Royce Lewis’s Slump Traced to His Evil Twin, Groyce

The end of Royce Lewis’s 2024 season and beginning of his 2025 season were thought to have two things in common: Injuries and underperformance.

In a startling development revealed on Thursday, there’s now a third thing: Groyce Lewis, Royce’s evil twin brother, who replaced the latter sometime in late July of 2024.

“We think the swap happened over the 2024 All-Star Break,” said a front office source with knowledge of the situation. “It’s believed that, at a family reunion celebration, Groyce tricked Royce into entering a room that had ‘HEALTHY HAMSTRINGS, FREE TO USE’ on the door. He’s been stuck in there ever since, with Groyce taking his place on the team.”

This bombshell was delivered moments after Minnesota’s 5-0 loss Tampa on Wednesday, when Lewis’s slump was extended to zero hits in his last 24 at-bats.

“When we were scouting Royce before the 2017 draft, the only real red flag was the fact that he had an evil twin brother named Groyce,” said the source. “Groyce would often engage in what our scouts describe as ‘plots, schemes, ruses, and machinations,’ often at the expense of his good twin brother, Royce.”

Teammates expressed surprise at the revelation but admitted there were signs.

“When he tweaked his hamstring in spring training, he made what I can only describe as a sinister laugh,” said Twins catcher Ryan Jeffers. “Straining your hamstring hurts, man. He just cackled, drummed his fingers, and said ‘Everything is going according to plan, you fools, you fools’ while he limped off the field.”

“We were on a road trip last year and went out to a restaurant to eat,” said outfielder Matt Wallner. “We’re sitting there, waiting for our dinner, and he asked us out of the blue if we wanted to tie damsels to the railroad tracks afterwards. And he had a handlebar mustache for some reason? Weird.”

Team officials say they hope to recover the actual Royce Lewis from captivity before this weekend’s series with Seattle.

When asked to comment about his pernicious plan laid bare, Groyce would only say: “I’m an evil twin. This is what I do.”

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