A crime is what we say a crime is (defined by our legislatures or our congress). There need not be any harm. Intent matters, but not harm. (For instance, sleeping with a consenting minor is a crime, smoking pot is a crime, speeding is a crime; show me the harm.). In terms of suing some one under tort law (civil law), yes there needs to be a harm, but that harm can indeed be psychological and emotional. You can sue some one for intent to emotionally inflect harm. Really. Harassment may not be a crime (yet), but it is something that workplaces and schools seek to root out. Harassment does not equal assault. Stop using the assault standard to judge harassment. If the person who retaliates does so in outsized measure they deserve more punishment. Self-defense is a defense to criminal and civil liability, but it must be reasonable given the actions of the instigator. If a women slaps you, you do not get to cold-cock her. If a women draws a gun on you, you do get to use life threatening force to defend yourself (but that's never the example.) I'm glad you are engaging in this conversation, but I do suggest you study the law more, and the real experience of women-victims of violence. I don't believe you've done either.