGH, grows 20 ft tall and goes on a rampage, flattening much of the western suburbs. It is then immediately signed by the Yankees.

@#&%!!! I can't wait... this is my kind of baseball!

[Highabove]

With the win tonight, the Twins just moved out of last place! BUY! BUY! BUY!